


Duality of Fire

by nassemapollo



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Adventure, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Badass Toph Beifong, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Lesbian Mai (Avatar), Lesbian Ty Lee (Avatar), M/M, Minor Aang/Katara, Minor Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Minor Violence, POV Azula (Avatar), POV Mai (Avatar), POV Sokka (Avatar), POV Zuko (Avatar), Romance, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, zukka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 63,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nassemapollo/pseuds/nassemapollo
Summary: The Hundred Year War is ended, Zuko sits the throne as the new Fire Lord, and balance has been restored to the world. Happy endings for all. Well, not so much.Trauma and corruption pervade the post-war world and Zuko is ill-equipped, at age sixteen, to balance his responsibilities to rebuild the Fire Nation. Water Tribes Ambassador Sokka, once energized with purpose, now suffers from intense feelings of uselessness and stagnation. The disgraced former Fire Nation princess Azula wastes away in an institution, isolated from any she loves or who love her. Religious and military forces both threaten the fragile peace.Omashu Ambassador Mai finds herself responsible for maintaining political stability in this collapsing reality. In a complex scheme with Iroh and others, she manages to unite Zuko and Sokka to heal and restore each other, while also working with Avatar Aang to help Azula find her place in this rapidly changing world.This is a story of what happens after the ‘happy ending,’ a narrative of romance, adventure, politics, grievance, and love.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 84
Kudos: 64





	1. Do Fire Lords Dream of Turtleducks? (ZUKO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zuko has a nightmare, holds a council meeting, and accepts Iroh's help. (ZUKO POV, all italics are Zuko's thoughts)

The delicate balance of life proves the duality of fire, both life-consuming and life-sustaining. 

With scarlet flames licking up the walls all around him, Zuko feared the first would always win.

His chest heaved with every breath. The heat was unbearable, even for a fire bender who had dueled the greatest fire prodigy of his generation. Red everywhere, like steaming blood melting up the sides of the throne room. He heard cries, young girls screaming for help, ostrich horses shrieking to be put out of their misery. Then, in a flash, he turned to face the source of the heat.

His father stood before him, not of corporal body but a fire phantom. Yellows and reds danced across his glass-like appearance, making the disgraced former Firelord look almost beautiful. His eyes locked on his son’s made Zuko understand that beauty was not why Ozai had returned.

A pulse of heat energy radiated from fire-Ozai, knocking the breath from Zuko’s lungs and sending him to his knees. “This is the reward you reap for taking my throne,” boomed Ozai.

Zuko’s arms flew up instinctively to protect his face as timbers crashed down from the roof. “You wrought only evil across the world! This throne is a burden I bear, not a prize I stole!” returned Zuko, struggling to speak from the sheer heat in the room.

One of the pillars lining the hall behind Zuko snapped and fell into another, sending them both to the floor. “You are unworthy of this throne. But you sit it, and now you must pay the price.”

“I have already endured as much as one can in a life.”

Phantom Ozai laughed, more heat pulses filling the room. “No matter what you do, you will never be free of me. The world knew the glory of the Fire Nation while I was Fire Lord. We were afraid of no one! The legacy I leave is my own, while all you ever hope to accomplish is in the shadow of my accomplishments.”

Phantom Ozai looked up, raised his arm, and snapped it down. Another piece of the roof came falling. Zuko could have sworn the flames turned blue, then all went black.

* * *

“Fire Lord Zuko?”

Zuko shot up, gasping for air, feeling over his face with his hands. His chambers were still here, _he_ was still here. 

“Fire Lord Zuko?” asked the attendant once again.

Zuko had a wild look in his eye that frightened the poor servant. As he recovered his breathing, Zuko pulled his hair out of his face and let it fall down his back. “I...I am alright. My apologies for frightening you.”

The servant smiled and handed Zuko a glass of water. The Fire Lord always needed water when he first awoke, his throat became dry easily when he slept. Iroh had advised him to stop breathing with his mouth open while asleep, but Zuko was too stubborn to see a doctor for help with that. 

“Thank you,” Zuko said. “I can manage the rest. How long until the council meeting?”

“One hour, sir.”

Zuko nodded. “Good. That will be all.”

The servant bowed, then left Zuko’s bedchambers. Zuko drank down the water, threw off the bedsheets, and cracked his neck, so much tension always in the center of the back. He stood and walked over to the pail of water and soap the attendant left. As he undressed and cleaned himself, he thought about the vision he had.

This was hardly the first time Zuko’s peaceful nights had been interrupted by the horrors of his past. No matter how hard he tried to shove those memories away, to remember that he overcame his father’s evil and his sister’s raw power, they haunted him near every night. He hoped each night to go to sleep and not be taunted by his sister’s lies or the final view he had of his mother walking away in the dead of night, but serenity never came.

He dressed in fine red robes befitting the Fire Lord. They were trimmed in black and gold, tied together with a black silk belt that went around his waist. He then brushed through his long dark brown hair, tying it up in the traditional topknot. Finally, he opened the wooden box that held the ancient piece that distinguished him as the leader of the Fire Nation.

“...the reward you reap for taking my throne…” he remembered his father, or a version of his father, saying. _No, this is a responsibility my life is dedicated to_. He carefully picked up the Fire Lord’s crown and rested it on the top of his head.

He ate breakfast alone, as he did every morning. He hated listening to people talk first thing in the morning, so he drank his tea and ate his bread and berries while watching the sunrise through the window without company. _No matter what last night brought, I can still make this a good day._

A short stroll in the water gardens followed, of course. Zuko took the piece of bread from his robes and tore pieces off, gently tossing them to each turtleduck. The garden caretakers had asked the Fire Lord very politely and respectfully to stop giving the turtleducks bread because it made their droppings harder to clean, so Zuko tried, he really did. But when the first duck chirped sadly wondering where that day’s bread was, Zuko cried and gave up. So every morning the turtleducks got their bread, and he made sure each got a piece. None would be left out.

Time had come for the biweekly council meeting. Zuko had known coming in that he would be unable to govern effectively alone, so he included ambassadors and distinguished figures from across the world in his meetings. It helped, of course, that most of the members were close friends of his.

General Iroh stood outside the doors to the council chamber. “Uncle,” Zuko greeted Iroh with a smile.

“Good morning, Fire Lord,” Iroh bowed.

Zuko gave him a disapproving look. “How many times must I tell you? I don’t like when you call me that.”

“As you wish, Zuko.” Iroh laughed, then embraced his nephew with a bright smile.

“Anything I should know before we go in?”

“No, nothing I am aware of. But, nephew, your eyes look darker and more distracted today.”

Zuko shook his head. “I’m fine, uncle. Let’s go.” Iroh led the way, opening the doors and walking to his chair. When Zuko entered, all council members stood in respect. To his direct left sat his uncle, to his right the Omashu Ambassador Mai. Though she once represented the Fire Nation, after the war King Bumi sought out Mai to represent him in Zuko’s court. Omashu advisors asked Bumi daily why he would choose Mai, to which he would simply laugh. Whatever the reason was, Mai was honored to accept and Zuko was thankful Mai still had a place in his life.

Beside Mai sat Avatar Aang, to whom Zuko was eternally devoted. Zuko considered Aang his closest and dearest friend and could rely on him to give wise advice and keep meetings exciting.

The final member of the council was Water Tribes Ambassador Sokka. Sokka had not always been friendly with Zuko, but in the last stages of the war and in the aftermath they grew to be friends, just in a different way than others.

“Please, sit. Thank you all for being here.”

“Of course, Zuko,” began Aang. At the first council meeting, Zuko had demanded he never be referred to as ‘Fire Lord’ by his friends. Only Iroh still needed to be told. “Did I tell you I fitted Appa for a new saddle? He’s going to look so handsome!”

Mai groaned. “Could we handle actual business, please?”

Sokka and Zuko laughed together, something that made Zuko feel tingly. 

“Fine,” Aang said, deflated.

“I promise you can talk to me about it after the meeting, Aang,” Zuko said. “Now, does anyone have business they wish to open with?”

“Yes, I do,” began Mai. Zuko and Mai had rekindled their relationship when Zuko sat the throne for the first time, but not long after she had ended the relationship. ‘Zuko, I love you, but your demons still haunt you. I cannot fix you,’ she had said. He was thankful to have her still as a friend, but missed her love. “We are still working to house refugees within the Earth Kingdom. Too many are in what some are calling the Third Wall of Ba Sing Se.”

“I thought the third wall was the smell...that would be enough for me.” Sokka interjected with a smirk.

Aang laughed but Mai grimaced. “To those who are here for serious reasons, I would request contributions of stone and those knowledgeable in construction to help us build apartment buildings to house these people.”

“Of course, Mai. I am prepared to approve 75% of what you need from the Fire Nation.”

Sokka looked at Zuko, then smiled brightly. Zuko’s tummy felt like glitter again. “We will approve the other 25% without question. I know a few men and women who could be useful to draw up plans for the shelters you require.”

Mai nodded, then passed the formal resolution to both to sign. “Thank you, Zuko. Thank you, Sokka. Your contributions will ensure we give these people a fighting chance.” _Somewhere King Bumi is laughing, I'm sure_.

“What next?” Zuko asked.

Ambassador Sokka sat up in his chair. “If I may, Zuko, the Northern and Southern Water Tribes are working to reunite as they once were. I can speak from personal knowledge when I say that very few from either tribe have seen the other. We are working to build more ships to bring people back and forth between tribes in a cultural exchange of sorts.”

Zuko was intrigued by the ideas and, randomly, what color blue Sokka’s eyes would be called. “What can the Fire Nation provide to help?”

“I thought you’d never ask! We have ship builders, but we need wood and cloth for the ships.” 

_Why can’t I tell what he thinks of me?_ Zuko instinctively trusted Sokka, but Sokka was hard to read emotionally. Sometimes Zuko thought he should invite Sokka for a ‘boys night’ in the water gardens or a friendly match of...whatever sport Sokka enjoyed...but he was too nervous. “I can provide again 75% of what you need, if someone else can provide the rest.”

One by one, every council member looked at Mai. She groaned. “Fine. We can provide the wood you need.”

Zuko thought Sokka might jump in excitement. He beamed and brought the formal agreement personally to each of them. He laid it before Mai first, then brought it to Zuko. He handed Zuko a pen. _Did he just touch my hand on purpose?_ The pen danced across the table, but Sokka gave it back again. 

While Zuko signed it, Sokka leaned on the table perilously close to the Fire Lord. _Vanilla, cinnamon, maybe a little bit of rose. I could live in that scent._ Zuko realized he was thinking about Sokka and rushed to hand him back the agreement. The pen dropped on the floor again. Zuko and Sokka both bent down to pick it up, bringing their heads nearly close enough to touch. Zuko stumbled back to sit down again. _Why am I doomed to be terribly awkward forever?_

Sokka returned to his chair, as graceful as ever. “A-any more business?” Zuko asked.

Silence reigned for a moment. “I almost forgot!” Aang shouted suddenly. He shuffled through papers he had and found those he wanted Zuko to look at. “These are a few reports from refugees I have spoken to this week. The rest you can read privately but one makes a specific request, perhaps it would be good to address it now.

“Alright, let me see it,” said Zuko. Aang passed the report down to him. 

‘Notes from conversation with husband, wife, and daughter in farmlands outside Maizu. Wife pleads that their son died fighting for the Earth Kingdom but that they had never sought revenge. Husband says that they petitioned the Fire Nation governor to reclaim their son's bones to bury. Husband mentions that his field was burned and salted by Fire Nation soldiers instead.’

Zuko felt his stomach drop. The words phantom-Ozai spoke in his dream rang in his head again. ‘The legacy I leave is my own, while all you ever hope to accomplish is in the shadow of my accomplishments.’ _We can never be free of this. We will rebuild forever and still ‘Fire Nation’ will inspire nothing but fear and loathing. And we deserve it._

He felt the weight crushing his shoulders. His hands came up to his face as he sobbed, his body heaving as he thought of all those brutally murdered in the wars Ozai raged. 

“Are you okay, nephew?” he heard Iroh ask, but could not respond.

“Let’s end this meeting. Aang, Mai, Zuko needs time to himself.” Zuko was both surprised and thankful for Sokka’s quick thinking but was utterly confused why _he_ would be the one to care so much. They took their leave, but Zuko felt the warm, comforting touch of a hand on his shoulder for a moment before it was gone again.

* * *

Later that evening, after Zuko had taken a nap to try to help restore his balance, he and Iroh dined together.

“Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?” Iroh asked between sips of tea.

“No,” All Zuko wanted to do was watch the sun set out the window. Ozai may have believed the reds and yellows of a sunset were devotion the universe gave to the Fire Nation, but Zuko knew much better.

Iroh laughed, then ate a dumpling. “You sound like the Zuko you once were.”

“Perhaps he knew better. He never cried in a council meeting.”

Iroh laid down his chopsticks and sighed. “Oh, my dear nephew. Have you considered that we perhaps made a mistake?”

“No!” Zuko yelled in the all-too-familiar tone Iroh knew as fear masquerading as anger. Zuko realized all too quickly that he had shown his hand. 

“If you already know what I mean, it is without question a major problem.”

Zuko sighed and placed his tea back on the table. He stared out toward the horizon for a moment, watching the purples of twilight dance on the clouds. “You know the burdens and pain I carry. You know better than any other. But I thought this crown would push that away and I could live my life without it being defined by my father.” A solitary tear ran down his cheek and he writhed his fingers together. “How can one boy be so afraid?”

Iroh immediately reached out his left hand and took Zuko’s in it. “The weight you bear would be enough to crush almost anyone. You are so strong, Zuko, stronger than me, but perhaps it is time for you to not have to be strong all the time anymore.”

Zuko wiped his face with his free hand. “What do you mean?”

“We both know it was a mistake to place the full duties of Fire Lord on you immediately. You need to learn not only how to be strong for the right reasons but also how to access those softer, gentler parts of yourself. The only way to do that is to allow yourself to be vulnerable.”

Zuko shook his head. “I don’t understand. I thought you wanted this for me?”

“I do, nephew. But you need to decide what matters the most to you. You know what type of man you want to be, but now you must decide what future you want for yourself and our people. If I worked out a sensible plan, would you do what I ask to help you?”

Zuko thought for a moment. _‘This is the reward you reap for taking my throne,’_ his phantom-father had said. He knew then that if he did not find a way to process his trauma and emotions, he risked repeating the cycle the Fire Nation had been trapped in for hundreds of years. If he meant to help remake the world, he first needed to remake himself.

“Yes, uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for taking a chance and reading this! Each chapter will represent different POVs, so in chapter two we will get inside our favorite boomerang boy's head for a while.


	2. Sokka World Tour (SOKKA)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka gossips to Katara and Aang, feels useless, finds hope, and talks with the moon. (SOKKA POV, all italics are Sokka's thoughts)

“Go on, Katara, we’re paying attention.”

“At least you are, Aang. I know my brother isn’t,” Katara said, looking at Sokka with disdain.

Looking up from his bowl of dumplings, Sokka was shocked Katara could say such a thing. “Hey! I can do more than one thing at a time,” he said, his mouth open in indignation.

“Fine. I went down to the markets and found the most beautiful shop that sells scrolls! The building looked old,” Katara continued, her tone changing from annoyed to excited. “I went in and a kind old man greeted me with tea.”

“Does Iroh run a scroll shop too?” Aang shouted. Sokka laughed, continuing to build something with a piece of cloth, two chopsticks, and a rubber band. They sat on the terrace of a restaurant in the Fire Nation Capital. From their table they could look out over the broad street and watch people come and go, the bright day’s sun making the red of the city glow beautifully.

“Aang...really?” Katara said, wondering why she ended up with the two dumbest people as her brother and boyfriend. “This old man, obviously not named Iroh, took me around and showed me some of the scrolls he prized most. I told him I was a water-bender and he fetched a box from the top shelf. ‘These are very rare and very old,’ he said. He showed me each one by one and I found instructions on a bending technique I have always wanted to learn. Isn’t that exciting?”

“That’s great, Katara,” Sokka said, giving her a quick grin.

“We can practice it together,” Aang added. “I am sure it would be useful for us both!”

Katara beamed. “Of course. We should practice down at the docks before the sun comes up.”

“I learned how to do something new too,” Sokka said.

Katara heard an all-too-familiar hint of mischievousness in his voice but took the bait anyway. “What’s that?”

Sokka methodically stood the chopsticks on end, pulled the rubber band back, and launched a dumpling using the cloth straight for Katara’s head. She dodged just in time, but the dumpling slammed into the back of another man’s head.

Sokka belly-laughed with glee and Aang chuckled until the man turned around to glare at them. They tried to stifle their laughter but let it out again when the man grunted and turned back around.

“Sokka, you are such an idiot,” Katara said, shaking her head. “When are you going to grow up?”

He held his head up with his hands, elbows placed on the table. “Never,” he grinned. “The better question is when you are going to learn to have fun again.”

Katara rolled her eyes. “I have fun! I was literally just telling you about my trip to the scroll shop.”

Sokka and Aang met eyes and raised their eyebrows in unison. “I know someone who has even less fun than you do, dear sister.”

Katara drank from her teacup. “Who do you mean?”

Sokka knew Katara loved gossip but pretended not to. _She’s going to have to pull it out of me._

“Fine, don’t tell me,” Katara said, crossing her arms.

Aang sat up, his face reflecting a sudden realization. “Wait, do you mean…Zuko?”

Sokka just smiled.

“Don’t give him a hard time, guys. He is such a good person but very...sensitive,” Aang said.

“He cried during our last council meeting,” Sokka said, ignoring Aang.

“Really? Why?” Katara said. _I have her hooked._

“Some report about casualties or something. I was thinking about how to decorate Appa’s new saddle,” _Actually, I was thinking about if I could pull off a topknot like Zuko._

“Hey, I never said you could do that!” Aang interjected.

“Poor Zuko. I don’t envy his position. He has a thankless job,” Katara said.

“He insists on being alone too, except for his uncle and the weekly tea he has with Aang.” _Should I try to invite him to a poetry reading with me? Or boomerang practice? Sokka, what are you thinking?_

“He’ll be okay, guys. He’s just...different than us. Just keep being friends with him. And Sokka?”

“What?”

“Don’t launch any dumplings at him.”

* * *

Later that evening, Sokka returned from his nightly run and boomerang practice. Since the end of the war, he had lived in a small apartment near the markets. Aang and Katara lived in a manor Zuko had gifted to them in respect of Aang’s position as the Avatar. Sokka had hoped to join them, but Katara insisted she would not live with her boyfriend and brother in the same house. It made Sokka much sadder than he let on.

He unlocked his door and went in. First thing was always to light the candles, which illuminated his living room. Much to Katara’s surprise, Sokka, right after moving in, went to work decorating and making the perfect aesthetic for his quarters. He slung his boomerang off his back and hung it carefully on a golden hook. He threw himself down on his couch. 

When he moved in, Zuko had gifted him this couch as a ‘housewarming’ present. _Everyone else gave me flowers or tea cups, but Zuko gave me a couch._ Sokka saw the potential in it, though, and went to work adapting it. Now, when he pulled a lever, the bottom rose up and provided a footrest. _A couch and a bed, how practical_.

He huffed and got back up again, needing to wash up and dress again before he could relax for the evening. He let down his hair from the usual ponytail he kept it in, letting it fall and frame his face. When he was done, he tied off his blue robe and chose a scroll off his bookshelf. He might have mocked Katara for loving scrolls, but he did too. _This is different. She loves reading about boring instructions and rules. Poetry and history are much more exciting._

He had taken up an interest in reading more not long after two major events. The first was Katara’s insistence that he could not live with she and Aang, but the second was a letter he had received from Suki. He had hoped that, once the war was over, he and Suki could develop their romance further. He had deep feelings for her and owed her so much, not only for helping him feel more comfortable with his femininity but also helping him see that, even if his sister and best friend were two of the most powerful people alive, he was so powerful and important too.

She had sent him a letter explaining that she would always care for him but that she had sworn an oath to the Kyoshi Warriors and could not be dedicated both to them and Sokka. She would always be a close friend, but could not be anything more. _I am doomed to be alone forever. All the people I loved and protected don’t need me anymore._

So now Sokka read, learning all he could about the history of each nation and people in the world. And he waited for an opportunity to be useful again.

A knock rang from his door. _Someone here this late?_ He tossed aside the scroll and jumped up to answer the door.

A familiar old man with an immaculate beard stood at the threshold. “Good evening, Ambassador Sokka.”

“General Iroh, what are you doing here?”

“I need to talk about something important.”

Sokka raised one brow in confusion. “Isn’t there someone, you know, at the Royal Palace, who can be your apt listener?”

Iroh shook his head. “I was hoping to speak with you, specifically. It’s about Zuko.”

 _Zuko?_ Sokka stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in, please. Sit wherever you like.”

Iroh thanked him, then stepped into the apartment. He took a deep breath. “Cinnamon and nutmeg, what a gorgeous scent to fill a room.”

Sokka laughed as he shuffled teacups. “What can I say? I enjoy the finer things.”

He carefully brewed two cups of tea, then turned with one cup and plate in each hand. He saw Iroh looking at a painting of turtleducks framed on the wall. “Who made this?”

Sokka handed Iroh a cup. “I did.” He had not always been good at drawing, but, like everything, he kept trying and developed his skill wonderfully. At least, he thought so.

“It is magnificent. Turtleducks are my nephew’s favorite. They might be the only things that give him pure joy.”

 _I know, he was the one who introduced me to them._ “Perhaps I should paint him one too.”

Iroh smiled wide. “That is a wonderful idea. But, we must speak first.”

Sokka gave Iroh the cushioned chair while he took the wooden chair across from it. A table was placed between, on which they sat their tea. The middle of the table was decorated with a piece of wood from Kyoshi Island, a souvenir from the Avatar Day festival, and a bowl of candy. 

“I truly am flattered that you sought me out, but if you are looking for wisdom, I would ask Aang instead. Or if you want sanctimonious knowledge I would ask my sister. I’m not exactly good for much.”

Iroh laughed, then took a drink of tea. His grin transformed into a bright look of glee. _If my tea is good enough to impress him, Katara can stop trying to show me her ‘special method.’_ “Who taught you to make tea, Ambassador Sokka?”

“Please, just Sokka. I taught myself.”

Iroh nodded solemnly, deep in thought. “It is almost as good as my own. Anyway, what did you say last?”

“I said that I’m a little confused why you would want to speak with me particularly. I’ve never been naturally good at anything, let alone giving advice.”

“Oh, I think you are much better than you give yourself credit for.” _How would he know?_ “I want to thank you, first, for helping my nephew during his troubles at yesterday’s meeting.”

Sokka shrugged. “It was nothing. He needed some privacy, obviously.”

Iroh nodded, drinking more of his tea. “I just wonder, why of everyone was it you who knew that? Zuko once loved Mai and the Avatar is his best friend, but neither saw fit to intervene. And, as much as it damages my reputation as the ‘wise old man,’ I thought he would recover quickly and proceed with the meeting. It was you, Sokka, who knew his deeper troubles.”

 _What does that matter?_ “I just thought it was obvious…”

“It wasn’t, not the extent to which it was to you. I think you and Zuko are kindred souls.”

 _Well, that’s a weird thing to say._ Sokka needed a minute. “...kindred souls?”

“I know it may not seem like it, but I know you.” Iroh reached out and touched his hand to Sokka’s heart. _Double weird._ “I know you because I know my nephew. I need you to help me save him.”

Sokka laughed, carefully taking Iroh’s hand off his chest. “Again, if you want wisdom, ask Aang. I don’t know what you think…”

Iroh shouted and sat up straight, commanding Sokka’s attention. “Listen to me! Please. I am sorry to shout, but I worry that my nephew will lose his way again. With the power he wields now, there are no more do-overs. He must heal his trauma as he heals our people and world.”

“Are you asking me to be friends with Zuko?”

Iroh nodded. “Yes. But not only friends. I want you to be his companion. You both need to travel to places that represent his trauma and the pain we inflicted upon the world. My father, my brother, me, we are all complicit.” His voice became grave and deadly serious. “Help Zuko be the one to end this tragedy.”

In the face of this world-changing and intense request, Sokka could only respond one way: he laughed. He doubled over and almost cried for how hilariously absurd it all seemed. 

“What is so funny?” Iroh asked, wiping a tear.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just that you came here secretly and quietly to ask me very seriously to be friends with your nephew.”

Iroh shook his head. “No. I ask you to save the Fire Lord.”

 _He really is serious, isn’t he?_ “I don’t know...,” Sokka said with a shrug. 

Iroh took Sokka’s right hand into his. “I am trusting you with an enormous task. Zuko is going to step away from the duties of Fire Lord. I have planned a course for him, and you, to follow to see the world through a new lens. He must confront those things that haunt him, and to do that, he must return to those places. I suspect there may be a few things and places you must confront, too.”

 _What does he mean by that?_ “I’ve always said the world has been waiting in anticipation for the Sokka World Tour.”

Iroh laughed, his grave demeanor melted away now. “You are very special, Sokka.” _Tell my sister that. And Suki._ “I trust you with my nephew’s life. So you are committed to this? It will take you far away from your sister and friends. It will demand sacrifices from you.”

“I still don’t know, truly. Zuko and I are acquaintances but I’ve never been close with him. I don’t want to be perpetually annoyed for the next few months. But he does fascinate me.”

Iroh laughed. “Okay, take a day to think about it. I will leave now, but please, come to me with your answer tomorrow.”

Sokka nodded. “I promise I care and I will think on it.”

Iroh squeezed his hand, stood, and took his leave. Sokka saw him out, then sighed deeply. _Talk about a plot twist._

Sokka knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, so he decided to take a midnight walk. It would give him the chance to talk to an old friend.

He walked along the lantern-lit road, his feet clopping against the cobblestones below. _What is so special about me? Why would Iroh ask me to help Zuko with his emotions? I’m just the meat and sarcasm guy._

He came to an overlook and looked up into the sky and saw his old dear friend. He smiled his brightest grin, bathing in the moonlight that shined down on him. “Sokka, your passion, love, and bravery make you special,” he thought he heard Yue whisper to him.

“I have so little to offer, though,” he said to the moon. He rested his elbows on the barrier and cupped his face. “I’m not a great Avatar, or a Fire Lord, or even a bender.”

“It is your heart that makes you different,” Yue whispered. “You can see the parts of people others cannot. That is your heaviest burden and your greatest power. Use it and help Zuko.”

Sokka remained there at that overlook, looking upon the moon for a while longer. _Thank you, Yue._ He was confused and uncertain, but most of all, he was tired. So, he returned home and laid down. Through the window, Yue’s magical glow lulled him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading! Little ten year old Nassem decided Sokka was his eternal favorite character so long ago, so to be in love with him still now (and forever) and writing a version of him is so rewarding. The next chapter will unite our boys, so be prepared for more adorable and awkward content. Come say hello on twitter too, my handle is (@nassemapollo)!


	3. Where's My Newspaper, Fire Lord? (ZUKO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zuko visits Sokka unannounced, tries his best to ask for help, both act adorably, and he realizes a shocking truth. (ZUKO POV, italics are Zuko's thoughts)

Zuko had planned out exactly what he’d say for hours. Of course, when he stood ready to knock, he forgot it all.

Iroh had found him the night before reading on a terrace of the palace, overlooking the city below. He would come out here when he could not sleep.  _ Innocents, children, all killed in the name of the same throne I sit now. How can I even begin to make amends?  _ He was deeply confused why his uncle was so frazzled, and why he seemed disheveled. “Uncle, what are you doing?”

Iroh took him by the forearms. “Listen to me. Remember how you promised that you would do what I said if I helped you with your troubles?”

_ Oh no.  _ “Yes…”

Iroh looked him straight in the eye. “I have one, Zuko.”

So Iroh told him everything, about his plan for Zuko to take a leave of absence from the duties of Fire Lord, that Iroh would step in with counselors and Avatar Aang would guarantee peace. “Wait a minute, please. I thought you meant you were going to brew me some magic tea or give me another inspirational lesson. This is...intense.”

Iroh looked dead serious. “Your fate rests on this. I know what it means to allow grief to consume your soul. I cannot bear to see the same happen to you.”

The young Fire Lord was deeply conflicted, wanting to be the best leader he could be but also worried what his people would think if he abandoned them. He didn’t trust himself, didn’t trust the powers of the throne he sat, so he chose to trust the one thing that had never failed him.

“You have my commitment, uncle. But you mentioned that someone would be going with me. I hate to break it to you, but Mai and I are happier as just friends.”

Iroh laughed and laughed.  _ This old man and his ‘wisdom.’  _ “I had someone else in mind.”

So Zuko found himself outside the door to Sokka’s apartment.  _ Sokka? Why would he want to help me? _ He trusted his uncle, though. Taking a deep breath, the Fire Lord knocked on the Water Tribes Ambassador’s door.

Zuko’s stomach felt like a vase broken in a thousand shards, the same it did when he took flight on the back of Appa for the first time.  _ What am I doing here?  _ He rocked back and forth on his feet, looking around him, trying to find anything that would distract him. When the door still had not opened, he fidgeted with the ends of his robes.  _ Maybe he’s out to breakfast? _

As if on cue, as soon as Zuko’s nerves got the better of him and made him turn to walk away, the door swung open. “The sun just came up! If you want me to buy a subscription...wait,” Sokka began.

Zuko looked down and saw the Water Tribes Ambassador in his light blue bed robes, cut off at the arms to frame his shoulders, then back to his face.  _ His eyes look so soft and delicate when he’s tired.  _ “Hey. It’s me. Zuko.”

Sokka laughed, clearing his throat. “I thought you were another of those newspaper pushers, always trying to sell me  _ Omashu Daily  _ or  _ The Agna Qel’a Times _ . Sorry. But Zuko, the sun really did just come up.”

Zuko writhed his hands together. “I um...I was hoping we could talk.”

Sokka rolled his tired, soft, delicate eyes and opened the door wider. “Come in. But beware that I’m even more sarcastic before my first cup of tea.”

Zuko laughed softly and crossed the threshold.  _ There’s that smell again, the cinnamon and vanilla.  _ It reminded him of that council meeting, when Sokka had stood just a little too close, and Zuko’s mind disintegrated. “You have a lovely home,” Zuko said, looking around the living room.

“Pardon the messy sheets. You didn’t exactly give me much time to get ready,” Sokka replied, chuckling. He put his hand on Zuko’s shoulder, sending tingles down Zuko’s arm.  _ Just extremely touch starved, that’s all.  _ “I’m going to clean up. I’ll be just a minute, but feel free to look around.” Sokka practically leapt into his bathroom, closing the door behind him.

_ Sokka definitely loves the color blue.  _ Zuko admired the banners hung on the walls, in between them different ribbons and medals Sokka had been given in thanks for his role in ending the Hundred Year War. Zuko had put all his in a box, locked it, and hid it under his bed. 

It wasn’t long until he saw some of Sokka’s paintings. One scene was a sunrise over what Sokka assumed to be the icy expanses of the South Pole. He admired the delicate brushstrokes and color blending in how the purples and oranges merged in the sky.  _ Sokka, Mr. Protective Comedian, painted this? _

It was then he saw the painting of the sweet turtleducks making their rounds on the water. Zuko audibly gasped and became enthralled with how gorgeous the scene was, the still water broken only by the ducks’ wake, the sun shining ethereal through the clouds. 

“It’s not bad, right?” he heard a voice behind him. Startled, Zuko turned to see a grinning Sokka, dressed now in his day robes and with his hair up in a ponytail.

“It...it’s very beautiful,” Zuko said, flattening his robes.  _ Stop being so strange, Zuko!  _ “I didn’t know you painted.”

Sokka nodded, still with an adorable smile on his face. “I learned not too long ago. A couple of guys down at the markets promised to teach me if I convinced ‘the Avatar’ to visit. Easiest deal I’ve ever had to make, I’d say.”

The sun glowed through the window and across Zuko’s face. “They are very pretty.”  _ God, Zuko, talk normally.  _ “Maybe you could show me sometime.”

Sokka nodded, gesturing to the cushioned seat. “I’d be happy to, buddy.”

_ He called me ‘buddy.’  _ Zuko tried not to melt.  _ Why do I want his attention so badly? Why do I want him to see me as a friend?  _ “I doubt I could ever do it as well as you, though. My patience is not the best and Uncle would interrupt and…”

Sokka laughed and rolled his eyes. “Zuko, relax. We’re friends, remember? And for the record, I think you could paint very well if you tried.”

Zuko calmed and felt less on edge, though he still sat rigidly, with his back straight and hands folded in his lap. “Thank you. Yes, we’re friends, of course,” he said, laughing, as if it were Sokka being weird.

“Do you know your uncle came here last night?”

“Yes, and listen,” Zuko began, trying not to get distracted by Sokka sitting so casually with his legs draped over one side of the chair and an arm behind his head. “I thought when he said he was going to help he meant he would make tea or something.”

Sokka laughed. “My sister would do the same thing to help me. Maybe, I don’t know anymore. Either way, it isn’t weird and I am happy that he asked me.” His smile transformed into a smirk. “You might think it’s a little weird, but I get requests for help all the time. I am quite the icon, as you know, so regular folks like you get a little starstruck. It happens.”

Zuko stared just a moment too long at the glint in Sokka’s cerulean eyes. “You may be an icon, but do you have a cool fire thing to wear on your head?”  _ If you are going to be an idiot, you might as well go full idiot. _

Sokka raised his eyebrows and grinned, that sparkle in his eyes intensifying. “Hey, do you want some tea?”

“Oh, yes, please. Thank you.” Sokka was already up preparing the tea just feet away in the kitchen.

“Which do you think would be better for me?” Sokka began, his back turned to Zuko as he poured the hot water into the teapot. “A wave, because, you know...water...or a boomerang?” He turned with the tray. “My sister would mock me for either, but I’d make them both look good.” He winked, stirring something utterly new in Zuko.

_ I can be just as charming as he is.  _ “You’d make anything look pretty, Sokka.”  _ Full idiot. _

As he poured the tea, Sokka laughed. “I never knew you could be so sweet. And, by the way, you look very handsome with that fire thing on your head.”

_ Handsome?  _ He would contemplate the implications of that word choice later. For now, Zuko smiled, but there was resignation and sadness in his eyes. “Yeah. I guess that fire thing is what I’m here to talk about.” He took a teacup from Sokka’s hand. “Thank you. I don’t know exactly what my uncle told you, but obviously you were there in the council meeting. I really appreciate you helping me there.”

“Of course, buddy,” Sokka said, sipping his tea.

Zuko relaxed some and crossed his right leg over his left. He took a sip of the tea.  _ Now I know why Uncle likes him. _ “It meant a lot, especially since you and I have not always been super close.”

“I care a lot about you, Zuko, and I’m so happy to call you a friend. When I see a friend hurting, I’m going to help them. No matter what.”

Zuko placed his tea on the table. “It’s been...hard, if you know what I mean.” He tried his best to keep looking Sokka directly in the eye. “After a hundred years of war, I don’t even know where to start fixing things.” His throat felt dry. His mind flashed back to the moment when Azula’s lightning plunged into him, the moment he thought he died. “I...sorry…”

Sokka put down his tea and leaned toward Zuko. “Hey, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

His mind had left the conversation and plunged full on into his memories, of his mother leaving him, of what his father did to him, of what he did to his sister (and the guilt he still felt for his impossible decision). Fire burning one way and another, searing through all in sight. He saw homes engulfed in flames. He heard the crying children and begging parents, all the refugees in Full Moon Bay.  _ Make it stop, please. I don’t want to suffer anymore.  _ But suffer within his mind he did, until one voice broke through the pain.

“Hey,” Sokka’s soft, gentle voice said. He crouched beside Zuko, holding a blue handkerchief in his hand. “Take this.”

Zuko held the cloth to his eyes. “Thank you. Sorry, that’s so embarrassing.”

Sokka wrapped his arm around Zuko’s shoulders.  _ No one has ever held me like that before.  _ Zuko almost melted into the embrace. “If I’m going to help you, I need you to be fully honest and here with me. You know, like mentally here. You know I care about you.”

Zuko nodded. “I don’t know why you would want to help me, honestly.”

Sokka sighed. “Do you remember what happened when we first met? I tried to take you on singlehandedly and you knocked me flat on my face. But, because I’d already thrown my boomerang it came right around and clocked you in the head.” They laughed together, glad to no longer be enemies. “What we put out there comes back, you know? I’ve not been myself lately either.”

_ It wasn’t only the tea Uncle liked _ . “Maybe we can help each other,” Zuko said, wiping the last of his tears from his face. “You know, if you want.”

Sokka beamed. “Of course I do.” He pulled his arm from Zuko’s back and stood back up. “It’ll be nice to be back out in the world. A few months in one place is really too much for me anyway.”

Zuko stood to meet Sokka’s gaze. “Maybe it’s you who’s too much for one place to handle.”

Sokka shoved his shoulder, then they laughed together, giggling carefree.  _ Is this what trusting someone not named Iroh feels like? _ Zuko tried to understand the feeling that permeated his body, like cinnamon tingles all over his skin. 

“Seriously, though,” Sokka began. “This is a huge change to make. To give up the palace and the throne? Even if you are back eventually?”

Zuko nodded. “I know. It makes me nervous too, but it makes me far more anxious to think of doing something wrong because I didn’t make the harder choice now. There is too much power in that throne.”

“I understand. I’ll pack my things and get ready. Should I come up to the palace tomorrow?”

“Yes, that’s perfect. You can come for breakfast, if you want.”  _ Did I just allow someone into my morning solitude? _ His chest fluttered as if a bird was trapped within, straining to escape.

“You’ll never miss me as long as food is involved,” Sokka said. “Now, come here.” He wrapped his arms around Zuko, the warmth of his body feeling softer than his favorite blanket, more protective than the greatest armor, more gentle than the silkiest robes.

As Zuko reached his arms around to return the embrace, his nose full of that distinctive scent that seemed to radiate off Sokka’s skin, he realized in a flash what this feeling was. 

It wasn’t simply trust.

It wasn’t simply friendship.

_ I am perpetually doomed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three is here!! Ahh I love finally being able to bring these two together for a real one on one conversation. They both own my heart in different ways and the care they have for one another, even as friends, is beautiful. Chapter four is one of my favorite things I've ever written so far, so fasten your seatbelts!!
> 
> Oh, and Zuko is definitely going to FREAK OUT now that he knows what that feeling is.


	4. Sacred Places, Clueless Boys (SOKKA)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka and Zuko have breakfast together, share sacred things, and go on a shopping trip. (SOKKA POV, Italics are Sokka’s thoughts)

Katara and Aang could not place why, but Sokka had been infused with new life. When he came to tell them what he and Zuko planned, they saw a spark in his eye that had not been there since the end of the war. Katara would not tell him, but she was happy to see her brother full of energy again.

Sokka, on the other hand, brooded over what he perceived as his sister’s apathy all the way along the long boulevard that led to the Royal Palace. _She doesn’t care where I go, as long as it’s away from her. It doesn’t matter, I don’t need her anyway._ He tried to shake it off as he came closer to the gates.

The sheer size of the Royal Palace took his breath away every time. Taller than almost any other building he had seen before, it shot into the sky like a giant flame. Red siding wrapped all around it, adorned with carved golden pieces that enhanced the illusion that any visitor was walking straight into fire itself. It was split into three parts, the two smaller annexes on the sides and the looming tower in the middle.

Fire Nation guards stood watch at the large iron gates. Sokka smiled at the unchanging men. “I’m here to see the Fire Lord.”

One of the statuesque guards spoke. “Name?”

 _I’ve been here a thousand times and yet they still ask._ “Sokka, Ambassador for the Water Tribes.” _Not for much longer_. He had written and sent a letter that morning to Chief Arnook, as well as one to Chief Hakoda, telling them of his plans and rendering his (apologetic) resignation as ambassador. In the letter to his father, he had also made brief mention of hoping to make it to the Southern Water Tribe with Zuko.

The guard nodded and the gates opened. “You may proceed. The Fire Lord awaits your audience in the main hall.”

“Thank you,” Sokka replied. Once he passed them, he laughed quietly to himself. _For being Fire Nation citizens, very few are ever warm._ He proceeded on and reached the great hall that ran down the center of the main tower. On each side were torches that burned bright, illuminating the hall. Placed after every other torch was another serious, humorless guard.

In the middle of the hall stood the Fire Lord.

“Zuko!” Sokka called out, a bright smile on his face. Zuko looked awkward as ever, fidgeting with his robes with a smile that, by the looks of it, brought him pain. _Where is the soft Zuko that visited me yesterday?_

“Hello, Sokka. Welcome to the palace,” Zuko said. 

_He’s embarrassed to be happy in front of his guards._ “I’m here all the time, Zuko,” Sokka said, laughing. “You know, you can hug me.” Sokka embraced him but Zuko returned the hug only reluctantly. _This is going to be fun._

“Would you join me for tea and breakfast?”

Sokka bowed, trying to make Zuko laugh with faux courtesy. “After you, Fire Lord.” Zuko led Sokka down the rest of the hall and up the stairs to the dining room. Sokka was struck by the deafening silence that filled the palace. “You really are alone here, aren’t you?”

Zuko shrugged. “I have Uncle. And I know all of the guards. Mai comes here sometimes.”

 _I wonder if they’ve rekindled their relationship. Ha, rekindled._ “Oh, she does? Have you two…”

Zuko shook his head. “No, she and I decided we would be better remaining friends. And for me to date the Earth Kingdom’s ambassador would be...improper.”

As Zuko opened the door to the dining room, Sokka softly slapped him on the back. “You’ll find someone else, buddy.” It was gone as soon as it came, but he thought he saw Zuko wince. _Great, another person annoyed by my presence._

A servant sat them at the table by the east side window. “Woah,” Sokka began. “You can see the sun crest up over the city from here.”

Zuko smiled shyly. “Yes. This is where I like to begin every morning.” The servant placed two bowls on the table, one with berries and one with bread. A tray with a teapot and teacups followed. “Thank you,” Zuko addressed the servant, then returned to Sokka. “I usually take breakfast alone here, just me with my thoughts.”

Sokka tore a piece of bread off the loaf. “Does Iroh slurp his tea?” he asked, with mock seriousness. “I promise to eat as quietly as possible.” _That won’t last._

Zuko finally relaxed and began to eat. “No, it’s not that. I mean, he does and it’s annoying, but that’s not why I like to be alone in the morning. And the afternoon. And the evening.”

Sokka laughed. From this distance he thought he could smell lilac and jasmine. _Is Zuko wearing... perfume?_ “Why, though? I can’t stand to go very long without talking someone to death. Which, prepare yourself, because you will be talked to death many times in our future.”

Zuko smiled with more of that vulnerable brightness that had made Sokka agree to help him yesterday. “Everyone I’ve ever grown close to has left me. My mother, Mai, even my sister, the terror she is. Only Uncle remains, but he slurps his tea and smells funny so I can only handle so much.”

Sokka watched how the rising reds and oranges from the sunrise danced across Zuko’s face, highlighting the sad beauty of his scar. “I understand. When my father and Bato and the other men all left our home to fight, I was rendered the only boy in the whole tribe. Katara and I are closer than most siblings because of that, but I still worry about being left alone to protect myself. So I know some of what you feel. It can be like ice.” _Twice in two days have you had a ‘wise sage’ moment, Sokka. Pace yourself._

Zuko popped a blackberry in his mouth. “Ice...yes that’s a good way to think about it. Like I am frozen to the world. Which is weird, because, well…” Zuko held up his hand and created a small flame from his palm.

Sokka smiled and shook his head. “I pretend like I don’t wish I was a bender, but when you do that, or Aang rides on his air ball thingy, how can I not be jealous?”

Zuko returned the smile, a glint shining from his eye. _Zuko wants to impress me, doesn’t he?_ “I think I’ve eaten enough. What about you?”

“Should be good for the next hour.”

Zuko took on a new sort of grin. _Is he...excited?_ “Come on, I want to show you something.” Zuko rose and led Sokka out of the breakfast room, down a corridor, and outside into the rear grounds of the palace.

“Where are we going?” Sokka asked, taking in the beautifully manicured gardens. Fire lilies and white roses bloomed all around and the scent hung in the air like in a meadow. The early morning dew was sprinkled on the petals. Gardeners tended to the hedgerows, carefully pruning each bush to keep them pristine and healthy. “Zuko, this is gorgeous.”

“Isn’t it?” he said, looking over his shoulder smiling. “But I’m taking you somewhere else.” Sokka trusted him and followed him through the rest of the garden, then to a villa southwest of the main palace. “This is where my family lived while my grandfather was Fire Lord. The house isn’t what I want you to see, though.”

 _Mysterious, as always._ “This is a beautiful home. But I imagine it doesn’t hold many good memories for you.”

“No. Only with my mother. It’s what’s outside I care about.” Zuko led him to a gate, opened it, and welcomed him into a place he considered sacred.

When Sokka saw them, he almost squealed in joy. “Turtleducks!” He ran to the edge of the pond in the water gardens and greeted the little animals. 

Zuko laughed and crouched beside Sokka. _He really is wearing perfume. It’s a good scent for him._ The turtleducks came swimming toward them, chirping. “They are always especially happy in the morning.”

“The most precious babies ever, I love them,” Sokka exclaimed. 

Zuko put his hand out, in which he held a piece of bread. “Take some.”

Sokka smiled. “Zuko! Wait...did you save this from breakfast?” He tore half of the bread off and began to split it into small pieces. The sun shone just right along the water to make it dance in still oranges and yellows.

“Yeah,” he began, lightly tossing pieces to the very thankful turtleducks. “Every morning I do. The gardeners asked me to stop, but they got so sad. And, well, look at them.” The animals chirped, swimming back and forth around the water in front of the boys. _Listen to that soft, sensitive tone in his voice. He’s far gentler than anyone knows, even me._

“How could you deny them anything?” Sokka said, his mouth open in shock at anything but their cuteness mattering. “You know, you brought me here once before.”

Zuko furrowed his brow, trying to remember what Sokka could even be talking about. “No, I don’t think so.”

They stood up together. “Yes, you did. It was night, so I thought it was closer to the palace. When we had the Fire Lily Festival, you brought Aang, Katara, Toph, and I here to your ‘exclusive party.’” Sokka pointed to the terrace that surrounded the gardens. “I remember lanterns hanging across there on strings. Aang and Katara were being all gross by that tree and Toph was distracted using her powers to find out how the turtleducks stayed afloat on the water.”

Zuko’s mouth hung open in shock and he instinctively reached out to Sokka’s shoulder. “I remember now! I told you about my mother and I spending time here, about me trying to hide from Azula, about trying to convince Mai to climb the trees with me.”

“And then the fireworks began and the color glittered across the water. That was such a beautiful time. That was the inspiration for that painting I made.” Sokka said.

“It’s nice to bring you back here again so you can see the ‘precious babies’ in the sunlight too,” Zuko teased.

 _Hey, I’m supposed to be the one to do the mocking._ “I don’t even care who knows I said that. They would make even the worst person melt in love.”

“I promise you, not the worst,” Zuko said, changing the mood dramatically when Sokka realized who he meant.

“Oh…”

Zuko waved him off and smiled. “Don’t worry, let’s not talk about that. We’re here now and he’s not. Do you want to see more of the palace?”

“Yes, let’s,” Sokka replied. They walked through the gate, which Zuko closed carefully, and through the flower gardens. “I’m sorry, Zuko, but I need to go to the bathroom.” Sokka said sheepishly.

“Oh...of course I understand. I will show you to the chambers where you can do that and then you can join me in my apartments, if you want.”

Sokka nodded. “Yes, please.” Zuko led the way upstairs and to the wash closet. Sokka took care of business, then walked down the corridor to where Zuko spent his time. The corridor was lined with lanterns, but along the way were paintings. One of Ba Sing Se, another of Omashu. There was a picture of the sun glinting off the ice walls of Agna Qel’a and one of sky bison over the Western Air Temple. _The whole world in one room._

He knocked on the door to Zuko’s bedroom. “Come in,” the familiar soft voice said from within. Sokka slid the door aside and saw a completely flustered Fire Lord in front of his closets. “First time here?”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Very funny.” The room was sparsely decorated, a simple bed with red sheets, a nightstand, and a window that was covered with golden drapes. Sokka looked over to the bed and saw bags with a handful of robes strewn out the top. 

_He is such a rich kid._ “Have you never packed your own bags before?”

Zuko sighed. “When I was exiled, I didn’t exactly leave under the best conditions. So I’ve really never...planned a trip before.”

Sokka covered his mouth with his hand, pretending to be shocked. “Did you say...plan?”

“I’m not going to allow you to pack my bags for me.”

Sokka looked at Zuko with soft, begging eyes. “Please let me help you. You literally have the world’s greatest plan-maker right here. I’ll work my magic.” _And finally be useful for something again._

Zuko looked at his bags again, then shook his head. “I don’t know, it’s a little weird…”

Sokka shoved his shoulder. “I’m not taking no for an answer, Fire Dork. We’re going to go down to the markets, get everything you need, and pack your things Water Tribe style.”

And so they did, leaving the palace and walking together down to the markets. When they came near, Zuko pulled on Sokka’s robes. “Listen, we need to try to keep a low profile.”

“Why? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?” Sokka said, louder than Zuko would have liked.

“No! But...I’m the Fire Lord. I don’t want to be surrounded down here.”

The smells of the markets filled their noses as they arrived, fresh fish from the docks, warm spices, and ripe fruit. The sight of food stalls made Sokka’s mouth water. _He really is afraid._ “Everything’s going to be fine, buddy. I’m here to protect you if anything happens.” He patted his shoulder, drawing attention to his boomerang. 

Sokka loved the markets. Since he had moved into his apartments nearby, he came down daily to visit new shops, try new foods, and talk to merchants and sailors from all over the world. As people swarmed all around, everyone was too distracted in their daily routines to even notice the Fire Lord among them.

Sokka stopped. “See, they aren’t even going to notice it’s you. Now, do you think you have enough clothes?”

“I think I have that covered,” Zuko said, chuckling.

“That would be great,” Sokka began. “But, you would be wrong. How many heavy coats do you own?”

Zuko thought about it. “None, I guess. It’s always warm here.”

Sokka pointed his finger to his head. “See, that’s why you need me, buddy. If we’re going to go to the North and South Poles, I’d rather not have to explain to Iroh why you decided to emulate Aang and be frozen in an iceberg for a hundred years.” They laughed together. “I’m sure there’s plenty else you aren’t thinking of, so let me lead the way and we’ll find everything we need.”

A few hours passed. Zuko had never been to so many stores all in one day. They bought a beautiful crimson long coat, new boots, hair adornments, hats, any and all Sokka thought Zuko might need. Zuko was still worried about the shopkeepers recognizing him and feeling coerced to give away their wares for free, so Sokka did all the talking and Zuko just tried everything on. One shopkeeper became quite interested in who his other guest was, so Zuko feigned a coughing fit and left the store before buying anything. Sokka chased after him and, once he made sure Zuko was okay, doubled over in laughter.

“I think that’s enough,” Sokka finally proclaimed, much to Zuko’s relief. “Let’s get something to eat.”

Zuko found a table in the market while Sokka bought them two bowls of noodles. He then sat across from the Fire Lord and handed a bowl to him. “Thank you, Sokka, that’s very kind of you.”

“If there are two things I’m good at, it’s thinking ahead and knowing where to find good food,” Sokka said, waving his chopsticks in the air. 

Zuko took a bite and beamed. “Why you and I didn’t hang out before, I don’t know. This is amazing.”

Sokka’s visage became very serious. “You know, if you hadn’t pursued us across half the world, maybe we would have been buddies sooner.” Zuko looked extremely confused. _It’s way too easy to harass him._ “Relax, I’m making what’s called a joke.”

Zuko smiled and nodded. “Well, if I hadn’t tracked you, you’d probably still be down at the bottom of the world. Maybe what you said about actions being like boomerangs is more true than either of us thought.”

 _He looks...different when he feels confident in himself._ “You’re right. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Zuko put down his chopsticks and rested his head on his hand, tilting his head toward Sokka. The sun danced on his golden irises, making them sparkle and glitter like the tiny specks in ice. _There is so much behind those eyes, more than any would think. I could look at them forever. Stop being weird, Sokka._ “When will you be ready to leave?”

“I can leave anytime. I’m at your disposal, Fire Lord.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “I will need to speak with Uncle and the council first. I want to have Uncle and Aang both speak publicly, especially Aang because his status as Avatar will ensure stability. I will speak, finally, to promise my people that I will return but need this time to make sure I am the leader they need.”

 _He really has learned fast, hasn’t he?_ “That all sounds boring...but very sensible. I’ll be ready whenever you are.” 

Zuko fidgeted with his chopsticks. “What are you looking forward to seeing most?”

Sokka put his hand to his chin and thought. “We made such quick stops in so many places, I’d love to return to some and see more. I was always pushing my sister, Aang, and Toph to travel faster so we could make our deadlines. But now I regret it.”

Zuko grinned. “And now you get a second chance.”

“Yes! It’s hard to name one place, but I’ll say home, the Southern Water Tribe. I can’t wait for you to see where I grew up.” _Did I just say that?_ “We’ll row out between the ice and I can teach you our way of fishing. And we’ll go otter penguin sledding.”

The Fire Lord’s eyes widened. “Otter penguin sledding?”

“Oh yes. Just prepare to lose because I’m the best at it.”

Zuko shook his head. “I’m a fast learner, but you’re a sore loser. I think I’ll manage.” he said, winking. _Put that one in the history scrolls, folks, as the first time Zuko’s ever tried to be charming. Valiant effort._

“We’ll see. Now that I think about it, though...you have seen it. Let’s not attack it this time, okay?”

Zuko chuckled. “Okay, I think I can manage that.”

“Good.” _Two days and I already see a totally different Zuko than I knew before._ Sokka smiled at his friend and knew he was in for a much better world tour than his last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four is so near and dear to my heart. It’s the first time we see the boys not only offer each other comforting words but bond over things that are special and important to them! 
> 
> There is only one more chapter before we start the adventure! I am working hard to capture the pure thrill of the series while also highlighting those things that are particularly important to me, especially the healing and tender emotional moments. This is only the very beginning, don’t worry!
> 
> oh, and the romance. but you’ll just need to hold on and let this slow burn develop. 
> 
> thank you all for reading and i’ll see you very soon for chapter five! come say hello on twitter until then, i’m (@fruitynassem)!


	5. Charting the Course (ZUKO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Iroh becomes Acting Fire Lord, Zuko tries to dissuade himself of his feelings, and Zuko and Sokka prepare for their trip abroad. (ZUKO POV, all italics are Zuko's thoughts)

_This is the last time I wear these robes and this crown for a long time._ The day had come for the temporary transfer of power from Zuko to Iroh. He and Iroh had held a meeting with the noblemen and women, explaining the situation and gaining their support. Zuko would abdicate as Fire Lord and Iroh would be the acting Fire Lord for a year’s time. The nobles were somewhat apprehensive, but once Zuko spoke about why he needed time away and they saw his determination and solid handling of the situation they agreed to uphold the power change and his eventual restoration to the throne.

Iroh was speaking to the press in the flower gardens behind the palace now. Originally, Iroh had planned to speak to a large audience in front of the palace but Zuko disagreed with that idea. “I do not wish to hold a mass rally. We are trying to undo the past, not repeat it.” He had instead suggested that Iroh speak with journalists to make sure the power transition was known to all. He had also written his own letter to Fire Nation citizens that was sent to the newspapers, all to ensure no one tried to take advantage of a perceived power vacuum. Of course, in that letter he did not go into full details, nor did he say he would be traveling the world. _The last thing I need is a caravan following Sokka and I around._

Sokka. _I don’t like him, not that way._ He tried to convince himself of how ridiculous the idea was that he could even like Sokka as anything other than a friend. But then he remembered Sokka’s delicate freckles across his cheeks and how they looked in the water gardens, almost mirrors of the floating lilies on the pond. He remembered how it sounded when Sokka called him ‘handsome,’ like it was the easiest word ever uttered. _You complimented him first, idiot!_

He heard applause and knew Uncle would be returning soon. _I need to get Sokka out of my mind._ With a flourish, the door opened and Iroh walked back into the palace, loud shouting from the press with ever more questions flooding in until it was closed again. 

Iroh smiled and embraced his nephew. “It’s done now. I am very proud of you, Zuko.”

Zuko smiled sadly. “Thank you for your help. With everything.” Zuko had brooded over whether to make this decision still in the end. He feared that his temporary resignation might upset the peace, that he would singlehandedly make the very mistake he tried to avoid. But, after speaking with Aang and gaining his support, and seeing Iroh handle the politicking with such a deft hand, he felt confident. _This is what my people need. This is what I need._

All that was left now was to charter a ship. Iroh had suggested a reputable travel company where they could book passage aboard a passenger vessel, a much more inconspicuous means of travel than a Fire Navy ship. He would meet Sokka down at the docks later to see the ship and buy their tickets.

For now, he returned to his apartments alone. As he walked up the staircase, his mind wandered again. He remembered how elegant Sokka’s paintings were, which led to him thinking about his gentle hands and long fingers holding the paintbrushes just right to create such delicate details _Enough!_

He slid the door open to his bedroom and walked in. Almost helplessly he stopped, turning with such deliberate grace and imagining Sokka standing in the threshold once again. He could see his long frame filling the doorway, arm resting casually to the side, saying ‘First time here?’ all over again. And, for the first time, Zuko blushed.

“No matter what I do, I’m helpless!” Zuko shouted before dramatically throwing himself on his bed. His eyes welled up in light tears and he crossed his arms, almost holding himself. 

He remembered Sokka’s arm around his shoulder, feeling totally protected and cared for. 

He thought of the way Sokka smelled, following him from the council meeting to their hug to playing with the turtleducks. He remembered how it even broke through all the pungent smells at the market, the cinnamon and vanilla besting all others. 

He pondered just how dedicated Sokka was to protecting him at Boiling Rock, and how much Zuko trusted in Sokka and wanted to keep him safe too in return.

He remembered the first time he had ever seen him, with that silly makeup on at the Southern Water Tribe village. How their eyes met and the blue in Sokka’s irises reflected a deep determination, passion, and relentlessness.

Zuko sighed. _When we were enemies, I admired him. When we were acquaintances, I trusted him. Now that we’re friends, apparently I love him._

 _No! Not love._ He sat up and looked at the bags sitting in the corner of the room. Three days ago, after their trip to the market, Sokka showed Zuko the Water Tribes method for packing. “You have to carefully fold every garment, or else you end up with wrinkles in everything and overstuffed bags.”

Zuko tried to fold the silky robes, but every time he made a new fold the last slipped out from under. He began to get frustrated, finally tossing it away from him in a heap.

Sokka laughed, then stepped beside Zuko. “Let me help you.” Zuko’s entire consciousness leapt from his body when Sokka gently placed his hands on top of Zuko’s, the tan pair being ever so slightly larger than the pale. Despite his heart racing and overwhelmed nerves overtaking and stiffening his arms, Zuko allowed Sokka to guide him in elegantly folding the robe into the neatest and smallest possible.

“See? Not hard,” Sokka said, grinning, his face far too close to Zuko’s for comfort. _He’s not flirting with me, right? He’s like this with everyone, a natural charmer._

Zuko stuck out his hands and could still see the silhouette of Sokka’s long fingers over his, the weight of his palms gently placed over the top of his hands. _I can’t have a crush on Sokka._ _There are so many reasons why I can’t like Sokka._

He left his bed and walked out onto the terrace. The warmth of the sun on his face was ethereal gold, like a butterfly landing on his nose, _like Sokka’s touch._ As he overlooked the city below, he tried to think of all the reasons his feelings were ridiculous.

  * _**I’m the Fire Lord.** Not anymore, and it wouldn’t matter anyway._


  * _**It’s not Fire Nation tradition.** If we followed Fire Nation tradition I’d be supporting my father’s rule over the entire world._


  * _**Sokka is dating Suki!** No longer._



He thought harder, beyond the ‘official’ reasons when those ran out.

  * _**He likes girls.** You do too, you fool._


  * _**He’s way prettier than me.** This one’s true._


  * _**He doesn’t deserve my drama.** Also true._



Zuko laughed out loud to himself. _Two perfectly good reasons right there. He would never like me back. I just need to wait this out and my crush will fall away and I’ll be able to remain just close friends._

Except later, when he went down to the docks, he realized just how doomed he really was. 

He saw him from behind first, talking to some dockhands in from somewhere else, anywhere else. He looked like no one else to Zuko, believing that even in a crowd of a million he could find him effortlessly. _Full idiot._

“Sokka!” Zuko called out. 

Sokka whipped around and beamed, his bright cerulean eyes glittering in the sun. “Hey, buddy! Good to see you again. I’m sure it was hard to manage a few days without me.”

 _More than you know._ Zuko opened his arms for a hug and they embraced. “I figured if I’m going to be stuck with you every day now I needed to enjoy a bit of quiet.”

They laughed together. “From now on, you are going to be entertained 24 hours a day, don’t you worry.” Sokka gestured to the ship at the end of the docks. It was a modest vessel, fast, and looked sturdy. They picked their bags up and began to walk down toward it. “So, everything go okay with all the...political stuff?”

“Yeah. It’s been tough, but I feel confident now that everything will be okay. And I’m very excited for our trip, especially since it’s with you.” _He’s going to know you like him if you keep this up, Fire Dork._

“Zuko! Stop, you’re going to make me blush,” Sokka replied, softly laughing. _He likes me too._ “Seriously, though, we’re going to become such good buddies real soon.” _He doesn’t like me._

When they reached the ship, they joined the queue for tickets, standing in line behind an older man and his wife. Seagulls squawked overhead, bells rang out on ships, and loud conversation that never seemed to end carried on all around. “Are you sure you don’t want to just use one of the navy ships? We could have the whole thing to ourselves.”

Zuko shook his head. “No, we need to do this without too much attention. And if we’re going to go out into the world, I’d actually like to meet people who live everyday lives in it.”

Sokka shrugged. “Alright, whatever you say.”

“Have you said goodbye to your sister yet?”

“I stopped in to say hello yesterday,” Sokka began. The line moved forward. “Katara seems...distant. I know she won’t mind me being gone for a while, but I don’t know the reason. Does she want me away from her that badly? Or is she happy for me?”

 _He’s not asking, but he’s asking._ “Well, I’m sure she’s going to miss you. Think about all you and Katara went through together. Maybe she needs time to feel...normal again.”

Sokka looked shocked. “Are you saying I’m not normal?”

 _If you were normal I wouldn’t like you so much._ “Sokka, please, would you even want to be normal?”

He laughed. “No. But maybe you have a point. She needs some time to enjoy life, not always focused on responsibilities and duty. And if that means she needs to be kissy-kissy with Aang, as much as it makes me ill, I understand.”

“At least you didn’t have to put your sister in an institution,” Zuko said sardonically.

Sokka’s eyes went wide. “Yeah, she’d fight me before that could happen. I’d rather not have to duel her. She’d wipe the floor with me in a minute.” He put his hand on Zuko’s arm. “Hey, you’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for.” 

Zuko’s gaze lingered far too long on his hand. _Stop being so obvious._ “Sometimes I’m so smart I do dumb things.”

Sokka rolled his soft, pretty eyes. _They’re so expressive, like a pure outlet for his feelings._ “Don’t get too sure of yourself now, we’re both dumb and we know it.”

They finally reached the ticket stall. A grizzled man with a patchy beard was the attendant, not even giving them the courtesy of a glance. “Hello, sir, where is this ship traveling to first?” Zuko asked politely.

“Depends what you consider first,” the attendant grumbled.

“What city will you sail to first?”

“I won’t be sailing to any city.”

Sokka had enough. “Hey, he tried to be polite. Now you have to deal with me.” _Here’s protective Sokka._ “What city is this ship going to dock in first?” he said plainly and clearly, staring directly at the attendant. He’d only ever heard his commanding voice a handful of times, but for the first it stirred something in Zuko’s chest. 

“Omashu,” the attendant said, staring at Sokka as if he was the problem.

“We will take two tickets and an itinerary.” Sokka said. Zuko took payment from his pouch and gave it to the clerk. In return, he received both tickets and a list of stops. “Thank you so much,” Sokka sarcastically said, ending the painful interaction. As they walked off to the side, Zuko couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s so funny, Fire Dork?” _Do I really love it when he calls me that?_

“Nothing, nothing. I could have handled that.” Zuko said.

Sokka looked at him with a dumbfounded expression. “Of course you could have. But you deserve to be treated with respect so I had to step in.”

“I appreciate it, but don’t feel obligated to do that. You don’t have to be my bodyguard.”

“I automatically become bodyguard over anyone I care about,” Sokka said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you remember Boiling Rock?”

 _I do, but maybe differently now than before._ “Alright. Let’s look at the itinerary.”

A large row of passengers rushed by them, recently departed from their vessel and no doubt in a rush to nowhere. One bumped into Sokka and Zuko instinctively reached around to pull him closer. “What was that about bodyguards?” Sokka said with a mischievous grin and raised eyebrows.

“Sorry. Okay, let’s look now.” He opened the paper and read the first bullet point. “Ember Island.” _Somewhere a scroll with my name at the top foretells my life’s story and it says but one word: doomed._

Sokka’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened in shock. “Ember Island?” He jumped in the air and shouted in glee. “We both love Ember Island!”

 _That’s exactly what I’m worried about._ “Let’s just hope we get to have more...fun...than the last time we were there.” He once thought of Ember Island as paradise on earth, but now all it made him feel was tremendous guilt. He pushed those thoughts away as best he could.

Both boys turned their heads toward the ship when they heard the bell ring. Sokka put his arm around Zuko’s shoulders and raised his hand in the air toward the ship. “We were Team Avatar on our last trip around the world, but it’s just the two of us this time. I’ve got it, the Wolf-Dragon Duo! Let’s go see it all, buddy.” He ran off toward the ship.

Zuko smiled. _The Wolf-Dragon Duo. How could I not have a crush on him? It’ll pass and we’ll have the best of times together. As best friends._ Like a flash, he was running, following Sokka’s trail to the ship and out into the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are off into the world! Both must remember why they go, to confront hard truths and heal from traumas they carry.
> 
> Before we see them on Ember Island, though, chapter six will introduce a very exciting new POV character! The story related in their chapter may seem somewhat unrelated to Sokka and Zuko's, but i promise you that I am laying the groundwork for something much larger. The scope of this story is pretty staggering and, I hope, thrilling because of it. 
> 
> I love you all, thank you so much for continuing to read this story!


	6. Power Players (MAI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mai reveals herself as a political actor, organizes a festival with Iroh, and visits an old friend. (MAI POV, italics are Mai's thoughts)

It was not like Iroh to be late. Usually he would be in his study twenty minutes early, carefully preparing tea to serve. This time, though, Mai sat alone in the chair in front of his desk, using a stiletto to clean under her fingernails.  _ Why does it seem like all I do is wait around for old men anymore? _

First it was King Bumi. For some insane reason, Mai, coincidentally only a few days after leaving Zuko, received a letter from the king requesting an audience with her in the Fire Nation Capital. She had just moved in with Ty Lee, who was staying in a small home in the capital, and both had expected to need to work together to support themselves. In the letter, Bumi detailed that he did not want anyone knowing he was coming, writing of some ‘spies in the shadows’ that would sabotage his plans.

“He’s totally crazy, right? I cannot take this position,” Mai said to Ty Lee, wanting her advice.

Ty Lee elegantly descended from a handstand and landed on the soft grass. The inner courtyard of their home was a carefully maintained garden where Ty Lee practiced her acrobatics while Mai tended to the flowers and wrote poetry. “Why not? You are perfect for it! He’s counting on you to help his whole kingdom.”

“He doesn’t even want anyone knowing he’s coming here. And the daughter of a former Fire Nation governor would not exactly be beloved.”

“Mai, you’re not seeing it from his perspective. He no doubt has heard of your kind heart and knows how intelligent you are. You are exactly the right person because you understand both places, Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation, so well.”  _ Ty Lee, someday I will find a way to exact revenge on you for talking me into this. _

So she waited for Bumi to sail all the way from Omashu. She met with the king secretly at the docks. He would not even leave his ship, forcing her to come aboard and down to his cabin. She accepted the position mostly because, in her mind, she had nothing else better to do, but she could not deny that perhaps Ty Lee’s words had made an impact on her.  _ I can be more than what people expect from me.  _ So she became the Omashu Ambassador, but, because of the scope of rebuilding necessary, she also advocated for Ba Sing Se and other places throughout the Earth Kingdom.

If she were honest, she would admit that she took the job to help Zuko, too. She believed in him still, in his ability to change the Fire Nation and end the cycles that had brought so much destruction. Yet, week by week, she came to understand that he was in an impossible position. He could not do what he needed to as Fire Lord because no one could.  _ Why do I seem to be the only one that sees the throne as the problem? _

She would never tell Zuko, but she had been quietly organizing his resignation.  _ It’s a betrayal, undermining him, but a betrayal to save his life.  _ He could manage the administrative tasks deftly and effectively, but she saw how the weight of the throne crushed him. A week before the infamous council meeting, Mai had first spoken to Iroh about her concerns. Much to her surprise, he was on the same page.

Iroh had put his head in his hands. “I thought he was ready, thought I was demonstrating my deep trust in him, but all I did was saddle him with a burden no one can bear.”

Mai and Iroh deliberated on how best to manage a transition for Zuko’s benefit. Once, perhaps, Mai would have felt out of her league as a political player, but no longer.  _ I belong here. I make a difference here.  _ The most important part of their plan was who would travel with Zuko.

Mai knew that Zuko was a kindred soul to only one person.  _ We love each other, but I am not the balance he needs.  _ She knew from the moment she interrogated Zuko at Boiling Rock he loved another, was right with another, even if he did not know it yet himself.  _ All my life I could see the things in his eyes even he did not know about himself. _

_ Fire and water. Inside Zuko’s fire he had a piece of him that was water, too. He has always needed someone ruled by water but with a spark of fire within to balance him.  _ It was that night of the Fire Lily Festival when she knew for certain. While the others were all distracted, she watched how Zuko’s sweet, gentle, passionate soul shone for Sokka. It broke her heart all over again that she could not be what he needed, but she, once again, dedicated herself to helping him. 

When Mai told Iroh that she believed it needed to be Sokka, he was shocked. “I thought you would be best, or perhaps Ty Lee,” Iroh said, lost in thought. 

“No. It needs to be Sokka,” she said. And Iroh listened to and trusted her. The plan had worked so far, uniting the boys and preparing them for a trip to places Zuko needed to return to or see for the first time.  _ He needs to confront the hard truths, the things about himself, our culture, and our world that need to be changed. I could tell him that as long as the Fire Nation monarchy exists peace will never be the status quo. But it would not be enough. He needs to learn that for himself. _

Now she waited, a week after the  _ Chaeryu _ set sail, in Iroh’s study to begin her next plan.  _ Zuko needs his balance and he will find that with Sokka. But there is a third… _

Mai heard the door open behind her and stood to greet Iroh. “I hope you do not mind me making myself comfortable while I waited,” she said, her tone betraying her annoyance. She slipped her dagger back in her robes.

Iroh smiled as he walked to his desk. “No, of course not. You are always welcome here, whether or not we are meeting. I apologize for the delay.”

Mai shrugged. “It’s fine. Are you okay?”

Iroh huffed as he sat down, smoothing out his beard. “Yes. It’s surprising how this role cannot be understood by any until you act in it. I thought growing up with a father and brother as Fire Lord would have prepared me, but it is far different than what I thought.”

Mai nodded. “More reason now to believe we were right to remove Zuko from that burden.”

“Oh yes. Mai, you continue to impress with your wisdom beyond your years.”

_ I have had far more...teachable moments...than most my age.  _ “Thank you, sir.”

“Now, down to business. What was it you wished to speak with me about today?”

“I’m worried that Zuko’s absence may create the perception of a power vacuum. I think you fill that perfectly, of course, but I am concerned that some nobles may use this as an opportunity to...make decisions they would not have otherwise. I propose we throw a surprise festival in order to provide entertainment for those in the capital.”

Iroh nodded, deep in thought. “And also provide a distraction to ensure no big political shifts happen in the short term. Very astute, Mai.”

_ I don’t require your praise, just your respect.  _ “We have yet to hold a festival in honor of the Avatar. That may be something that unifies everyone in the city.”

Iroh wrote down Mai’s thoughts on a pad of paper on his desk. “Avatar Aang, as a temporary resident of the Fire Nation Capital, should be feted as due someone of his position. He endorsed the decision we made in regard to Zuko, so I am sure he will agree to this as well.”  _ The decision Zuko made, Iroh. You made the mistake and he has to find the solution, so at least remember his agency. _

They worked out the preliminary details as to all the festival would entail. Iroh would need to speak to contacts to pull off an event of such type, but Mai did not have time to help him with that. Not today.  _ He needs to do something for himself. _

Ending the meeting at the two hour mark, Mai left the palace and went back home. “Hello,” she greeted Ty Lee, who was cutting fruit in the kitchen.

“Hello, Mai! It’s wonderful to see you. How did your meeting go?”

Mai grinned helplessly.  _ She’s the only person that makes me smile this way. Perhaps that’s why I love her so much.  _ “As expected, thankfully. I have to change quickly now, though, to make it in time.”

“Oh,” Ty Lee said, her voice sad for not having more time with Mai at the moment. Mai went upstairs and to her room. She pushed Ty Lee’s clothes to the right side of the closet to find what she needed. Slipping out of her fine formal red silk gown, Mai pulled on the black dress that made her feel so powerful.  _ I’m everyone and no one in this. I’ll need the strength for what I have to do today. _

She left the home again, blowing Ty Lee a kiss on the way out. Within the crowded streets, dressed in all black, Mai felt as if she could slip in anywhere without being seen by any number of spies in the city. She had come to understand that not only did foreign kingdoms and nations station watchers in the Fire Nation Capital but so too did nobles even in the Fire Nation elite.  _ Always out to one-up someone else.  _ Mai had installed a spy network of her own after becoming Omashu Ambassador, not to monitor the inner governmental workings but instead to keep tabs on an old friend.

She reached her destination, a large, seemingly impenetrable building west of the markets. For weeks now she had prepared for this moment. With the opportunity to have Zuko out of the city, Mai felt confident enough that not only would he be safe but that she would be in control. She had worked with powerful friends to strategize and plan, yet the moment belonged to her and she would reach out and claim it.

She walked up the steps and into the building. A secretary sitting at a desk in the lobby greeted her. “Good afternoon. How may I help you?” The antiseptic whiteness of the lobby nearly blinded Mai. This was no home, provided no comfort.  _ She does not deserve to be here.  _ She reached into her robes and handed the woman a letter. After reading it, the secretary eyed Mai suspiciously. “I will return in a moment, please wait here.”

After a minute or two away, the secretary and a distinguished looking man returned. “I will take you to who you desire. Please, follow me.” Mai tailed him down the main hall, passing room after room housing those deemed too ‘insane’ to function in society.  _ She is many things, but she has never been insane. _

They walked up a tall staircase and down another hall. The man stopped at a large room at the end of the hall. “She is here, ma’am.”

“Thank you,” Mai replied. Two guards were posted outside the door. She took a deep breath and nodded for one of them to open the door for her.

Stepping inside the room, Mai could hardly breathe.  _ This is the first time I have seen her in five months, since that day at Boiling Rock.  _ There was a bed that ran alongside the right wall, an armoire for clothing in the left corner, and a bookcase on the left wall. Another door presumably led to the bathroom. 

Azula sat in the chair before the window, her back turned to Mai, looking out over the city beyond.

“Hello, Azula,” Mai said warily. No response. “It’s me, Mai.”

Azula groaned, keeping her attention fixed at the window. “My brother has decided to send you to end me. Fitting, really.”

_ Exactly what I expected.  _ “Zuko is no longer Fire Lord.”

Silence lingered for a moment. Azula broke it with bellowing laughter, her shoulders heaving. “Someone got him, then, first. My condolences.”

“No, he resigned. But he is not who I am here to talk about. I am here to help you, Azula.”

In a flash, the chair went tumbling backwards. Azula was standing now and slowly turned to look at Mai.  _ She looks so...pale. Like life has been washed from her body. But her eyes still glow.  _ Azula’s hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail, a drastically different look than usual, and she was dressed in plain brown institution-issued clothes. “Do you wish to help me like you did at Boiling Rock?”

“You have to understand why I did what I did.”

The disgraced former princess rolled her eyes. “For love, is that right? That’s what you told me. You wanted me to believe that your love for dear Zuzu was what guided you. But we both know what the truth was.”

“What does that mean?” Mai said, shocked.

Azula laughed again in a deeply unsettling way.  _ If there is a fine line between dissociation and genius, she’s straddling that more than ever.  _ “You wanted to be his queen. The queen. To have the power that comes with that.”

Mai shook her head. “No, that is not true.”

“Hmm” was all Azula replied.

_ No matter how much this hurts, you need to do it.  _ “Azula, if I wished to be queen, I would not have organized removing Zuko from the throne. I did all I did to help him because I love him. I gave him up because I love him, and because someone else can love him better.” Azula raised an eyebrow.  _ Good, I have her attention.  _ “With Zuko away and Iroh acting as Fire Lord, it is time now to get you out of this place.”

Azula shook her head. “I can buy that you betrayed me for some misguided notion about my dear brother, but do not insult me with that drivel. This is where I will die.”

_ I need to swallow my pride and speak in a way she will understand.  _ “You will not be dying here, Azula. I am the ambassador for the kingdom of Omashu. I am the daughter of Ukano and Michi and a servant of the Fire Nation. Above all, Azula, I am your closest friend and I love you.”

Azula looked upon Mai with no less anger, but the gaze in her eye shifted from rage to fear. “Love. That’s all you seem to care about.”

“I love you. Because of that, I care about you.” Mai reached into her robes and pulled out a small box. “This is a token of that care,” she said, handing the box to Azula.

Azula carefully pulled the lid off the top, half-expecting a trap. But, as soon as she saw what was inside, she broke into tears. Her entire body shook, shoulders heaving, breath hitching in her throat. 

Mai smiled softly. “After all these years, I still remember.” Mochi had always been Azula’s favorite food.  _ She needs to be reminded that she is special and deserves a chance to find her way again. _

“I hate you for making me cry,” Azula said, her tone oddly half-serious and half-exaggerated. “The food here must be infamous if you know how bad it is.”

Mai rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to worry about any of that for too much longer. Before the end of the week, you will have seen the last of this horrible place.”

Azula stuffed her mouth with a piece of mochi, her face communicating just how great it tasted.  _ From expecting me to kill her to eating the food I brought in no time. This will either be easier or harder than I think.  _ “How do you expect me to believe that?” Azula asked after swallowing. “If my uncle is the Fire Lord now, he is not stupid enough to remove me from this place.”

“This has nothing to do with your uncle,” Mai began, stepping closer to Azula.  _ She is still as beautiful as ever, she just needs some sunlight and better sleep.  _ “A group of some powerful people are working with me on getting you out of here.”

“Ty Lee is not a powerful person,” Azula said, rolling her eyes.

“I don’t mean her,” Mai said, coming even closer, only inches away from Azula’s face now. “People who care a lot about you, even if you would never admit it. One in particular.”

Azula’s face flashed in thought, her eyebrow raising. “Who?”

Mai brought her mouth to Azula’s ear and whispered two words. “The Avatar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW POV ALERT! I adore Mai and for so long have considered her one of the most underappreciated characters in the series. To me, in a post-Ozai Fire Nation, she would be equipped with the perfect set of tools to be a political heavyweight. What will happen once she is able to free Azula from the institution? 
> 
> Next chapter will return to our boys as they arrive on Ember Island. 
> 
> Thank you all once again for reading and thinking about my fic! It warms my heart to know people find some sort of value in what I write. Come say hello on Twitter (@nassemstormborn)!


	7. Brighter By Colored Light (SOKKA)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka learns of one of Zuko's coping mechanisms, the boys arrive on Ember Island, and they have a moment of catharsis. (SOKKA POV, italics are Sokka's thoughts) 
> 
> NOTE: chapter references canon comic 'Ember Island Arcade'

The rain beat down on Sokka like rocks falling from a cliff, pummeling him over and over again. “Zuko!” he shouted, his voice raw and hoarse as the water rushed down his face. He began running toward Zuko, but the ship rocked so hard back and forth he stumbled with every step. 

“Get away from the edge!” Sokka shouted. Azure lightning cracked across the sky, controlling every bit of Zuko’s attention. Sokka took another step forward but slipped on the wet deck, his face slamming hard into the wood. By the time he looked up, blood and water both now rushing down his face, it was too late.

A bolt of blue struck Zuko in the heart, sending him flying over the railing and into the deep expanse below.

He gasped and shot forward in the bed, his nerves burning under his skin. Instead of nothingness, he took in the sight of the now-familiar cabin he and Zuko shared. _Another one._ He touched his face and thankfully found no wound. _Three this month. My father, Katara, and now Zuko. They need me and each time I can’t do it._

He rose from the tiny bed and stretched, trying to shake off the feeling. In the cabin there was a set of bunk beds with thin pillows. When they boarded, Sokka claimed the bottom bunk. “So I can respond quickly if someone tries to rob us,” he said. He pulled the curtain from across the porthole and all was still dark. _I hope I haven’t woken Zuko._

He stepped back and looked to the top bunk. Only the well-worn sheet and pillow were left. The pit returned to Sokka’s stomach, but he took stock of how smooth the sailing was and told himself to disregard his fears. _He’s probably just getting some fresh air up on deck. I’ll go check on him._

He tightened the cord that held his night robe together, put on his slippers, and tied his hair back. Leaving the cabin, he was careful to be as quiet as possible. He walked by rows of cabins, all full of people going somewhere, maybe Ember Island like them, maybe Omashu. He passed a small alcove with a table where some passengers and crew engaged in friendly games and shared liquor. A few smiled back when he gave them a small wave.

After he climbed the staircase, he was hit with the cool night wind and the salt spray from the waves. _The days are hot as fire, but the nights remind me of the South Pole. Okay, maybe not that bad._ The deck was quiet, with only sailors and a few passengers around. The stars twinkled across the black expanse above. “Hello, Yue,” he whispered to the familiar silver disc above. _Another I failed._

He walked toward the bow, struggling to distinguish people aboard, all silhouettes in the darkness. At the very front of the ship he saw a figure showered in silver light, dancing fluidly and elegantly. _That can’t be Zuko._ But, as he came closer, he recognized his friend’s figure and bearing like a birdwatcher could distinguish between a sparrowkeet and a blue jay from hundreds of feet away. _Zuko knows how to dance? Better question, why is he dancing?_

Sokka smiled and watched him for a moment before breaking the silence. “Planning to run off and join the circus?”

In a flash Zuko stood on two feet again with arms straight at his sides. “Sokka...I wasn’t expecting you to come up. You looked so sound asleep.”

 _I was, until…_ “Is it alright if I do?”

Zuko laughed. “Of course it is.” Sokka stepped in front of him, the moon’s glow now highlighting his distinct features. “I’m always happy to have you around.”

 _This is why people don’t understand you, Zuko._ “Were you having trouble sleeping?”

Zuko nodded. “Yeah. I guess.” His gaze wavered to the right. “I’m not used to the water yet, I guess.”

 _You spent a very long time living at sea before we met. What are you hiding?_ “It takes time. So, are you planning to?”

Zuko furrowed his brow. A wave crashed against the hull and sent another light salt misting onto the deck. “Planning to what?”

“Run off and join the circus.”

Zuko chuckled. _The best challenge I’ve ever had, making the Fire Dork laugh._ “No, of course not. Not long after I became Fire Lord, I struggled to manage the stress of the job. I needed an outlet for my frustrations that was not, you know, burning the palace down or something. Ty Lee offered to teach me what she knew of Tai Chi. At first, it only made me more frustrated but now it balances me.”

“In what way?”

“I guess it allows me to feel in control,” Zuko began. “I thought I mastered fighting with dual swords, but since I began tai chi I realized there is so much more to it all than simply knowing how to fight. Being lighter on my feet and more nimble makes me softer, I guess. Which seems counterintuitive.”

Sokka remembered how his sister so elegantly waterbended. “No, I understand. You have to be able to redirect what’s coming toward you. Like you can do with lightning. 

Zuko’s golden eyes, washed out in the silvery light, lit up. “Yes, exactly. Otherwise, even if you take the hit, you will always take some form of damage.”

Sokka laughed. _He seems...older. More mature than anyone else I know. We understand things similarly, especially balance._ “So now, instead of throwing a teacup at my head when I pester you in council meetings, you can simply redirect your anger.”

“Hey, I’ve never thrown a teacup at you!”

“No,” Sokka began. “But I’m sure you’ve wanted to.” Zuko rolled his eyes. “I understand it, though. I guess painting helps me do the same thing. The patience and gentle hand it takes to create tiny details helped me focus on each breath and on the energy that flows through me.”

Zuko grinned. “Why did we never realize just how much we have in common before?”

Sokka shrugged. “I’m glad we do now, though.” _He could paint well._ “You know, I’d be happy to teach you to draw and paint.”

Zuko’s eyes widened in excitement. “Really? If you wanted, I could show you what I know of tai chi and sword fighting.”

Sokka beamed wide. “You have a deal, Fire Dork. For now, though, can we go back to bed?”

The other boy laughed. “Yes, let’s.”

* * *

Ember Island seemed to never sleep. When Sokka and Zuko disembarked the ship in port, carrying their bags over their shoulders, they could see people everywhere in the distance, mostly tourists hopping from bar to bar and resort to resort. As they descended the platform to shore, Sokka looked over his shoulder and smiled at Zuko behind him. “We’re going to have so much fun.”

Zuko nodded and smiled in return, but he was far less enthusiastic. _I thought he loved Ember Island._ When they reached shore, Sokka led them over to the ship kiosk. “How long will the ship be here until it’s time to leave again?”

The woman in the booth was far friendlier than her counterpart in the Fire Nation Capital. “Looking at the manifest here, the _Chaeryu_ will only need three hours to refit.”

Sokka turned to Zuko, his eyes wide. “Only three hours? I thought it would take longer.”

 _He’s smiling, but in his eyes there is a hint of sadness. Like he wants to coast through this moment, feeling nothing._ “We can stay as long as you want, Sokka. There will be more ships.”

Sokka cheered, thrilled by an idea he had not considered. He grabbed Zuko by the upper arm in excitement. “If you aren’t careful, you’re going to steal my thunder as the plan guy.” They walked away from the booth and began the trek down the road toward the main city on Ember Island. Tall mountains loomed in the distance, framing the low ground. “It’s nice to be back here under better circumstances than last time.”

Zuko laughed softly. “Let’s not see the Players, please. Last time was enough to last me for a long time.” _Noted._

The smells of roasted meat, fresh fruit, and sweet flowers filled the air as they came closer to town. Market stalls were set up along the road into the village, enticing the many tourists that surrounded Zuko and Sokka with temptations. Sokka, the restrained, self-controlled person he was, limited himself to sampling no more than eight different foods.

 _Where has all this food been all my life?_ Roasted pork marinated in mango sauce, sweet corn tossed in a sriracha sauce, and fine aged cheese were his favorites. He noticed Zuko was not nearly as interested eventually. “Hey, you have to try this grilled pineapple!” Sokka said, holding out a piece to his friend.

Zuko shook his head but smiled softly. “No, thank you. But please enjoy everything you want! It’s...cute...to see you have so much fun.”

Sokka beamed, finishing his pineapple skewer. _He means it, but he’s obviously struggling with something. Probably best if we head on to the hotel._ “I’m full for now I think!”

“It’s up to you,” Zuko replied, stepping aside for a group of girls to pass by him. The two boys walked next to each other again. They came into the town, an amalgamation of large red-roofed resorts, hotels, restaurants, shops, and, somewhere, a particular arcade Sokka very much wanted to visit. _Street Bender, a chance to finally prove that if I was a bender, I’d be the best._

They stood in front of a towering hotel, painted in a cream color as a contrast to the bright crimson red roof shingles and framing around the windows. “Hey, I remember when I came here once we dined at the restaurant in the top floor. It was nice.”

“Sounds good to me!” Sokka said, bringing his arm around Zuko’s shoulder gently to move them out of the way of a speeding cart. “I’m ready to get these bags off my back.”

They booked a room, agreeing on at least two nights, and walked the long flights of stairs up to floor three. Sokka was aghast at the opulence, his mouth hanging open in front of one particular feature. “Zuko, they have a gold-plated fish tank. This is heaven.”

Zuko smiled softly but shook his head. “This island is so beautiful, I don’t know why people care so much about these silly things. No offense.”

 _None taken. But when you grew up in a home that hardly qualified as more than a hut, creature comforts can be enticing._ “Don’t worry, Fire Dork, the beaches and sunsets will always impress me most.”

Zuko used the key to unlock the door and they entered their room. Sokka threw the bags down in the corner and jumped on the left bed, throwing himself onto the soft sheets. “Seriously?” Zuko asked, setting his bags down with much more care.

“We’re here to enjoy ourselves, bud. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept on a soft bed.” _But nothing will be as comforting as that damn couch you gave me._

Zuko rolled his eyes, then walked across the room to open the curtains. From there, he could look out over the west side of the island. Mountains stretched in the distance all the way down to the shore, where the wide blue expanse lapped up on the sand. His gaze remained on those waves and on the sunny beaches, some of which he had visited before and some not.

Sokka sat back up on the bed. “So, Zuko, I have a teeny tiny request.”

Zuko turned back to him. “Yes?”

“I really, really want to visit the arcade here. Have you ever been?” _Why does he look instantly pained at the mere mention of the arcade?_

Zuko writhed his hands together. “I have. You should go. I’d rather just stay here.”

Sokka groaned dramatically and stood up. “What do you mean, you’d rather ‘stay here?’ I thought we were going to have a blast tonight. Boys on the town, if you will.”

He shook his head. “I’m...tired. I’d rather go to the beach tomorrow.”

 _Just try to get out of having a thrill, Zuko. It’s so totally you._ “Alright, I’ll make you a deal. You’ll come with me for dinner and down to the arcade tonight. Then, tomorrow, we’ll go to the beach and do whatever you want there!”

Zuko looked conflicted. “I don’t know…”

 _Must I beg?_ Sokka grabbed his shoulders gently. “Come on, Zuko, work with me buddy. I won’t make you play any games you don’t want to, but I want you with me!”

He smiled softly and nodded. “Fine. But promise me you won’t blow all of our money.” Sokka just grinned back at him.

“How did we not come here last time?” Sokka shouted when they reached the center of town. Along the columns that lined the street paper lanterns were hung, all glowing different colors. Music flowed from places unknown, setting a tempo for the crowds that joined the boys in pursuit of a night of revelry.

Zuko’s face flashed in orange, purple, and red from the lanterns. _His smile is brighter by moonlight and colored light._ “I would assume because we were trying to stop my father from conquering the world.”

Sokka’s mouth dropped when he saw a woman dressed in colored silks and adorned with gold bending different colors of fire. He reached out for Zuko’s hand and pulled him along to watch the woman’s performance. _His hand is so warm._

They sat in the back row and watched as the woman waved her arms back and forth, conjuring glowing images. Sokka gasped when a purple dragon flew from her hands toward the sky. “Did you see that?” Sokka shouted to Zuko.

Zuko rolled his eyes. “She isn’t a bender. That’s just some sort of light illusion.”

“You’re just jealous she’s better than you.” To his surprise, Zuko just smiled at the teasing.

They moved on finally to the place Sokka was most excited to see. The buzz of games and operators shouting repetitive enticements filled the space within the arcade. “Have you seriously never been here? You told me before you used to come to Ember Island every summer.”

“I guess it’s never been my sort of thing,” Zuko said. Sokka saw a dart-throwing game and led them over to it. “I came once, but that’s all.” _Why does he sound...regretful?_

After winning the balloon-dart game three times, Sokka’s attention soon turned to a claw game. “Zuko, why don’t you try this one?”

“No, thank you. But win one for me,” Zuko replied, winking. _The more he does that, the better he gets at it._

Sokka became bored when he continued to win all the games so easily. “I thought this would be fun, but it’s too easy.” 

A group of children ran past them, all screaming in glee to try a new game next. Zuko raised an eyebrow. “I wonder why.”

Sokka stuck his tongue out. He saw a dance floor across the street from the arcade. _I wonder…_ “Let’s go, I want to try something else.” They walked out of the arcade and across the street. Zuko stopped on the sidewalk when he realized where Sokka wanted to go. 

“No, absolutely not,” Zuko said, crossing his arms.

“Please, Zuko! We can dance and just forget about everything.”

Zuko shook his head. _He is so adorable when he’s obstinate._

“There are tables around the edge! You can just sit and watch while I dance. Maybe you’ll see a cute girl you can talk too,” Sokka said, grinning.

That flash of a wince crossed Zuko’s face again, the same as the one when Sokka told him he would find someone else at the Royal Palace. _Woah. Does Zuko...like someone? Another mystery to solve._

Sokka practically dragged Zuko to a table, sitting him down while he began dancing to the music. The colored lanterns painted Sokka in ethereal shades, slipping and sliding over his skin as he moved to the beat. He was surrounded by other partiers, feet sliding across the floor, arms waving to and fro in the air. “See, I’m not half bad.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “You look like a fish out of water.”

He smiled over his shoulder. “Jealousy is such a bad shade on you, Zuko. I’d rather see you smile.”

“And I’d rather see our hotel room again. I’m tired.”

Sokka reluctantly stopped dancing and sat down by his friend at the table. “What’s going on, Zuko? You’re giving whole new meaning to ‘Fire Dork’ right now.”

Zuko massaged his forehead with his hand. “I’m just tired.”

“No, you’re not,” Sokka said. Zuko looked at him and furrowed his brow in confusion. “I’ve known you long enough to know that when you’re tired, your eyes get red and you can’t stop yawning. You haven’t even yawned once yet.”

Their gaze remained locked, Sokka feeling as if Zuko was piercing through his blue eyes and to his soul. _Look at how the colors of the lanterns make his eyes shift shades so subtly._ In a flash, Zuko broke the gaze. “Enough!” he shouted, shooting up from the table and storming off back the way they had come.

 _I’ve been such a fool. He warned me he was upset and I saw how much pain he was in, yet I was selfish only in return._ Sokka chased after Zuko and grabbed him by the arm on the sidewalk. “Please, Zuko, I’m sorry.”

He looked so vulnerable, his eyes full of tears and visage betraying intense inner turmoil. “No, I’m sorry for not being the traveling companion you deserve.” Sokka did not become upset, decide to do only what he wanted, or leave Zuko alone with his pain. He simply laughed. “What is so funny?”

Sokka brought himself back, chuckling and shaking his head. “Nothing, it’s just hilarious to me that you’re apologizing. I’m supposed to be the one traveling where you want to go, not the other way around.”

Zuko’s lips formed his signature small, soft smile. “We’re both equals in this. I’m just having a tough time right now, is all.”

Sokka led him over to a bench on the sidewalk. “That’s why you need to talk to me.”

Zuko looked down, off to some meaningless point in the road in front of them. “I appreciate it, I do. But it might sound silly to you.”

Sokka placed his left hand on Zuko’s cheek and gently guided his attention back, eyes locking again in blazes of azure and gold. _I...didn’t even feel myself do that. It was just natural._ “You might just be surprised at how much I do understand.”

The sharpness in Zuko’s gaze melted. “When I was young, my family came here every summer. It was an escape from the stresses of the capital for my mother and father, but for Azula and I it was just a vacation, an excuse to have fun. Lo and Li were who we spent the most time with. They often took us special places, working in ways to teach us different things along the way. For some reason, they always took particular interest in Azula.”

“Because of her power?” Sokka wondered.

Zuko nodded. “Later on, we started bringing Mai and Ty Lee with us, too. By that time, Lo and Li had become Azula’s mentors, the only non-bending fire bending teachers ever. I never resented the special attention they gave her. It helped that everything was always such a thrill here.”

 _Where is this going?_ “What’s making you feel conflicted now?”

Zuko shrugged. “I guess now I see what a lie it all was. My father wanted us here to be fully immersed in his vision of the Fire Nation. Only the wealthy come here, Sokka. It’s a place for elites to lounge in comfort while thousands of others barely survive. How can I justify enjoying any of this while the maids in the hotel live in tiny shacks?”

 _He’s right. I got caught up in it too. The allure of the shiny paradise._ “It’s easy, Zuko. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“There’s one memory that continues to replay in my head. One time, when we went to the beach, I met another boy my age who I played with. I wanted him to come back to the beach house with us, but Lo and Li refused. ‘He does not belong there,’ they said.”

Sokka looked confused. “Why would they say that?”

“Now that I look back, he must have been a child of one of the villagers. It was unthinkable to them for me to even speak to him. How could I ever have loved people like that? People who see everything as a game of power.”

Sokka thought for a moment. _I’m not a prince. I would never have come to Ember Island for vacation._ “It’s only natural to trust those things that seem like the indestructible truth. When we went to the Northern Water Tribe, Master Pakku refused to further Katara’s waterbending because it was not ‘tradition’ for girls. She challenged him and showed just how stupid that tradition was. You’re doing the same thing now!”

Zuko laughed softly. “I pity anyone stupid enough to tell Katara what she can and can’t do.”

 _It seems like I’m helping him._ “Yeah, it never ends well for them when they do. You are undoing those bad cycles and mindsets every day, Zuko. Don’t give yourself too much grief for who you once were or once believed.”

Zuko nodded and placed his hand on Sokka’s arm. _The more vulnerable and sensitive he grows, the more I find myself saying things I had no idea I knew. It’s like he draws it out of me, summoning the better parts of myself. I hope I’m doing the same in return for him._ “Thank you, seriously. Who would have known it would help to talk about it?” he said.

They laughed together. “Hey, let’s go back to the hotel now and get some rest. Tomorrow we’ll go to the beach together and hopefully avoid any more...breakdowns.”

The rose and walked back toward the hotel. Sokka saw the arcade again. _The arcade was raw for him. A bad place. It must have been some game here. Street Bender, how could I have been so oblivious?_ “One detour before we go.”

“Sokka!” Zuko groaned, but he was already pulling him along back into the arcade. Sokka found where the Street Bender stall was set up. “Absolutely not, I am not playing this game.”

 _Further proof of your status as a genius, Sokka._ “Yes, you are. I want a chance to prove that I’m a better bender than you. You know, if I could bend.”

Zuko’s eyes practically rolled back in his head but he grudgingly stepped up to his side of the game. “Hello, boys, and welcome to Street Bender!” the middle-aged game operator greeted them. “This is a game of skill. Choose your fighter.”

 _This is too good._ “I choose Fire Lord Zuko, please!” Sokka exclaimed, claiming the tiny Zuko as his. The real Zuko, of course, scoffed at Sokka’s choice. 

“I’ll take the boomerang boy,” Zuko said, grabbing the tiny Sokka-looking figure.

“They have a figure for m- I mean for Sokka?” Sokka asked, in awe.

“Yes, I guess he’s become famous enough to earn it. And he’s quite adorable too, unlike his real-life version,” Zuko replied.

The operator set up the pieces. Metal bars were used to control where the figures moved around the ring. “Round one, start!”

Both boys frantically moved the rods, trying to line up the pieces for a perfect hit. _I need to win this one._ Sokka faked out by moving to the left, but quickly jerked back to catch Zuko. Pressing the button sent a bolt out and the head flew off the Sokka figure. “Yes!” Sokka shouted in glee.

“Good job, Sokka,” Zuko said dryly. _He has that same slight smile on his face whenever he is entertained by me._

Round two began and Sokka pretended to make strategic moves but allowed himself to slip and real Zuko popped tiny Zuko’s head clean off. “Lucky strike, my friend,” Sokka groaned, smiling.

Round three would decide the game. _The things I do for my friends._ Tiny Zuko moved with grace, dancing around tiny Sokka for a long time without being hit. Sokka’s hand slipped and Zuko took his chance.

“Congratulations, young man!” the operator shouted to Zuko. “You have won Street Bender.” 

Zuko tried to hide it, but Sokka could see him grinning. _It makes me so happy to see him happy._ “You’ve had more practice than me, but good job,” Sokka said.

“Sure, tell yourself that,” Zuko replied, smirking. He claimed the tiny Sokka and Zuko figures as his prizes, clutching them carefully in his hands. They walked side by side out of the arcade and back toward the hotel.

“I’m going to practice and in, oh, five years, I think I’ll be good enough to beat you,” Sokka said. They laughed together, making Sokka’s tummy flutter in joy that he had raised Zuko’s spirits so much. _Maybe Iroh wasn’t so crazy to think we just needed a little push to become best friends. Maybe we do understand each other. All this time, was he the balance I needed?_

_Am I the balance he needs?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some serious pining and adorable moments in it. With every step, both boys are coming to fully realize not only the way they attract one another but just how...perfectly...they fit together.
> 
> You may also have noticed that the question mark beside 'chapters' is gone! Duality of Fire will officially run for 30 chapters. I am attempting to balance a Zukka adventure romance, Azula story, and political thriller all in one and I need plenty of time to do it all justice. i promise you that every single piece has ramifications for the rest and this is not only about seeing the world and people as unchanging (which is how the comics write post-book three, which is why I hate them) but as worth fighting to make better. There is a duality to all things and it is about keeping hope in the better parts of each side.
> 
> Thank you all so much again as always for reading, you humble and honor me doing so. My writing is very dear to me, and even if I am confident in its strength I adore that it means something to others too. Please come say hello on twitter, I'm (@nassemstormborn).


	8. Into the Past (MAI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mai and Aang secure Azula's freedom, bring her to Aang and Katara's villa, and discuss building the future. (Mai POV, all italics are Mai's thoughts)

The mochi plan worked. The half-baked, desperate plan to appeal to Azula’s humanity actually worked.  _ Was she always this easy to undo?  _ Mai remembered Katara’s disdainful laughter when she said she would take Azula her favorite treat to help bring her back. 

“She would still like to see us all dead,” Katara said. “She’ll take that sweet and choke you with it.”

“None of you know Azula,” Mai scoffed. “None of you do. So either let me handle this or I will break her out of there and let her kill you all.”

In the end, as usual, Mai had her way.  _ Katara is not dumb, but she trusts no one. That’s probably saved her before, but it will never get us where we need to be. _ Now she had one last person to convince, the hardest of all.

She brought in the one lynchpin of this entire endeavor, but advised him to remain quiet until such time as an opening came. “Don’t show your hand to Iroh. He and Azula are the two people in this country who are able to think three or four steps ahead of you. They’ve taught me quite a bit. But, unlike them, I don’t care about pride.”

They were in the study, the one place Mai agreed to meet Iroh.  _ If I engage with him in his safest place, he will think he has the upper hand. Overconfidence is a powerful weapon.  _

Iroh looked tired, the weight of duty pressing heavily on him. “I cannot agree to that.”

Mai remained stoic, unchanging. “Yes, you can. She is of no threat to anyone anymore.”

Iroh laughed. “Azula not a threat? I already have reports of soldiers unsatisfied with peace and willing to pledge themselves to another leader. The Fire Sages only reluctantly support my position. Why would I give them exactly what they want?”

“Because you know that you cannot do this without her. She can be exactly what you say, the leader that unites the discontented behind her, or she can work with you to create an actual consensus.”

Iroh laughed, almost in a mocking way. “Azula will never change. Her destiny was written long ago. She is like a candle lit before nightfall, dooming all to darkness before they are ready for dawn.”

“Like Zuko? You could have said the same thing about him before he decided to change.”

Iroh’s visage did not shift, but his eyes hardened. “Zuko has always been different. Azula was born the way she is.”

_ He is so insufferable.  _ “No one is born the way they are. There is no such thing as destiny.”

Iroh laughed. “As intelligent as you are, Mai, you fail to see the world as it truly is.”

“Perhaps we all fail to see reality,” Mai’s secret weapon interjected after remaining silent.  _ Right on schedule.  _ “But reality failed us before.” 

“Avatar Aang, you must recognize the seriousness of this situation,” Iroh pled, knowing now that Aang was not only there to observe. “You would unleash more of Azula’s wrath upon the world?”

Aang looked determined.  _ I did not know he had it in him to be so focused.  _ “Azula was never wrathful. She never chose the things she did. You of all people should understand that.”

“I beg your pardon?” Iroh said, anger growing in his voice.  _ Good. Play your hand, Fire Lord, and let’s see just how strong your cards are. _

“Fire Lord Iroh, you know how much respect I have for you. You saved my best friend’s life and helped us save the world. You must admit, though, that you once also were a part of the system that eventually threatened the world. Sometimes, whether or not it is conscious, you unfortunately still think in those old ways, too.”

“Please tell me how I do that.” _ You’ve got him, Aang.  _ Mai allowed herself a slight smile that began and ended in a flash.

Aang looked beyond his young years, like a man filling the role of Avatar now. “You were Ozai’s brother. You both shared a father in Azulon. It’s interesting you do not see the parallels.”

“Parallels?” Iroh, for the first time, looked characteristically thoughtful.

_ Be careful not to directly mention Lu Ten.  _ “Well, yeah. You were the heir and Ozai was the younger brother. Just like Zuko and Azula. You did not ask to be born in the family that you were, but you benefited from privileges too. If Ba Sing Se had not happened, you may never have realized the wrongs you and the Fire Nation committed.”

_ Iroh’s sad, but not angry. You handled that very well, Aang.  _ “What does that have to do with Azula?”

“You changed. Zuko changed. Azula can change, too.”

Iroh shook his head. “There is no way she ever will.”

“You and Zuko changed for the same reason. You loved your son and never wanted another to know the sort of grief you endure. Zuko changed because he learned that he was loved so deeply and truly. Azula has never been loved by anyone in her life, except perhaps by Mai and Ty Lee.”

Iroh stared at Aang for a moment, deep in thought. His gaze passed briefly to Mai, then back to Aang. “I am sympathetic to your argument, but there is too much at risk.”

Aang sat up at the edge of his chair. “I am prepared to take all the responsibility for Azula.”  _ Good, you sound confident and commanding.  _ “She will be in the care of myself, Katara, Mai, and Ty Lee. Her freedom will remain a secret.”

Iroh raised an eyebrow. “I have the deepest reverence for your position as Avatar, but how do you expect to keep a force of pure power like Azula restrained?”

Aang writhed his hands together, obviously uncomfortable with the promise he had to make. “If Azula puts anyone in danger, I promise...I promise to take her bending ability away forever.”

Iroh’s eyes widened as he comprehended what Aang said. He stood up, turning away from them to think.  _ Does anyone else value time at all?  _ Iroh turned back, sighing. “Who am I to refuse the Avatar? Avatar Aang, Mai, I release Azula into your care. You must conceal her freedom from any outside your inner circle. If she threatens the security of the nation or the stability of our government, her bending must be taken. Are we in agreement?”

Mai reclaimed her power position. “Yes, we are. Thank you, Fire Lord Iroh.”

“Just remember, there are eyes everywhere. Some who wish Azula harm, some who wish me harm, and some who wish us all harm. Tread carefully. And keep me updated,”

* * *

Under cover of night Mai, Aang, and Katara traveled to the institution in the Fire Nation Capital where Azula was kept. Donning all black robes, they looked like phantoms in the dark. Night was a peculiar time in the capital, for parts like the docks and markets remained vibrant and alive and others were dead quiet. Thankfully for the trio, the only other living things out in the streets near the institution were the city’s resident rats.

“You both understand how insane this is, right?” Katara asked. 

“Quiet your voice,” Mai said in a whisper as they walked. 

Katara looked at Aang for support but he only shrugged his shoulders. “Fine,” she said in hushed tones. “I still do not understand why we would do this. We finally establish peace and now we welcome back the one thing that could end it.”

They turned the corner and saw the institution in the near distance. “The current peace is untenable.”  _ Soldiers near mutiny. A Fire Lord stuck in the past. Fire Sages begging for any reason to re-establish imperial rule.  _ “She is the one of the two people we need to secure lasting stability.”

“And the other is off who knows where with my brother.”

Mai grew irritated.  _ Strong, compassionate, yet distrustful. Katara is dangerous.  _ “Zuko and Sokka are exactly where they need to be.”

Katara scoffed. “The two of them together, actually getting along, still makes no sense to me.”

_ Why does she resent her brother so much? Or does she mask her sadness at being apart from him this way?  _ “You will see, in time, exactly what they do for each other.”

Before Katara could respond to that, Mai led them up to the door of the institution. Guards allowed them in. Mai greeted the now-familiar secretary, who once again summoned her superior, who led the trio up through the building to Azula’s cell.

“This is such a sad place,” Aang said, his voice mournful. “So many people locked away from the world.”

“I wonder how many are in here for a reason other than ‘official,’” Katara observed.  _ There’s your compassion. Keep it. _

The guard opened the door to Azula’s cell and allowed the three in. Azula shot up from her bed, pushing her bangs out of her face. Mai smiled at her. “Hello again, Azula.”

Once she registered who her midnight guests were, Azula rolled her eyes. “Come to collect payment for the mochi?”

_ Shut up.  _ “I made a promise to you, Azula, and I intend to keep it. We intend to keep it,” Mai said. Katara and Aang stepped forward on either side of her.

“You weren’t lying. What a surprise. Welcome to my humble abode, Avatar. And kingmaker.”

_ Katara defeated you because you were too bitter and broken, Azula.  _ “Your time here at this place is done. We have secured your freedom and will be bringing you to our home,” Aang said, attempting to sound solemn.

Azula stared deeply into each of their eyes, trying to suss out deception. “That doesn’t exactly sound like freedom to me, but what other choice do I have?”

Katara reached into her robes. “You will need to wear these.”

“Shackles?” Azula said, laughing disdainfully. “You don’t trust me? I thought we were trying a new beginning here.”

Before Katara could offer retort, Aang interjected. “This is for your safety as much as ours.”

Azula turned around and put her wrists together. “Oh, I know. I wouldn’t trust me either. Go on.” Katara stepped forward and locked the handcuffs on her.

Mai wrapped a black shroud identical to the ones they wore around Azula’s shoulders. All the while, the former princess stared deeply into Mai’s eyes.  _ You won’t see anything there. I’m not letting you into my weaknesses again.  _ They left the cell together, Mai leading the way, Aang and Azula side by side, and Katara bringing up the rear. They would remain in this formation clear to Aang and Katara’s villa.

Mai watched carefully for spies along the way. She knew even powers within the country would love an opportunity to use Azula as a figurehead to destroy Iroh’s position.  _ Whatever it takes, Azula will make it to the villa.  _ Mai thankfully saw no one. Azula, for her part, remained absolutely silent from the moment they left the institution to the time they passed through the front door of the home.

“Welcome to our home, Azula. We’ll take care of you here,” Aang said, allowing himself a momentary flash of his usual warmth and kindness. Azula killed it with an icy glare.

“Come, I will show you to your room,” Katara said. Azula and Mai followed, passing down the hallway. There were paintings lining the way, some depicting what Mai assumed to be the Southern Water Tribe, others of the Air Temples around the world.

Katara opened the door to a bedroom and beckoned Azula and Mai enter. The room was far nicer than the cell Azula had rotted away in for four months. There was a comfortable looking bed in the center, warm blankets tucked carefully on the mattress. A scrollshelf ran along the left wall and a chest of drawers on the right. A painting of fire dragons hung over the headboard of the bed.  _ I remember Sokka painting one similar for Zuko. He kept it in the study at the palace. _

“The first order of business is ensuring you get a proper bath. Then, we will have dinner together. We waited to make sure you could eat with us, Azula. Then you’ll be able to rest for as long as you need.”

Azula maintained her unchanging visage.  _ To one who does not know her, like Katara, it would be easy to read that gaze as disinterest. But Azula is always interested. She is trying to comprehend the situation and failing to find an answer. _

“Come, I will show you to the washroom,” Katara said, her face pleasant but not happy. And so Azula enjoyed her first hot bath in many months. When she emerged, wrapped in a blue silk robe that Katara likely had used herself countless times before, the bags under her eyes were a little less heavy and her hair less haphazard.  _ A little care goes a long way. _

They dined together on honeyed sweet potatoes, leafy salad, fresh baked bread, and servings of wine. Aang and Katara refused to keep servants in their household, something that surprised Mai. “No one is lesser than us,” was Aang’s answer when Mai had asked why before. 

This late night dinner, though, remained totally silent. All ate with averted eyes, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Even from the silence, though, Mai could learn so much.  _ Katara is wondering why Azula is playing along at all, wondering if she was just biding her time until they slept to burn the house to the ground. Aang is rehearsing the conversation he plans to have after dinner with Azula. Azula...well, she is likely trying to piece together any knowledge she can from what we’ve said and she’s seen today. _

When they were done, Katara worked on clearing the plates. “Azula, Mai, could we speak in the main room, please?” asked Aang. 

“Of course,” Mai replied for them both. They followed Aang to the main room and sat down on the couch across the table from his chair.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions about what all of this is about,” Aang began, looking more his age than he did with Iroh. “First of all, we mean you no harm.”

Azula laughed, disdain pouring from her. “I certainly imagine not, or else you would have taken my bending away already.” Aang looked wide-eyed.  _ You need to learn to play her game, Aang.  _ “So I am right, then. You promised Iroh you would destroy my bending ability if I misbehaved. Clever plan.”

Aang looked too shocked to speak, so Mai did instead. “You’re here because we need to put the old war to rest. It’s time to build our future.”

“The future you want. The future where Zuko and Iroh hold the power. You know, Mai, I’m actually quite impressed. You’ve stopped hoping others would give you what you want and you’ve started to take it.”

_ She’s intentionally pushing me away so she can pretend as if none of this matters emotionally. I must remain strong.  _ “You know that’s false. I already told you Zuko has abdicated from the throne. And I’ve never liked the old man, only tolerated him.”

Azula raised an eyebrow. “So, what’s your goal, then?”

“Like I said, the future. To do that, we need to go back into the past.”

Azula turned her attention back to Aang. “How did you come to meet Mai? Let me guess, at some great heroes parade where you both were celebrated for defeating me. Mai has always been good at choosing the side she thinks will win.”

“What are you...Listen, Mai came to me a month ago with a plan to release you from that place,” Aang began. “She made the case that the Fire Nation would never make the fundamental changes it needs to without you. I happen to agree with her.”

Azula did not respond, only thinking about each piece of what she was learning. “I don’t care whether you ever understand or forgive me for what happened at Boiling Rock. I’ve made my peace with it. I do care, though, that you are given a chance to play a part in the making of the future,” Mai said.

Azula stared directly in her eyes. “You continue to speak of the ‘future.’ What is this great, monumental thing?”

“The end of the entire system that nearly destroyed the world. An end to the system that turned a child into a weapon of war.” Azula’s left eye twitched when Mai said that. “To make our future, we must learn from history.”

“And how do you plan to do that?”

Aang sat up in his chair. “We are going to find your mother.”

Silence reigned for a moment, then Azula cackled. “I wished one of you had just cut my throat and ended all of this. I’ve never heard an idea as brain dead as that.”

“I know where she is, Azula,” Mai interjected. Azula’s eyes flashed in thought.  _ I, once again, have her attention.  _

“Why...why would I care about that woman? She and Zuko both betrayed all that ever mattered.”  _ Right there is the fundamental problem. We have two separate views of the truth and what is right. The only way we can make this work is to shatter her truth. _

“I know something that will change how you appreciate her. But you need to see her first. She is in Hira’a, the town she grew up in. We are going to go there together. You, me, Aang, Katara, and Ty Lee.”

Azula rolled her eyes. “Oh, are we? I did not realize I was now your prisoner.”

Aang, with confidence and strength in his voice, reclaimed the power in the room. “You are no one’s prisoner. I am the only line of defense between you and Fire Lord Iroh, though, so you will have to choose between him and I. Either travel with us to Hira’a or I will turn you back over to that institution.”

Azula glared not at Aang, but at Mai.  _ She knows I planned this and she hates me for it. Her hatred comes because, consciously or unconsciously, she knows we are right.  _ The former princess finally sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “The choice has been made for me, it seems.”

And so they would go, pursuing the undead spirits that haunted them from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very 'talky' chapter, unfortunately, and it was very difficult to write as a transitional point in the fic. It's still extremely important, though, because the groundwork must be laid for the intense moments to come. So, thank you for reading, as always, and prepare for more excitement to come.
> 
> I decided, rather than add another chapter on Ember Island, to do two chapters on Kyoshi Island. Those will likely be published together and are perhaps the most poetic chapters I've written in the fic yet. So, in a few days, everything will change and (hopefully) your minds will be blown.
> 
> All of you reading this are so dear to me and make this so worthwhile. I love you all.


	9. The Space Between Secret and Truth (ZUKO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zuko and Sokka teach each other new things, arrive on Kyoshi Island, and hang with Suki. (ZUKO POV, all italics are Zuko's thoughts)

“That is still not right!”

Sokka fell gracefully to a knee, looking up at Zuko. “It’s not right because you aren’t teaching me correctly.”

“Perhaps if you focused on your chi more, you would be able to do what I instruct.”

Sokka stood up, staring directly at Zuko.  _ He’s so cute when he’s frustrated.  _ “It’s pretty hard to focus when all you do is yell at me!” He turned to the right and crossed his arms, looking out at the sea.

Zuko sighed and placed his hand delicately on Sokka’s shoulder.  _ I swear the magic when we touch will never fade.  _ “I’m sorry, Sokka. I know you take these things seriously, so I’m trying to teach you the best way I know how. What can I do to make it better?”

Sokka turned his head and raised an eyebrow. “Are you mocking me?”

“No!” Zuko said, with more emphasis than he meant. “I just...All my life I’ve learned things the hard way. Even Uncle’s wisdom usually came after I made a boneheaded decision. So it’s hard for me to know how to instruct.”

Sokka nodded. “I understand. If you promise to stop yelling at me, I promise I will focus better.” The ship hit a large wave, sending a light mist of salt water over them.

Zuko took a step back. “Alright, then, let us try again.” Sokka stepped up in front of him. Zuko saw how the early morning hues of tangerine and rose made Sokka’s skin glow, rendering him nearly a divine being on the deck of the ship.  _ I love him with every ounce of my heart.  _

He placed his hand on Sokka’s chest, directly over the heart, and looked deep into his cerulean eyes.  _ There is love there in those eyes, but is it for me or just a reflection of my own?  _ “Focus right here. Imagine your heart as a center and allow your body to move as one cohesive pulse of energy. All breath must remain still right here.”

Sokka nodded. “I can do it.”

Zuko smiled and winked. “Yes, you can. Now, assume posture!”

* * *

Zuko always insisted on training in his tai chi-inspired fighting technique either early at dawn or twilight only. He had told Sokka that the space between light and dark represented some sort of cosmic energy shift, but, in truth, he just loved to look upon Sokka by the brilliant shades of the rising sun and the violet tones that glittered after sunset.

The daylight hours were spent painting and writing poetry. Zuko had learned he quite liked listening to Sokka, doing exactly what he asked.  _ My whole personality is never doing what anyone wants. One word from this boy and I’m right there at his command.  _

“To make the shadow, you can’t just use pure black paint,” Sokka said. They were on the deck of the ship, sitting on two stools, facing two easels they had bought during their short visit to Omashu. “See, to make the shadow of the tree on the grass, you need to mix the black with the green.” Sokka dipped his brush in green first, then black, then mixed them on the palette. Something about the way Sokka moved his fingers transfixed Zuko. “You do it too.”

He mimicked Sokka to make a similar dark green. “Good job, Zu,” Sokka said, smiling. Sometime between Ember Island and Omashu, Sokka had taken to calling him ‘Zu.’ No more ‘buddy’, not even ‘brother’, just ‘Zu.’  _ It hit me with the same thrill as lightning, except I didn’t redirect it. I let it go straight to my heart and kill any sense I had. _

“Now, do you see where the shadow would be cast?” Sokka asked.

“The sun is from the left, so the shadow will be over where the bushes and this patch of flowers will go,” Zuko said, pointing to the bottom right of the canvas.

“Exactly. Let’s make the shrubs and paint the grass first, then we can make the right colors for the little roses.”

“Whatever you say,” Zuko said, grinning. He watched as Sokka brought his brush down on the canvas, flicking his wrist to make the rough strokes to emulate the coarseness of the shrubbery. And, of course, he stuck his tongue out while he focused.  _ One of his most precious habits. _

Zuko carefully brought his brush up to do the same. “Are you excited to finally reach Kyoshi Island?” he asked.

“Yes! I’m super excited to show you around. I mean, I’ve only seen a tiny bit of the island...but I’m sure Suki will be happy to be our guide.”

_ Suki. One of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met. Has Sokka...made his peace not being with her anymore?  _ “I’m hoping I’m welcome at all,” Zuko said, sadness in his voice.

Sokka looked over from the canvas. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

“I burned most of it down the last time I was there.” Visions of innocents screaming as they fled their burning homes flashed in Zuko’s mind.  _ I don’t even feel like the person who did that.  _ He pushed the memory away before he spiralled. “It’s always going to be a worry in my mind, that’s all.”

“Suki adores you and so will the other Kyoshi Warriors,” Sokka said, with warmth in his voice.

Zuko pulled the brush away after finishing the shrubs and grass, only to realize Sokka had been waiting patiently for him to finish. “What next?”

The bell rang on the foremast, signaling that the ship would arrive in the port in an hour. Zuko felt exasperated.  _ I really want to finish this with him! _

“Don’t worry, we’ll finish them on the island! We’d better go pack up our things, though,” Sokka said, as if he could read Zuko’s thoughts.

Forty minutes passed as they packed their bags. Sokka looked around the cabin, taking it in one last time. “It’s too bad we have to leave this ship. I liked it a lot better than the first one.”

Zuko looked confused. “It’s just a ship, Sokka, they’re all the same.”

Sokka held his finger up. “Not true, Zu! There’s a...poetry in each ship, I’ve noticed. Each one is very similar, but they all have things about them that make them special.”

Zuko crossed his arms. “Did you smuggle some cactus juice on board while we were in Omashu?”  _ I think of a different poetry, but it’s not about the ship. _

Sokka shook his head playfully. “Oh, well. Some of us are born innovative, others just have to follow along behind.”

“If you don’t get moving so I can follow you off this ship I’m leaving you here, starry-eyed boy,” Zuko said, before his face dropped.

Sokka cracked up laughing. “‘Starry-eyed boy?’ I will take that as a compliment, thank you.” They left the cabin.  _ Why must I always make a fool of myself?  _ Zuko had taken to thinking of Sokka as his ‘northern star’ one night when they laid out together on the deck of the ship.

“Dad and Bato taught me all the constellations when I was a little boy,” Sokka had said. “Dad had told me that whenever I felt lost, I could always look to the north star to guide me.”

“One constant in a world of chaos,” Zuko had responded, looking over to the boy beside him.

“Somehow I ended up with two blessings in the night sky. That’s why I love sharing the night time with those I care about. Especially you.”

_ He is my northern star, guiding me away from the rocky shores and keeping me on the right path. Does he know I love him? Mistakes like that make it all too obvious, but I’m also his only blindspot. Or am I the one who has been blind this whole time? _

Zuko tried to shake the thoughts out of his head as they descended the platform down to shore.  _ Whatever happens, I’m not ashamed to love him.  _ The docks of Kyoshi Island were modest at most, a few ships docked, likely bringing the few things the islanders could not grow. “From what Suki has told me, this seems like a place where people mostly take care of themselves,” Sokka said.

“Interesting,” Zuko replied. “Quite a bit different than what I’m used to.”

“Me too. It’s pretty difficult to sow a field of wheat in the snow,” Sokka replied, chuckling. They approached the ship kiosk and took care of the disembarkment paperwork. The energy here at these docks was the exact opposite of that in the Fire Nation Capital.  _ Perhaps this is a place where things grow. _

“Sokka?”

“Yes, Zu?”

He gestured toward the long hill in the distance. “Are we going to have to climb the whole way?”

“Sadly,” Sokka replied. Zuko groaned. “Hey, look at the bright side! You’ll get your leg workout done for the day.”

They began walking. “Yeah, but I’m not usually carrying this much on my back and in my hands.”

“Oh, stop complaining.”

They reached the outskirts of the docks and began trudging up the hill. “As if that’s not exactly what you are thinking,” Zuko said. They laughed together.

“Normally I would be, but this is Kyoshi Island. My thoughts are elsewhere.”

The sun beat down heavy, both of their foreheads already covered in sweat. “You never told me what happened there?” The main road they walked along was wide, with offshooting paths going to the individual small villages. Tall trees lined the way, leading Zuko to assume most of the island was forest.  _ I hope Sokka has any idea where we are going. _

Sokka looked down. “Oh, it’s just a downer, I guess. We always have so much fun together, there’s never a good time to talk about it.”

Zuko gestured his hand out. “Well, we are on Kyoshi Island now, and I’d like to know whether we’re going to be greeted or left to camp somewhere else until we can sail out of here.”

Sokka laughed. “Alright, alright. Suki...we ended things right after your coronation. She told me she loved me but in a way different than that for a partner, if that makes sense.”

Zuko wiped perspiration from his forehead. “Yes, it does actually.”

“Huh...you catch on faster than I do, then.”  _ I’ve felt the same thing Suki has.  _ “Anyway, I was confused at first. It was Iroh who suggested some collections of poetry and philosophy to me during one of our meetings that helped me understand.”

“Uncle did?”

Sokka nodded. “Uh huh. In those I started to actually think about what love means. Do you know there are three kinds? At least that’s what I’ve decided.” They came to a large statue of Avatar Kyoshi in the middle of a four-way intersection. This was one of many statues of the great Avatar around the island, resplendent in her green and gold armored kimono, looming over the boys. “We’re going the right way, we just need to continue north.”

Zuko nodded. “Three kinds of love?”  _ Am I supposed to be reading into this or is he just...talking? _

Sokka took a drink of water from his canteen, then passed it to Zuko. “Yes! The first is what we feel for our family. My dad, my mom, Katara, my core family who I am bound to forever. The second is platonic love, that deep love we feel for our best friends. That’s what I know I will always feel for Suki, and she for me, a duty and devotion to her. The third is of course romantic love, which…”

“Oh, Sokka, always gushing wherever you go,” Suki called out, fully dressed in her Kyoshi Warrior armor. Zuko had been so enraptured by Sokka’s analysis of love he had not noticed they had come into the village.

“Suki!” shouted Sokka in his sweetest voice, dropping his bags to run and embrace her. They were directly in front of another statue of Avatar Kyoshi.  _ I burned part of that last time I was here.  _ The village was modest at best, with homes of brown with green roofs built up the hill, culminating in one main building in the center, marking the end of the road. The mountains beyond reflected the sun’s rays off the silvery rock and white snow caps. 

Zuko smiled at how happy both of his friends were to see each other again.  _ Suki is a wonderful soul not to keep Sokka at arm’s length now. I’ve dreaded this moment in case I felt jealousy over their connection, but I don’t.  _ Suki looked over Sokka’s shoulder and smiled at Zuko, her white makeup failing to mask her distinctively beautiful features and her auburn hair a strong contrast to Sokka’s dark brown and his own black hair.

“Hello, Suki. It’s very nice to see you again.” Zuko said, waving to her. 

Sokka stepped away and Suki smiled brightly at Zuko. “Oh, come on, just because you’re the Fire Lord doesn’t mean we can’t hug!” She embraced him and he wrapped his arms around her in return.  _ People think I don’t like hugs, but I love them a lot. I just...don’t always know how to ask. _

“I’m always happy to hug you, Suki.” They separated. “But you should know that I’m not the Fire Lord anymore. At least, not right now.”

Suki’s mouth dropped, then she looked over at Sokka. “You didn’t tell me that in your letter!”

Sokka threw his hands in the air. “I figured you could read one newspaper!”

Suki crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Sokka, we’re halfway across the world and on an island created to be isolated from everywhere else. How would I have known?” Zuko tried to suppress a smile.  _ Where does all her power and confidence come from? _

Thinking quickly, Sokka placed his left hand on Suki’s arm and his right on Zuko’s. Zuko noticed Suki’s gaze pass to where Sokka touched him.  _ She’s going to know I love him. Please, please let her have mercy on me.  _ “I’m very glad my two best friends are reunited, but I’m hungry. Any chance we could continue this over some of those little cakes we ate last time?” Sokka asked, grinning.

Suki laughed. “Never change, Sokka. Follow me.”

They continued on to the main building, where Suki brought them inside and to the main hall. “We prepared a welcome dinner fit for a Fire Lord, but now I know this is more a...friendly visit. Again, Sokka, it would have been nice to know.”

Sokka scoffed in mock outrage. “You don’t see me for months and the first thing you do is bully me?” Zuko laughed softly at their bickering.

Suki gestured to two placemats on the right side of the table for the boys to sit on, while she lowered herself on the left. “Someone has to keep your ego in check, boomerang boy.”  _ Adding that one to the list. _ The table was covered in fresh sushi, little tuna finger sandwiches, apple tarts, cinnamon buns, cherry muffins, and an assortment of chocolates. “I knew you boys liked your sweets, so I requested some special ones for you,” Suki said, smiling warmly at them both.

Zuko’s mouth watered at the sight of the cherry muffins. “How did you know I loved cherry so much?”

Suki winked as she handed both of them chopstick sets. “I remembered.”

Zuko raised an eyebrow. Sokka, wasting no time, reached in for a piece of sushi. “Remembered? But how did you even…” Zuko began.

“From your coronation feast, you dork! I recalled how bright your smile was when you tried the little cherry tarts.”

_ Someone cared enough to pay attention to what I like? _ Zuko looked over at Sokka, bewildered. The other boy simply grinned. “She’s the best, isn’t she?” he said, muffled from the food in his mouth.

“And for you, Sokka, I made sure there were plenty of apple tarts,” she said, smiling sweetly. 

“Thank you,” he said, returning the grin.  _ I know he loves her dearly, but not in that way, not anymore. Does that make me happy? I don’t know yet. _

Zuko picked up a piece of chocolate. “So, is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” Suki asked.

Zuko nodded. “I’m really sorry you didn’t know before we got here. I’ve been having...problems dealing with some of my emotions. Bad enough to prevent me from being the leader my people and the world need.” 

Suki’s eyes softened in care. “I’m so sorry, Zuko.”

“Thank you. My uncle and I decided that I needed to step away from the throne for a time and do some healing. He somehow got the idea that traveling around the world with Sokka would be the solution,” he said, laughing softly. 

“Hey! We’ve done pretty well so far, I’d say,” interjected Sokka.

Suki chuckled. “So, has it?”

Before Zuko could respond, Sokka gushed. “Yes! Zu and I have had the greatest of times. We enjoyed the warm beaches and nightlife on Ember Island, explored some new places in Omashu, and now we’re here! He’s been the absolute best and I’ve learned so much about him.” Sokka placed his hand on Zuko’s arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Zuko very quickly had to bring a cloth napkin up to his face to hide the way his cheeks blushed hard.  _ Why can’t I understand if he loves me or not? Why not? This will drive me mad. _

“Sokka, you’re going to make me tear up, let alone poor ‘Zu’ here,” she said, winking. “What about you, Zuko? Has it been worth it?”

_ How do I say this right? Wait, how do I speak again? What are words?  _ Zuko dropped the napkin and cleared his throat. “It’s been...interesting. Sokka is a very, very special person.”

Sokka laughed. “I believe you said I was a ‘starry-eyed boy’ at one point,” he said, teasing Zuko.

Suki’s eyes widened and Zuko knew, in that moment, that she understood exactly what was going on.  _ Please, Suki, let me figure out how to handle telling him. He’s too clueless for his own good and I’m too awkward for mine.  _ He tried to transfer his thoughts into Suki’s head, to no avail. “You both are very sweet, not only to me but it seems to each other now too! I’m so glad to have you here with us for a little while.”

“I’m so thankful for all of this, and for you. How have things been for you and the Warriors since I last saw you?”

Suki nibbled on some chocolate, while Zuko finally lost his patience and took a good-looking cherry muffin. “Things have been good! It’s mostly been the same as ever, but, privately, I’m reevaluating our purpose here.”

_ Has anything ever tasted better than this muffin?  _ “Sokka, you’ve got to try some of this.” Zuko tore a piece off the muffin. Sokka opened his mouth and Zuko popped it in carefully. 

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely a highlight,” Sokka said, blissfully enjoying the taste. 

Suki cleared her throat, obviously both annoyed and amused at the two. “As I was saying, since the end of the war I’ve done quite a bit of soul searching and thinking about myself and what I think the Kyoshi Warriors stand for.”

“That’s great, Suki,” Sokka said. “What have you decided?”

“I think it’s time to reinvent the Kyoshi Warriors. But i’m going to wait to explain until I’ve taken you to each of the special spots on the island.”

“I’m excited to hear all about it and see those places,” Zuko said. “I hope we did not intrude during a bad time.”

“No!” Suki exclaimed. “Not at all. In fact, I need a chance to rest and have fun. Things have been stressful lately. We’ll finish here, I’ll show you to your room, and then we can begin whenever you want.”

“Great, thanks, Sukes,” Sokka said, taking one last cherry muffin.

_ Did she say ‘room?’ Without an -s? I mean, we’ve spent weeks now in the same tiny cabin and there’s no reason why we can’t sleep in the same room but… _ ”Zuko, are you okay?” Suki broke through, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Oh...oh yeah, I am.” He forced a smile. “I’m just excited, is all.”

“Good, let’s get to it, then,” Suki said.  _ I’m going to doom myself this time, aren’t I? _

They finished eating together. Sokka groaned. “I might need a few minutes, I think I ate way too much. Carry me, Zu,” he joked, reaching his arms up to the already-standing Zuko.

_ Why must he be so adorable?  _ “Don’t be such a baby, Sokka. Suki needs a proper warrior to spar with,” Zuko replied.  _ His eyes when his pupils are dilated melt me. _

Suki laughed, but Sokka whined. “Fine. Ask a friend for one thing and suddenly you’re helpless!” he said sarcastically. Zuko extended his left hand down, clasped Sokka’s, and pulled him up.

Suki turned to lead them out of the room, but she hesitated and turned back around again. “I’m sorry...Sokka, do you think you and I could speak privately for a minute?”  _ She wants to talk to him without me there? She’s going to tell him she thinks I love him and my whole world is going to collapse. _

Sokka looked confused. “I...I guess. But I don’t want Zu left out of anything.”  _ Sokka I am trying to pretend not to be in love with you at the moment. Could you please stop saying everything I’ve ever wanted to hear? _

Suki waved off his concern. “It’s nothing major, I promise! I just...have a surprise planned for Zuko and don’t want it ruined.”  _ A lie, but one told to spare me. _

“Go ahead, I don’t mind. I’ll just wait outside and take in the view,” Zuko said to Sokka, forcing a smile.

Sokka nodded. “I promise we won’t leave you for too long.” Suki led Sokka away through the door to another room. 

Zuko left the main room and went out on the front deck, taking in the sight of the tall pines that led down the road to the great blue expanse beyond. His heart was pounding in his chest, beating up and up in his throat.  _ Why does she have to be so damn perceptive? Why am I never allowed to have any secrets? My sister always found a way to use them against me. Mai left me because I ‘keep too many secrets.’  _ His arms trembled and tears welled up in his eyes.  _ The truth brings pain. Secrets allow me some control. But now, as always, I will plunge headfirst into the abyss, alone. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! So I know I mentioned last blog that both parts of the Kyoshi Island chapters would be posted together, but I've been busy and haven't had a chance to edit part II yet. I am posting this one now and as soon as part ii is how I want it I will post it. It may be just a few hours from the time I post this one, definitely no longer than one day. Take solace, though, that one of the things keeping me busy are my ideas for a few holiday/winter solstice-themed Zukka fics! Stay tuned for more...
> 
> Also, I'm leaving y'all on a cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, but part II is going to rock your world. Just be patient if you are reading this one before part ii comes. Thank you all again for your continued support, it means everything to me!


	10. Shades of Love (SOKKA)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka, Zuko, and Suki visit a special place on Kyoshi Island, Zuko is inducted into the Kyoshi Warriors, and Sokka has an epiphany. (SOKKA POV, all italics are Sokka's thoughts)
> 
> NOTE: chapter contains spoilers for The Rise of Kyoshi and The Shadow of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee

“You WHAT?” Sokka shouted, his lower jaw dropping near to his feet.

“Quiet down,” Suki quickly said, putting her arm around Sokka and bringing her face closer to his.

“How do you expect me to be quiet right now? You just told me you think I have a crush on Zuko!”

Suki beamed, her smile shining bright and joyful. “Sokka, this is wonderful! You two together are absolutely adorable. I just knew you two worked too well together at Boiling Rock when you…”

Sokka raised his hand. “Enough, enough. How did you even come to such a crazy conclusion?”

Suki looked at him dumbfounded. “Come on. You don’t exactly do a good job of hiding your affection. I should know.” _We’ve only been here an hour or two and she already thinks Zuko and I are...a thing. Or that I want us to be a thing._

_She might be right._

Ember Island had been the beginning of it, at least what he thought was the beginning. He saw Zuko in a totally different light that night. _It sounds impossible, but I swear our souls became intertwined on that island._ It was the electricity that ran through Sokka after he touched Zuko’s cheek that had awoken him.

It only grew from there. The entire time on the ship between Ember Island and Omashu Sokka spent privately ruminating over all he was feeling. Many nights he lay awake, knowing Zuko slept directly above him in the bunk beds, trying to decide what he was feeling. And why.

_With Yue and Suki, I knew what I felt immediately. A spark that ignited and burned fast and bright. I was lucky it didn’t completely burn out with Suki and I could keep her as a friend. But this feels so much different, so much deeper._

When Sokka had begun to teach Zuko how to paint, he could hardly manage to look at him without wanting to impulsively throw himself overboard. _His golden irises glow, all the magic of the sun manifested into warm love._ He was thankful he could hide his feelings fairly well, especially considering he had no idea exactly what they were yet.

So, with Suki, he knew he needed to be honest. Otherwise, he would betray her trust. _I lost Mom. I thought I had lost Dad. Yue haunts my dreams. Almost everyone I have loved I have lost. I cannot lose Suki, too, and if I do love Zuko I don’t want him to slip away either. I will be brave._

Back in the moment with Suki, Sokka writhed his hands together and exhaled. “Do you promise that you will keep what I am about to say between us?”

Suki nodded. “Of course.”

Sokka exhaled deeply out, trying to still his heart. “I don’t know my feelings for him, not yet. It feels different than ever and maybe it’s not...that….but maybe it is, too.”

Her mouth dropped. “Sokka!” she squealed.

“Suki I swear…”

She put a finger to her lips to signal she would be silent. “I promise not to tell. I’m just so happy for you.”

 _My ex-girlfriend is excited for me to love someone who tried to kill us all once. Life is chaotic poetry._ “It’s so confusing. I didn’t even know I could like...boys...like that.” Suki cracked up laughing, hardly able to control herself. “What’s so funny about that?”

She waved her hands and tried to compose herself enough to speak. “You grew up with almost no other boys around, certainly not any your age. How would you even have known?”

 _How did I not even think of that before?_ He chuckled, his eyes raised in thought. “My dad has been in love with my mom and Bato both in his life, but I never even considered the same could be true for me. I feel so stupid but also a little scared.” _What will people think of me? People count me out enough as it is._

Suki put her hand on his arm. “When I joined the Warriors, I realized I liked girls. A lot. Then you came along, with your charming smile and sense of humor, and made me realize I like boys too. It’s fine to love anyone you want to, Sokka! I’m a warrior, but I’m a girl who loves boys and girls, too.”

Suki wrapped her arms around Sokka in a warm, loving hug. “You are perfect just as you are, boomerang boy.” Sokka relaxed into her embrace, feeling such weight taken off his shoulders. _She’s right. There is nothing wrong with feeling the same love. What would I do without Suki? She always manages to help me realize those things about myself that were always there but I was blind to before._

They left the hug. Sokka looked out the window and realized the sun was already going down. “It’s been a lot, so I think I just want to relax this evening. Can we delay beginning our fun until tomorrow?”

“Of course. But we should probably go collect Zuko.”

After that conversation, Sokka just wanted to stay in the room and think things over for the night. He had told Zuko that he could hang with Suki and the Warriors, but he refused. “My place is with you, Sokka. We’ll have plenty of time for all that later.” the Fire Dork had responded, his eyes full of a knowing Sokka could not place.

Before they went to their room, Suki had shown them both to the library. “There are scrolls about almost every topic here. When we join the Warriors, we must gain an education not only in physical warfare but all those things that affect our world. So feel free, boys, to borrow whatever you would like to read!”

Zuko had carefully looked over different scrolls, settling on three shorter works. Sokka found a longer one that he thought looked interesting. ‘Selected Journals of Rangi _’_ the title read. _Rangi was Kyoshi’s great love. Perhaps there is something in her writing that can help me._

* * *

“It’s just a little further! Come on, Zuko, I know you can make it,” Suki shouted over her shoulder, having traded her armor for a lilac-colored tunic and black skirt.

 _We all would be fried if it was as hot as it was yesterday._ “My legs are burning. Can we take a break, please?” Zuko responded, panting. 

“We’re almost there now, Fire Dork.” Suki had taken to Sokka’s nickname for Zuko. “It’s all downhill from here.”

Sokka wiped the sweat from his brow and looked over to the very red-faced Zuko. “She’s not going to let up if she knows you can do it. If it helps, my legs are burning too.”

“It doesn’t help, no. I can barely feel mine anymore.”

Suki scoffed, pushing foliage out of the way of the path. “You boys are supposed to be warriors, yet you can barely handle a little hike?” she shouted sarcastically.

“I prefer to save my energy for when I need to knock a few heads, not long hikes...woah,” Sokka trailed off when they came to an opening in the trees that framed the expanse of white sand beach and sapphire expanse. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Zuko said, with awe in his voice.

Suki turned and beamed. “Isn’t it? It’s the best kept secret on the island.”

They followed her the rest of the way. Sokka loved the feeling of the warm salt breeze on his face, making his skin shiver in the euphoric feeling. He looked over to Zuko, who returned the glance with a smile of his own. _He’s smiling with his eyes, too._

Suki kicked off her sandals and ran out onto the sand, prompting Zuko and Sokka to do the same. “You look like a goddess, Sukes,” Sokka called out.

Suki put her hand on her hip and smirked. “Bow down, then, boys, and pay homage to your queen.” 

_There really isn’t any wonder why I fell for her so fast._ The three laughed together. “Is the water here good for swimming?” Zuko asked.

Suki rolled her eyes. “Why would I bring you here if it wasn’t?”

Zuko nodded, smiling. “Good.” He threw down the knapsack on his back and untied the rope around his robes, leaving him only in his undergarments. “Last one in has to build the bonfire!”

Sokka felt frozen, like he had been turned to stone and made a statue. _His body draws my gaze like a magnet. The way his back is so gracefully contoured, sculpted by some gentle hand. The way his hair flows like waves, begging me to wrap my fingers up in it. The way he moves is not necessarily graceful but it’s so...Zuko...I could pick him out of any crowd anywhere._

“You okay, Sokka?” Suki shouted as she stripped off her robes. 

Sokka shook off his thoughts. “Yeah, sorry,” he said. As he undid his own robes, he saw Zuko’s head bobbing just above the water’s level, smiling widely and waving. _There is a fire in my chest I cannot extinguish._

Sokka ran across the warm white sand and joined his friends in the water, feeling the cool embrace of the sea wrap him in love.

They spent most of the afternoon that way. Sokka and Zuko held competitions to see who could hold their breath under the water the longest. _I would have won every single time, but I let him win a few._ They laid out in the sun, soaking in the rays. Sokka already kept to a daily routine, but Suki taught Zuko how to use coconut oil to prevent sun damage and keep his pale skin from drying out. They competed to see who could swim the fast, Suki winning twice and Zuko winning once. _I didn’t even have to let him win that one. How can I be water tribe and not even win once. I have a new challenge now, I guess._

Finally, as the sun began to set, they gathered wood together to build a bonfire on the beach. As he searched for dry pieces of wood, Sokka thought of a passage he had read in Rangi’s diary. She wrote about the first moment she felt inextricably connected to Kyoshi. After a disastrous meeting with a pirate queen, Rangi had been forced to confront the hard and complex truth about her mother’s rise to being the headmistress of the Royal Fire Academy. _Rangi felt so much pain and confusion, but Kyoshi took her in her arms and consoled her. She made Rangi, the usual protector, feel safe. Is that love?_

Sokka brought the wood back and built the bonfire. “Good work, Sokka,” Zuko complimented once he was done.

“Thanks, Zu. Now it’s your time to shine,” Sokka replied. Zuko knelt down to the kindling and shot a tiny flame from the end of his index and middle fingers. The kindling caught and began to burn, soon growing into a large flame.

“Well done,” Suki said. “I will go get the food.” Suki had packed some food similar to what they had eaten the day before for them to eat as they watched the sunset. She brought the bags back from where they had left them earlier and passed the containers around.

Sokka looked at Zuko’s long black hair he had let down from the usual bun so it could dry and thought about his own. He reached up behind his head and undid the ribbon that tied his wolftail in place, letting his hair fall down to the sides. Zuko, sitting next to him, seemed to be transfixed by what Sokka had done, but Sokka kept his gaze focused on the horizon. _I need to pretend I didn’t partially do that to make him stare._

Sokka took a bite of a fresh peach, the sweetness filling his mouth like a rainbow. “The water here is so pristine and clear. The Warriors and I come down here pretty often to relax,” Suki said. It was obvious Zuko’s focus was elsewhere, darting between the bonfire and Sokka’s mouth, peach juice running down his chin.

 _He’s trying to hide it, but he can’t. I really want to know if he’s just...interested...too or if it’s something more for him already._ Sokka wiped his mouth after he swallowed. “This is definitely the sort of peaceful place you’d need to unwind after a battle.”

“Yes, exactly,” she responded. “So, Zuko, since this is your first time on our island, what do you think of it so far?”

“Oh, it’s very...pretty I think. It’s obvious everyone here treasures the land, which is not always true in other places.” _I want to look at his eyes while he speaks, but his soft lips own my gaze._

“Yes, we do. I grew up here, you know?”

“Oh, really?” Zuko said, after taking a bite of an apple tart.

Suki nodded, the increasingly colorful sky affixing an orange glow across her face. “Yes. My father is a farmer, my mother a teacher. I was the only child, so I had to help them both quite a bit. My father taught me to be strong, but my mother showed me how to connect with people and gave me a deep love for learning. Both together were what inspired me to join the Kyoshi Warriors, inspired by their devotion to this place and to protecting the innocent.”

Zuko looked like he was deep in thought. “You obviously have more than lived up to Kyoshi’s example. You inspire me, that’s certainly true.”

“Aww, Zuko, thank you. People often think I’m always tough, but there are many times I feel very...alone. Very weak.” She turned her gaze directly to Sokka. “No one can be strong all the time.”

 _Does...does she mean that for me specifically? It’s Suki, of course she does._ Sokka thought of that passage in Rangi’s journal again. _‘It’s easy for me to protect others, but, sometimes, when the storm comes and I feel like I am not strong enough to handle it, being embraced by one I love becomes all I wish for.’_ Rangi had written that the day after Kyoshi had first embraced her. _I have the strength to protect him, but sometimes I yearn to be held, too. Is that love?_

“My sister needs that lesson, but I am afraid to even try with her. I regret leaving her alone the way I did, but I am scared of her. She...her power...terrifies me. But perhaps, when we return, I can help her see that her true strength comes from being gentle and kind. As I have tried to learn.”

Suki smiled and nodded. “You are one of the kindest people I’ve met, Zuko. You have a good heart. I believe you are strong enough to help her if you find the confidence to try.”

Zuko nodded, wiping a tear from his eye. “Thank you. I promise I will.”

Sokka looked past Zuko’s glowing face and saw what the sky looked like now. Broad strokes of rich tangerine built into scarlet splotches and culminated in a violet glow that covered most of the sky. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but look at the sunset now.”

Zuko turned his head and gasped. “This will be perfect for us to paint, Sokka.”

Sokka moved to sit directly on Zuko’s right, both of them facing the sunset over the waves now. “Absolutely. Let’s have a few minutes of quiet so we can memorize this moment.”

“Agreed,” Suki said. _I think she knows it’s more than just about remembering._

The amalgamation of bright colors in the sky reflected upon the water, leaving an ethereal orange and purple haze just over the top of the waves. The wind rippled through Sokka’s hair, a feeling he wasn’t used to but liked a lot. _My hair is down, my mouth is closed, and my heart is open. I am trying to be vulnerable, at least the best I know how._

He remembered what Rangi wrote at the end of her journal entry. ‘When Kyoshi held me, it opened me. Tore down walls I never knew I had built. I knew that, in her arms, I could be safe even when I had to be strong otherwise. I could protect her, and she could protect me. I just need to allow myself to be vulnerable.’

The colors of the sunset were reflected on his face, the most beautiful sight in the world. The smell of his entrancing lilac and jasmine perfume. The sight of his soft smile, a sweeter, purer thing than any other he had ever known. The strands of beauty that lingered around all merged into one dream sequence. _I need to be strong like Rangi and learn to be vulnerable._

Letting go of his inhibitions, Sokka leaned his head very delicately onto Zuko’s shoulder. Rather than stiffening, Zuko’s body relaxed, melting into Sokka’s touch. _With him, I feel safe. Is that love?_

They remained like that until the sun had long passed out of sight and the moon’s glow enchanted them in her loving magic.

* * *

“Zuko, do you remember when I said I had a surprise for you?” Suki said, leading them to the main building in the village.

“Yes?”

“Well, it’s time for it now.”

Zuko looked over at Sokka with a worried look in his eye but Sokka simply smiled in return. “Just trust it, Zu.”

Sokka had no idea what he felt about what had happened on the beach the night before, but he did know that he never wanted to be apart from Zuko. _How I lived without having him beside me I cannot fathom._ He felt peace, a peculiar sort of certainty that however things developed he knew everything would be as intended. _Is that love?_

They entered into a room off from the main training hall. There was a vanity on three walls, places for each of the Warriors to don their makeup. On the south wall there was a large cabinet that held extra Kyoshi Warrior uniforms. 

“Now, before you scoff…” Suki began.

Zuko beamed. “I would be honored to don the uniform of the KyoshI Warriors. You know, if I would be allowed.”

Suki laughed. _He is much more willing than I was my first time._ “Of course. You have the courage, compassion, and sense of duty that define any Kyoshi Warrior. You too, Sokka.”

“Suki!” Sokka squealed.

Zuko writhed his hands together. “You all have such brave loyalty. It’s an honor.”

Suki slapped him on the back. “Yes, yes, all that is true. But, more importantly, it’s fun. And you are going to look so pretty with the makeup on.”

Suki opened the cabinet and lifted out two sets of armor. “Both of you take these and go change into them. We’ll do the makeup after.”

Each boy took a uniform and found separate rooms to change in. Sokka slipped out of his robes and pulled on the green kimono. _It’s easier to get on the second time._ He lifted the armor-plating over his head and affixed it to his chest and shoulders, leaving the pieces untied. He left the little room and walked back out into the main hall.

He heard grunting from another room. _Is he having trouble? I should let him figure it out for himself._ He heard Zuko get frustrated. “Stupid!” the firebender berated himself.

Sokka knocked on the door. “Are you okay there, Fire Dork?”

“How am I supposed to tie this armor onto myself? This is the worst.”

Sokka laughed. _Sometimes he can be so helpless._ “We’ll have to tie each other’s. Just come out here and I’ll do it for you.”

“Alright,” Zuko replied. A minute later, the door opened and Sokka struggled to keep his jaw from dropping. _He looks so beautiful in that kimono._

“You wear this so much better than I do,” Zuko said sadly, stepping forward. 

Sokka twirled his finger for Zuko to turn. “That is definitely not true. And, anyway, this is your first time.” He took the strands on Zuko’s left side and made a knot. 

“I know, and I really want to make a good impression for Suki. This is very kind of her,” Zuko replied, with a certain pleading in his voice.

Sokka laughed. _I want to bury my face in his hair._ He began working on the right side. “She loves you, Zu. This is fun for her. And she meant exactly what she said.”

“Really?” Zuko asked. _Is he...baiting me for praise? Little does he know I’ll praise him until the stars glow in the day and sunlight pervades the night. Is that love?_

Sokka turned so Zuko could tie his armor on. “Of course. You always underestimate yourself, but listen to me. My dad led us through the darkest period in Southern Water Tribe history. My sister is the greatest living waterbender. Aang is the Avatar. I love and admire all of them so much. What I feel for them does not compare in any way to what I do for you.” _Note to self: deciding not to hide your emotions is not the same thing as spilling them without a filter._

Sokka heard Zuko sniffle. “I’m sorry to cry, but that...means quite a lot to me. You have made me feel like I can be who I am, a gift I can never repay.”

When Zuko finished tying the armor, Sokka turned around and placed his hand on Zuko’s shoulder for what must have been the thousandth time since that pivotal council meeting. “You make me feel the same way, Zu. We’d better go back, Suki’s going to be wondering what’s taking so long.” They laughed together, then walked back to the powder room.

“You boys look like absolute gems!” Suki exclaimed. “The kimono fits you perfectly, Zuko.”

He smiled shyly. “Thank you.” _I would chase that smile to the ends of the earth. Is that love?_

“Alright, let’s get started on the makeup. Sokka, since you’ve done this before, I think it’s best if you do Zuko’s makeup for him. You can do your own and his at the same time to teach him.” _Wingman Suki is the best._

“That’s good for me. What about you, Fire Dork?”

Zuko smiled. “I’m at your command.” He sat in the chair, facing away from a vanity. 

Sokka found a container of white face paint and a brush. “First, we’ll apply the white all over. You’re so pale, though, we might not even need it.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Not all of us were blessed with nice skin like you.”

Sokka dipped the brush in the paint and began applying it to Zuko’s forehead. _This is the angle from which Zuko is most beautiful._ “Suki, tell him what the white color means.”

Suki stood beside them, arms crossed but smiling while she watched. “Avatar Kyoshi developed her makeup look while she was a part of the Flying Opera Company. They were a criminal group, but they also were the only family Kyoshi ever knew. The white symbolizes deceit and a willingness to do evil.”

Sokka moved on to apply the white paint to his own face, using the vanity’s mirror to help. “Why would Kyoshi embrace that sort of message if she was so dedicated to justice,” asked Zuko.

Suki shrugged. “That is something left up to every Kyoshi Warrior’s interpretation. My belief is that good and evil are myths. To some, Kyoshi’s form of justice might seem evil, but, to me, her justice was necessary to protect the innocent from greed and callousness. There are only darks and lights and the grey in between.”

“Just like in our painting,” Sokka said, setting down the container of white paint.

“And in the energies of tai chi,” Zuko added, smiling. 

Sokka held a container of red paint and a new brush now. “This will go above your eyes.”

As he carefully brushed the red on Zuko’s closed eyelids, Suki explained what the new color symbolized. “Red is for honor and devotion to those you consider your family. You must always be loyal to those you love.”

“Perhaps Kyoshi and I have more in common than I thought,” Zuko said. “It took me far too long to learn that love is the truest form of honor.” 

When he was done with Zuko’s, Sokka painted his eyelids one by one in the crimson color.

“You both look wonderful,” Suki said with glee. “Now, the last part.” She handed Sokka two caps of gold. “Sokka, since you have already been inducted, you may put on your headpiece now.” He did as instructed. “With the Kyoshi Warrior headpiece, all will know you to be a protector of the innocent and an executor of justice. Zuko, do you swear to uphold those two obligations?”

Zuko nodded. “Yes, I do.”

Suki grinned. “Good. Sokka, go ahead.”

He raised the headpiece above Zuko’s head and secured it in place over his black hair. Their eyes met, gold meeting azure like a bolt of palpable affection. ‘ _The eyes are the source of love and honor,’ Rangi had written in her diary._

There was a look of pure joy written across Zuko’s face, one Sokka had never seen before. _Not even in the water gardens did he appear like this. This is...peace._

Sokka’s chest burned, filling him with a profound longing as he took in all the rivulets of sunlight that flowed through Zuko’s irises. _He is the only one who I’ve ever felt this way for. The idea of our souls eternally devoted to one another is our mutual peace. Rangi and Kyoshi balanced one another, protecting and being protected by the other even in the worst of times._

_I am his honor and he is my duty._

_This is love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The duality of love.
> 
> Thank you for being patient as I crafted this chapter exactly how I wanted it. I hope it lives up to your expectations.
> 
> Also, don't worry, we will be seeing more of Suki later. She has her own plot that needs resolved still.
> 
> As always, you honor and humble me devoting time and energy reading my writing. I will adore you all 'until the stars glow in the day and sunlight pervades the night.'


	11. Sunbeams and Lightning (MAI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mai and Iroh confront a festering political threat, Kataang, Mailee, and Azula travel to Hira'a together, and Aang helps Azula begin to address her traumas. (MAI POV, all italics are Mai's thoughts)
> 
> TW: descriptions of domestic abuse

_ This is no normal meeting, even if Iroh believes it to be. _ Fire Lord Iroh presided over his monthly meeting with the Fire Sages. Mai, officially in her capacity as Omashu Ambassador but truly because no major political discussion carried weight without her involvement, listened in as the conversation neared its two hour mark.

“We must finish the preparations for the Avatar Festival soon,” Iroh said, sitting at the head of the table in the chambers. “Fire Sage Hideyo, are you prepared for the duties you must perform?”

Hideyo, a bookish man of fifty, lifted his eyeglasses to peer long at his notes.  _ Help us.  _ “Yes, I do believe so, Fire Lord.”

Iroh nodded. “Good. I believe if that…”

A young Fire Sage cleared his throat.

“Oh, Fire Sage Fujio, do you have something to add?”

Fujio, a handsome man no older than thirty-five, nodded. “Yes, I do.” He stood, looming over the table, his black hair adorned with gold clips that kept it out of his face. “I looked over the schedule and saw no plans for a parade of soldiers. This exclusion is highly unusual. May I ask why?”

Mai saw Iroh’s eyes harden.  _ Does he know that Fujio plays a different game?  _ “Displays of military force are no longer necessary in the new Fire Nation.”

Fujio raised an eyebrow. “True, although none of this festival is necessary. Under recent leadership, the army became discontented with being neutered.”  _ Iroh, keep calm. Insulting Zuko is how he intends to beat you.  _ “Under a Fire Lord such as yourself, with a martial background, they have hope again. Inviting them to be a part of the festival would be a signal that the future of the Fire Nation is strong.”

To Mai’s surprise, Iroh remained level. “The decision has been made. The army will have no part in a festival celebrating the paragon of peace.”

Fire Sage Atsuji, an elderly man with wisps of grey hair like tumbleweed on his head, croaked. “The other Fire Sages agree with Fujio, your highness.”

_ Fujio was dangerous, but I had no idea he would take it this far.  _ When she saw Iroh analyzing the new knowledge, Mai decided to step in. “Avatar Aang will refuse to participate in a festival with any martial display. I know that firsthand. It is obvious that the Fire Sages have made a decision, but those words are just wind.” Mai shot metaphorical daggers straight at Fujio, looking straight into his eyes. “The Fire Lord reigns here.”

Fujio grinned.  _ Arrogant bastard.  _ “No one disagrees with that, Mai. But perhaps it would be wise for you to remember your own words.”

_ What is that stupid fool saying he knows?  _ She continued to stare straight at him.  _ Does he know about Azula? Or just that I am too upjumped to be in government? I must not give myself away.  _ “The decision has been made. Not by me, nor you.”

“By me. We will not be including a military parade. End of discussion,” Iroh said commandingly, ending the conversation.  _ But for how long? _

* * *

Mai thought about that morning’s meeting as she traveled to the area just outside the Fire Nation Capital that she and Aang had agreed on.  _ There may be other Fire Sages, but their age and complacency make them weak. Weak enough to be controlled by one man who believes he deserves to be a power. Fujio. He will not be an easy opponent to beat. _

“Mai, are you listening to me?” Ty Lee was by her side, dressed in her usual pink robes and with her hair in a long braid. Mai looked over and saw her girlfriend’s sweet face looking slightly up into Mai’s eyes, frowning.  _ She is a sweet carnation, delicate and removed from the muck of politics. _

“My mind was elsewhere. What did you say?” Mai asked, smiling slightly.

Ty Lee stuck out her bottom lip. “I was telling you about my day out with Katara, but you obviously don’t care enough to listen.”

Mai rolled her eyes and took Ty Lee’s left hand into her right, interlocking their fingers. “I’m sorry, my love.”

The girl in pink grinned. “I can’t stay mad at you, Mai.”  _ She’s so easy to win back over.  _ “Katara and I had the most wonderful time together yesterday. She took me to a tea shop in the market and we just talked for hours! She told me stories about places they visited and how she learned some of her waterbending techniques. I wish you would warm up to her.”

_ I would need to be met in the middle.  _ “It pleases me you and Katara enjoy each other’s company so much, but she and I are...very different people. She will never trust me to befriend me.”

Ty Lee giggled. “You think that about everyone! Why should she trust me but not you?”

They walked through the city gate, passing under the great red arch adored with a golden dragon, and continued on the road. “You are impossible to hate. I am...who I am.”

Ty Lee squeezed her hand. “You are beautiful, loving, and strong. Worthy of trust, too. I promise you that you are worth more than you think you are, my sunbeam.”

Mai smiled at her in response.  _ If only she was right. _

They continued on the road to the meeting point. From a distance they could see the large sky bison in the nearby field, not far from a special shelter Aang had paid to have built for Appa when they took up residence in the capital. As they came closer, they saw Aang and Katara standing near Appa, while Azula stood a few feet away with her arms crossed.

“Azula!” Ty Lee shouted, running toward her. “How are you?”

“Thrilled,” Azula deadpanned, dressed now in fine black and red robes Mai had paid to have tailored for her. Mai had taken Ty Lee to see Azula the day after they brought her to Aang and Katara’s villa. She was no warmer with Ty Lee than she was with Mai, but she did allow herself a slight smile once that only Mai spotted.  _ It’s understandable after what happened at Boiling Rock.  _

“Hi Mai, hi Ty Lee!” Aang shouted.

“Hello,” Mai returned. Ty Lee was already petting Appa.  _ I’ve come to like that big hairy beast. He doesn’t change his expression but I know he feels. Kind of like someone else. _ Mai walked up beside Azula. “Thank you for coming with us.”

Azula scoffed. “Beasts of burden are my favorite company.”

“Hey!” Aang shouted, offended. “Don’t talk about him that way!”

“So sorry,” Azula replied, voice dripping with disdain. “What was its name again?”

“Appa” Aang retorted.

Azula shrugged. “Shame. I thought you named it for our favorite Fire Lord. They share quite a few traits: hairy, smelly, lazy, full of hot air…”

“No one finds you hilarious, Azula,” Katara interjected, face full of strength and confidence.  _ She may not trust me but I admire her. _

Appa snorted, seemingly in agreement.

“I am your prisoner,” Azula said, walking toward Katara, never breaking eye contact. “Please feel free to punish me when I misbehave.”

“Enough,” Mai commanded. “With all due respect to each of you, I am in control here. I do not care whether or not you like each other, but you need to get along. You all are no better than the squabbling politicians in the city, wasting away time and energy doing nothing. Now, Aang, is everything prepared for the trip?”

Azula and Katara rolled their eyes. “Yes,” Aang said.

“Alright. Let’s go, then.”

They planned to only be gone a few days, so they had each packed only a modest amount as to not overburden Appa. Each climbed into the brand-new saddle on the sky bison’s back, first Aang, then Katara, then Ty Lee.

Azula looked dreadfully confused, her face a scatter of disgust but interest, too. “Just grab on and pull yourself up,” Mai said behind her.

Azula wrapped her hands around the rope and pulled herself up, struggling. _ Maybe now people will see just how awkward she really can be sometimes. It’s not only Zuko.  _ Katara giggled at the sight, which sent Azula, once she reached Appa’s back, raging. “Do not laugh at me!” she shouted, staring directly at Katara.

Mai followed, then reeled in the rope. Aang took control of Appa’s reins while Katara, Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai sat together in the saddle. “Have you...been on this thing before?” Azula asked Mai.

“Only once,” Mai responded. “Be sure to hold on.”  _ She may pretend to look composed, but her eyes betray her nervousness. _

“Everyone ready? Here we go,” Aang shouted, his voice back full of glee. “Appa, yip yip!”

With a huff, the sky bison rose into the air. Azula’s face flashed into terror and she shouted in fear, making the rest laugh. “I told you not to laugh at me!” she screamed, hair blowing in the wind, her hands gripping the sides of the saddle while Appa ascended higher and higher into the air. 

“We’re sorry, Azula, but it’s just too funny. We all reacted the same way the first time we rode Appa,” Ty Lee responded sweetly.

“You’ll love it soon!” Aang shouted over his shoulder.

“Do not be so certain,” Azula retorted under her breath.  _ She thinks she has figured out something, I see it in her eyes. Once they were so full of confidence, but now they only reflect fear. _

_ An afraid Azula is the scariest of all. _

* * *

They made camp on the cliff of a mountain when the sun began to go down. Mai left Katara and Aang to put up the tents, hearing them grumble about how much they wished Sokka was there to do it because he was the camp-making master, and she joined Azula at the edge of the cliff.

The former princess was bathed in the orange and crimson glow of the sunset.  _ She looks like fire made manifest.  _ Her hair, as in the institution, was pulled back in a simple ponytail, and her eyes were sullen and tired.

“How did you like your first time flying?” Mai asked.

“Torture. What’s so special about that bison? It’s just a smelly shitting machine that travels extremely slowly,” Azula deadpanned, keeping her gaze out toward the horizon.

Mai laughed softly.  _ Sorry, Katara, but she is hilarious.  _ “You’ll come to like him. I heard he took to Zuko immediately.”

Azula laughed sardonically. “I am sure my brother told the beast one of his sob stories for sympathy first.”

_ Not a good idea to talk about Zuko.  _ “Why are you here, Azula?”

She looked over at Mai, eyebrows raised. “Why are you asking me that?”

“You could have killed us all before we even knew it. What made you come?”

Azula shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t think I had any other choice.”

_ Perhaps that has always been your problem.  _ “Are you going to actually agree to meet your mother?”

“She means nothing to me,” Azula said, her right eye slightly twitching.  _ Her tell.  _ “But I would like her to know that, despite her best efforts, I’m still here.”

“I don’t think Ursa ever meant you any harm,” Mai said softly. “She was just as trapped as you.”

“She was my mother,” Azula’s voice was nearly a growl. “She always had a choice. And she chose to forsake me.”

“Is that why you’re here then? To tell her that?”

Azula’s eyes quivered every so slightly.  _ She needs to stop calculating.  _ “I’m here because you told me to be.”

“Are you saying you trust me?”

The former princess turned her attention back to the horizon. “I don’t trust you. I believe you. About settling the past and making the future. Why else break me out of that cage?”

_ Perhaps she really does want to be here.  _ “I’m glad you’re here, in any case.” Mai reached out her hand to put on Azula’s arm but the latter flinched.

“Don’t think for a moment that just because I believe you that I will listen to you. This will be on my terms,” she said, forcefully but without anger, before walking away, back toward the camp.

* * *

Mai awoke the next morning before dawn, as she always did. The early morning hours when the darkness of night was lightened ever so slightly by the near-crested sun was her favorite time of day. It was then she could look upon some of her favorite constellations in the sky.

When they were children, she and Zuko would climb up on the roof and lay out next to each other, just gazing on the stars as they twinkled above. She loved to watch Zuko, mostly, the way his golden eyes glittered when he told her about some excitement that day. She felt inextricably connected to him, then and now, to his soul and what he could do to change the world.

_ We were too young to know what love is. Zuko is my best friend...at least I hope we may be best friends again. I hope he knows all I’ve done is because I love him, even if it’s not the type of love we once believed it to be. _

She thought of he and Sokka now, hoping within herself that they had come to see each other as the kindred souls they were.  _ Allow yourself to love him, Zuko. He needs it and so do you. _

She walked toward the edge of the cliff, mostly just to stretch her legs. From a distance she could see two silhouettes near one another. Walking closer, she heard soft voices.

“You must focus all of your attention on your chi,” Aang said.

Azula grunted. “If anyone knows their chi, it’s me.”

“Just...keep trying. Remove yourself from space and time.” Mai stepped up ten feet or so behind them, crossing her arms as she watched. “Just you and me,” Aang replied.

Azula exhaled and resumed her position, as did Aang.  _ He is teaching her to meditate.  _ They stood, arms out before them, focusing inward at the edge of the cliff.

_ This would be boring if it wasn’t so....odd. How had Aang persuaded her to even try?  _ After a minute or so, Azula’s breath hitched and she dropped to the ground, holding her head in her hands. “No!” she screamed.

Aang put a hand on her shoulder while Mai ran up beside her. “Azula, are you okay?” Mai asked.

Azula turned her head up and sneered. “Do I look fine to you?” Her limbs trembled with anger and her eyes betrayed her fear.

Mai looked over to Aang. “What are you making her do?”

Aang shook his head. “I haven’t forced her to do anything. I told her about meditation techniques to restore inner peace and asked her to try some with me.”

Azula fell back into a sitting position. “Every time I connect, my head begins pounding and I see only painful things.”

“Tell me what you saw this time,” Aang said softly.

“It was my mother and father again,” Azula began.  _ Of course it was.  _ “I must have been so young. She was pleading with him about something, but my father was dead-set against whatever she asked. When she asked again, he…” she trailed off.

“Say it,” Aang said softly.

Her voice transformed into a growl again, as it had the night before with Mai. “He hit her. Hard. I could hear him say something about knowing her place. And then I couldn’t breathe anymore and was back here.”

_ Aang is helping her break down the walls to access her trauma, but is that a good idea? She is already so afraid as it is.  _ “I am very sorry, but I am also proud of you for trying that again. Let’s try it together one last time.”

Azula stood up. “I do not think so, Avatar.”

Aang looked up at her. “We need to. We’ve hardly even begun.”

Azula’s right eye twitched. “I will not be doing any more of this.”

“I will do it with you, Azula,” Mai interjected.  _ If this is really a way she might heal, she needs to do it. _

Azula looked deeply at her for a moment, then rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

They each planted their feet and assumed position. Focusing on her chest, on the way her heart beat in time, Mai felt her entire body relax. Visions like dreams formulated in her mind. She saw Zuko’s soft, sweet smile, then Azula on the throne in Ba Sing Se, then remembered some joke Sokka made that she cracked up laughing to, and finally Ty Lee whispering that she loved her. The last she allowed to linger for a while…

...before she was forced back to reality with a piercing scream. Before she could react, Azula threw out her arms and shot bright blue lightning out over the cliff, sending Mai and Aang stumbling backward.

“Azula, we’re here. We’re right here!” Aang shouted. Azula’s hair fell down around her face and she breathed heavy.  _ She does not know where she is.  _ Her eyes darted in every direction like a frightened deer. Before she could run away or possibly hurt anyone, Aang pressed deep on a pressure point in her neck. She crumpled to the ground like a ragdoll, unconscious.

“Are you trying to make her snap?” Mai shouted at the airbender. 

“What? No...no. I’m trying to help her.”

_ She is riding the line between rational and insane as it is.  _ “Stop! You are only making things worse.”

Aang looked hurt. “She needs to confront her trauma, though. It lives under the surface always. It’s better to work through it gradually rather than allow it to erupt in rage.”

“To me, this looks pretty close to eruption. And we cannot afford a volcano right now.”  _ If she becomes afraid enough, she will either run away or kill us all. _

* * *

The rest of the day was quiet. Azula slept for most of it, left somewhat catatonic by her repeated exposure to past traumas. When she began to shiver at one point, Katara gently wrapped a warm blanket around her.  _ She has the most humanity of any person I’ve known. And she is very wise to guard her heart as she does so it is not crushed. _

Not long before sunset Aang brought Appa down in an open field outside a village. Mai woke Azula up with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. 

They each descended the rope down Appa and to the ground one by one. Mai could see the homes in the modest village from a distance. “Where are we?” she asked Aang. 

He looked back at her. “Hira’a.”

_ Time for past and present to collide. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a pain in the ass to write, to say the least. I apologize for the slight delay in getting it published, but I wrote it four different times before finally being satisfied with it. I needed it to lay groundwork AND progress plot at the same time, which explains its somewhat episodic format. I hope you enjoyed it still.
> 
> I've already written the next four chapters and I am so proud of them. They are going to (hopefully) blow you away. Both storylines have really beautiful and powerful moments coming, moments that, if you squint back over past chapters, i have foreshadowed little by little. I'll be publishing those close together very soon (no more than two days between chapters).
> 
> Until then, I've written and published a little single-chapter winter solstice zukka fic for the holiday season! It's called Our Personal Solstice and you can find it on my user works page. It's just sweet, adorable fluff!
> 
> Thank you all so much, as always, for sticking with this story. Come say hello on Twitter and Tumblr, I'm (@nassemstormborn) on both!


	12. Passing Down Lessons (ZUKO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka and Zuko arrive at the Southern Water Tribe village, dine with Hakoda and Bato, and Hakoda takes Zuko fishing. (ZUKO POV, all italics are Zuko's thoughts)
> 
> Part I of the Southern Water Tribe chapters
> 
> TW: implicit references to homophobia

“Could you come help me?” Sokka asked. Zuko nodded and walked across the cabin to him.  _ He doesn’t need my help, but he wants it.  _ He smiled and took the heavy sapphire overcoat from Sokka’s hands.

“Are you excited to finally see home again?” Zuko asked as he held open the left sleeve for Sokka to slide his arm into. 

Sokka sighed. “Yeah, I am, but…”

Zuko wrapped the coat around to the other side. “But?”

“But...it’s been months since I’ve seen my dad and Bato now. I hope that they aren’t upset that I left being the ambassador for the northern and southern tribes.”

Zuko laughed. “Sokka, you’re 17 years old. You should never have been expected to carry that burden anyway.”

Zuko came around to Sokka’s front to lock the buttons in the string clasps.  _ He and I seem to have an unspoken agreement since Kyoshi Island that we are...dedicated to one another. Does he mean it the way I do? Most of the time I think so, but the doubt is still in my mind.  _ “You’re right. But I still feel a duty to my people. Like you do.”

Zuko finished the top-most button, staring right into Sokka’s ocean-blue eyes only inches from his face.  _ Those freckles, his long eyelashes, even the specific curve of his eyebrows...it’s as if I’ve known of his beauty both only in this moment and for eternity.  _ “There’s a difference between duty and self-sacrifice.”

Sokka nodded. Zuko pulled out his own coat that Sokka had picked out in the market during their shopping trip in the Fire Nation Capital. “Do I really need this? I can just heat myself if I get cold.”

Sokka rolled his eyes and laughed, grabbing the crimson and gold overcoat from Zuko’s grasp. “Yes, you do. You’ve never felt bitter winds and deep seeping chill like we have at the South Pole.”  _ His hands feel so strong but also so...right...pulling the sleeve up my arm.  _

Zuko laughed softly. “Okay, I’ll do whatever you say. But I have been here. Once.”

Sokka came around to Zuko’s front to do up the buttons. “Oh, yeah…But just like what I said before Kyoshi Island, the new Zuko is not the old Zuko. You and I, being together like this, is more than enough proof of that,” he finished with a grin, latching the top button.  _ ‘Together?’ Are we together? Or together as in...within proximity of one another? Can someone please just tell me the right answer? _

Sokka slung one of their bags over his back and picked up another. Zuko grabbed his notebook, tossed it in his bag, and threw it on his shoulder.  _ The more and more I try to write what I feel, the more intense the feeling becomes. When I think of his hand on my cheek on Ember Island, or the shape of his bare body as we swam together, or the way his head felt resting on my shoulder...I want him. But I can only express that want when I write it. _

They left the cabin together, walked up the staircase to the deck, and emerged out into the bitter cold air. The wind howled, burning what skin Zuko did have exposed. But, when Zuko looked over at Sokka, he saw the other boy was smiling brightly. “Home,” Sokka said.

Zuko looked out and saw only blue and white expanses. “Home?”

“Well, yeah. We’ll have to take a canoe now from here to my village.”  _ Great.  _ They walked over to the disembarkation point. A crew member threw a rope ladder down the side of the ship that ended at a canoe. Sokka climbed down first, Zuko following only once the other boy was safely in the little boat. Zuko’s hair whipped around and the strands hit his skin like tiny whips.  _ I really should start pulling this back if I’m leaving it this long. _

Sokka helped Zuko into the front part of the canoe. They spread out their bags into the front, middle, and back to balance weight. Sokka rowed them out of the way of the larger passenger ship, then brought them to a stop so they could get settled. Zuko smiled at the other boy. “Do you have an extra hair ribbon?”

Sokka laughed and reached into his backpack, pulling out ribbons in multiple shades of blue. “I always have plenty on hand. Pick whichever you want.” He chose the ribbon that matched the one Sokka used to pull back his wolf-tail. “Do you want me to tie it for you?” Sokka asked sweetly. “You know, since you’ve probably never done it before.”

_ I had a topknot for years. He knows that.  _ “Sure,” Zuko replied. He shifted himself so his back faced Sokka. “You have such soft hair,” Sokka said, his voice quiet as if it danced on the wind.

“Thank you,” Zuko said, somewhat confused as to how to respond.

He could almost hear Sokka hesitating as he felt his fingers running up and down the strands. Zuko’s skin tingled every time Sokka’s hand brushed against the nape of his neck. “I...I could braid it for you if you want.”

_ Yes! Wait, I can’t just scream that. What do I say?  _ “Um...sure.”

Sokka split Zuko’s hair into three parts. Zuko looked out toward the sky beyond, admiring how the bright blues and creams of the midday sky reflected on the white expanse. “Never in my life did I imagine being here, having my hair braided in a canoe before seeing the Southern Water Tribe as a peaceful visitor.”

Sokka began crossing the pieces over each other, creating a strong braid. “You say that as if you expected to experience anything we have.”

Zuko laughed. “That’s true. I’m glad for it, though.”

Zuko couldn’t see him, but he knew Sokka was smiling. “Me too, Fire Dork. Me too.” Sokka tied the ribbon in a bow to hold the braid in place. “All done!”

Zuko carefully turned back around to face Sokka.  _ If I just…  _ He pulled his braid around to hang over his right shoulder and smiled at the boy across from him. Sokka’s gaze did not break from lingering on Zuko, his expression one of awe.  _ He’s looking at me like I’ve seen him admire the stars and the moon on countless nights. For them he holds such intense adoration and love...but why does he look at me the same? I am nothing to admire and I am certainly the hardest to love. _

“We’d better start rowing soon,” Zuko broke the silence, laughing softly.

Sokka shook his head as if to defog his mind. “Yeah, you’re right.” Sokka picked up the oar and began to paddle, sending them coasting through the water like a knife in butter.

They remained like that, in their silence, just looking at each other and the beauty all around.  _ I want to capture his light in a poem, or in a painting, or something. To make him see the immensity of it, unlike anything else I’ve ever seen. He and his soul captivate me.  _

Finally, after a long stretch of rowing, Sokka gestured with his head to a spot ahead. “There’s my home.”

Zuko turned his head and saw a village that looked only half-constructed. The Fire Nation had devastated the Southern Water Tribe during the war, but in the reconstruction efforts Sokka had advocated strongly not only for Fire Nation reparations but for the Northern Water Tribe to help in rebuilding. They had secured supplies and funding to construct enough homes for each family, but the tribes still remained separated into their individual fractured communities across the South Pole. “It looks much better than the last time I was here.”

Tears welled in Sokka’s eyes. “It does. I can’t even imagine what it means to my father to see his home at peace, slowly but surely restoring itself.”

“I would like to do something to help, if you think it’s appropriate,” Zuko said as Sokka slowed the canoe to approach the pier.  _ I want to atone for what I did here, but also a small part of me wants to show Sokka I care about anything he cares about. _

Sokka smiled. “We’ll talk to my dad and Bato about it. I’m sure there’s something we can do.” He jumped from the canoe onto the pier when they came to it and tied a rope onto the dock, anchoring the canoe in place. Zuko lifted their bags up onto the wooden pier, then carefully stood. Sokka extended a hand down to him and Zuko used it to pull himself up onto dry land.

They picked up their bags again and walked beside each other toward the village. As they approached, a few children came running toward them, along with a man and woman who approached slower. “Hello!” Sokka shouted. When the children were close enough, he crouched down in the snow and waved to each of them. “I’m Sokka, with an -okka. Chief Hakoda is my father.”  _ He has been gone so long he thinks they’ve forgotten him. _

When the woman approached them, she looked long at Zuko, somewhat suspiciously, before greeting Sokka with a smile. “Oh Sokka, how long it has been...but of course we have never forgotten you.”

The man joined the woman while the children, disinterested in the lack of excitement, chased each other back into the village. “Sokka, our brave warrior, is back to see us again.”

“Of course it’s you, Kakasa and Nonruq, who are the first to greet us,” he said, hugging them both. “Always the most vigilant.”

_ Why must they look at me like that?  _ “Who is your friend?”

Sokka grinned, putting his arm around Zuko’s shoulders. “This is Zuko, the former Fire Lord of the Fire Nation. And my best friend in the world.”

Nonruq furrowed his brow. “I...I think I had better tell your father you’ve arrived.” He walked away again toward the village.  _ That wasn’t awkward at all. I won’t isolate Sokka from his people, no matter what. _

Kakasa, unlike her husband, smiled at Zuko. “Welcome to our village, Zuko. I trust that Sokka has been courteous and kind to you?”

Zuko smiled. “Mostly.” He looked over at Sokka with a longing in his eyes. “But he wouldn’t be Sokka if he didn’t make fun of me sometimes.”

They laughed together. “Well, boys, let’s get you inside and out of this wind.” They began walking together. “Your father told us about the letter you sent from Omashu, but we were not sure when you would arrive.”

“You’ve met us with the only sort of welcome I’d want. As long as there will be a parade sometime before I leave.” 

Kakasa laughed. “Oh Sokka, you’re still the same boy who I’ve adored for so long.”  _ What does it feel like to have a community of people who love you consistently? His childhood was so different from mine.  _ “I’m thankful all you went through did not change you.”

Sokka nodded. “I’ve grown and understand things better now, but I feel more like myself than ever. A lot of that is because of Zuko here.”

Kakasa nodded, her eyes wide in thought. “He sounds like quite a boy. Your father told me about how you and he saved your father from the Fire Nation prison.”

“He did. And I’m forever grateful for it,” a strong voice said from the threshold into the village.

They all turned their attention to Chief Hakoda, Bato standing only a foot away from him. “Dad!” Sokka shouted, running toward him. He dropped the bags and practically jumped into Hakoda’s arms, who returned the expression of love by laughing and wrapping his strong arms around his son.  _ Am I a terrible person for being envious of that? _

Zuko and Kakasa soon caught up. “Hello, Chief Hakoda, Bato,” Zuko said.

“I’ll see you both soon,” Kakasa said, leaving them with a smile. Sokka embraced Bato in a warm hug, then took his place beside him.

Hakoda looked long at Zuko.  _ Is he upset I’m here?  _ “Zuko. Well, what are you waiting for?”

_ They hate me. Of course they do.  _ “Waiting...waiting for what, sir?”

Hakoda laughed, practically booming. “Come here and give me a hug!”

Zuko’s eyes widened, but he stepped toward Hakoda and accepted the embrace.  _ Certainly not what I expected.  _ Hakoda’s arms felt protective around him and Zuko felt at least a genuine level of care in it. Zuko afterward embraced Bato too.

“You boys must be hungry. Hakoda and I were just about to have our lunch.”

Sokka grinned. “I hope you made extra today. I’m starving!”

Hakoda put his arm around his son as they began to walk together into the village. “For you, my boy, there will always be a seat at my table no matter what.”

_ I hope the same can be said for me someday.  _ “Zuko, it looks like you prepared well for the cold here,” Bato said, looking at Zuko’s heavy crimson overcoat.

“Yeah. It was Sokka who picked it out for me. We had a shopping trip before we left the capital.”

“A shopping trip, huh?” Bato began as they walked down the trail to the main snowhouse, passing smaller igloos on both sides. “He always has enjoyed the finer things in life.”

Sokka rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. When you’re this beautiful, you can’t allow yourself anything less than the best.”

Hakoda groaned but Bato and Zuko laughed. Zuko could see what he assumed was Hakoda’s snowhouse in the foreground in front of them. “Like father, like son, I’d say,” Bato added.

Hakoda raised a finger as if to object, then laughed. “If you want any advice on how to make us fall in love, Zuko, shiny things are our soft spot.”

As Hakoda led them into the ice house, Zuko privately felt nerves through his whole body.  _ Why would he say that? Can he already see I love his son? I am doomed no matter what I do. _

Hakoda sat them around the small fire in the center of the icehouse, Sokka sitting close to Zuko on one side while Hakoda and Bato sat on the other side. While Hakoda gathered the plates of food, Sokka reached over and shifted the gold-colored scarf around Zuko’s neck. “What are you doing?” Zuko asked, watching Sokka’s gloved hands.

Sokka laughed, bringing the two ends together to tie a better knot. “I don’t want your neck to get cold, Fire Dork. It must have shifted at some point. There, all better now,” he finished. Zuko looked up and saw Bato watching them.  _ What if he hates me for loving Sokka? There are so many things that go beyond what I feel… _

Hakoda sat again, the plates of meat, vegetables, yogurt, and cheese around him. “Now, Zuko, it’s Southern Water Tribe custom that any guest always has first choice when dining. I know you are humble, but please, accept,” he said, passing a tray of meat over the fire.

Zuko smiled. “I do accept. Thank you for welcoming me so kindly and without grudge.” He took the tray and placed a few chunks of grilled meat on his plate.

The rest of the plates began to circulate soon after. “Neither Hakoda nor I hold any grudge. I actually want to thank you,” Bato said.

“Thank me?”

He nodded. “Yes. You helped save Hakoda’s life.” Bato looked over at Hakoda. “You saved our leader in his greatest hour of need. For that,” he looked back at Zuko. “I owe you everything.”

Zuko smiled. “It was the right thing to do.”

Sokka beamed, reaching out to touch Zuko’s arm. “He’s just the best. I’m so glad we all can be together now.”

Hakoda nodded. “I am pleased to see the changes that happened in Fire Nation leadership that brought you here now, Zuko. That isn’t commentary about you whatsoever, I just believe you are still so young and should not bear the burden of leadership when you should be having fun and finding yourself.”

Zuko nodded.  _ He’s right. Sokka said the same thing, too. Uncle put too much faith in me too early.  _ “As much as I didn’t want to admit that at first, I see now that you’re right. For all I lost, though, I gained something far better.”

“What’s that?” Bato asked.

Zuko smiled and looked over at Sokka, who had his cheeks stuffed with food. “My best friend.” He couldn’t help but blush.  _ I really might as well just profess my love for Sokka in this igloo, proclaim that I want to cherish, treasure, and protect him forever and have him all to myself. I am hopeless and I do it to myself. _

“I’m very glad you and Sokka have grown so close in your travels,” Hakoda said. “That same experience, being away from home and having only each other to rely on, is what united Bato and I.”

_ Is he saying...what I think he’s saying? I mean all he knows is that Sokka and I are best friends and that’s what Hakoda and Bato are, too. But with every new story Sokka has told me about his Uncle Bato I’ve begun to wonder if there is something different there, some form of love that Sokka is just oblivious to. But I also thought the North and South Poles were connected, so what do I know? _

“It’s been wonderful, Dad,” Sokka said. “We went back to Ember Island, then to Omashu, then saw Suki on Kyoshi Island, and now we’re here! Plenty more to go, too.”

Bato raised his eyebrows. “Suki? How is she?”

“Oh, she’s great. She’s working hard to adapt the Kyoshi Warriors to all the changes in the world. And she inducted Zu into the Warriors!”  _ Sokka I swear, if you make me melt by calling me Zu in front of your father I will lose my mind. _

“Really? Well, that’s quite an honor, especially considering you both are the only boys ever allowed in. Did you wear the full outfit and everything, Zuko?”

He nodded. “Yes! Sokka did my war paint and Suki explained what each color means.”

“Perhaps we will need to show you our own war paint traditions,” Bato said. “The wolf warrior makeup is sacred to our people.”

“The first time I ever saw Sokka he had on the war paint,” Zuko said, then he looked over at Sokka. “He looked absolutely terrifying.”

Sokka laughed. “I think my boomerang was far scarier than I was then.”

“My head is still sore where that clocked me, by the way,” Zuko said.  _ I still remember that day. One I don’t love to recall. But never once since that day did I forget what the Avatar’s bodyguard looked like. _

Zuko saw Hakoda and Bato share a glance at one another. “If the wind lets up some this evening, we should do something together,” Hakoda began. “I know there are quite a few here who have missed you very much, Sokka, so perhaps you and Bato should stay here and tell some stories. And Zuko, if you would want, I would love to take you out fishing. Only if you want.”

_ He already wants one-on-one time? I thought he would want to be with Sokka.  _ “That’s very nice, but I’m sure Sokka would want to be with you.”

Sokka grabbed Zuko’s arm. “No, you should go out with him! I’d love for you to get to know my dad better. We’ll be here for a little while so I’m not worried about time.”

Zuko nodded. “Okay, then it sounds like this evening is planned. Thank you, Hakoda, for your kindness to a stranger.”

Hakoda laughed loudly, the strength making Zuko worry the icehouse would collapse. “You are far from a stranger! Anyone my son considers a close friend is a friend of mine. And as close as you two are, perhaps even family.”

_ Family. That’s an easy word to say, but if I confessed my feelings would the harder reality become true, too? Or would I ruin everything for Sokka and I in a moment’s mistake? _

* * *

“Focus, Zuko. I believe you can do it,” Hakoda said, standing beside him in the canoe.

They were out on the water, the sunset glowing bright tangerine and violet across the sky. Zuko held a spear in his hand and tried to remember what Hakoda had shown him. 

He caught sight of a fish slowly swimming near the edge of the boat. Zuko drew in his breath and flicked his arm down to stab. The water splashed and the fish darted away. “Damn it!” he shouted. 

Hakoda laughed. “You were close, son.”

“I’ll never be able to do it, I’m sorry.”

“Let’s try a different spot.” They sat down again and Hakoda began to row. “So, what do you think of my home?”

_ It’s colder than one of my sister’s jokes.  _ “It’s a beautiful place. Very different than anywhere I’ve been before.”

“It is certainly a place that makes you, if you understand what I mean. Everyone here is very different from those in the rest of the world. That can be good and bad.”

Zuko nodded. “It’s not the same, but growing up in the palace made me feel the same often. Like I was different than everyone else. But exile changed everything for me.”

Hakoda smiled. “For as much as I’ve heard said about your aloofness and brooding, you seem to me to be a very warm, understanding, and kind boy. Just like my son.”

_ Sokka is ten times all of those things than I am.  _ “Sokka is certainly very special.”

“You both are very similar. I see that now. He is of this place, formed by our culture and traditions, but also very much his own person. He can go anywhere and never feel alone or isolated. I hope that you see that you are the same, Zuko. You may be of the Fire Nation, but you are truly meant for the world.”

Zuko laughed shyly.  _ His praise feels different. Is this what a father’s love feels like? A love that is nurturing and protective?  _ “You are too kind, sir. But I am far too different than everyone else to ever fit in.”

Hakoda laughed. “I never said anything about fitting in. Neither of you are ever just part of the crowd. I still wonder in awe at how you kept up your disguises as long as you did in the prison. No, you are both stars that shine bright for the rest of us to admire.” 

_ Those are just words I am not worthy of.  _ Zuko writhed his hands and felt a burning in his chest. 

“Are you okay, son?” Hakoda asked. Zuko felt the emotion flow through to his eyes and he began to cry. Hakoda brought in the oar. “I’m sorry if I said something hurtful.”

Zuko shook his head, wiping the tear from his eye. “No. It was incredibly thoughtful. I’m just not used to being praised or appreciated always.”

Hakoda sighed. “Even I can imagine growing up with a father like yours likely left you with quite a few sca...different traumas. You deserved better.”

“Thank you. Can I try again here?”

Hakoda smiled and nodded. “Of course you can. We’re almost at twilight now, so this’ll be the last chance really.” They stood up together and Zuko clutched the spear in his hand.

Patiently he waited, watching the small waves dance back and forth, before spotting a fish.  _ ‘I believe you can do it.’  _ Zuko drew in his breath and sent the spear right through the surface. When he brought it back up, a fish was impaled on the end.

“Yes!” he shouted, letting his excitement shine.

Hakoda placed his hand on Zuko’s shoulder, which only for the strength of his hands could Zuko even feel through his layers. “You are a natural. Well done.”

They packed up the fish Hakoda had caught, along with Zuko’s contribution, and rowed back to the spot they had left from originally. Hakoda swung the sack over his shoulder and they began to walk the trail back to the village.

“Thank you for showing me how to do that,” Zuko said. “My father never did anything like that with me. My uncle did some, but he mostly preferred to teach through wisdom than action.”

“In my opinion, too many adults believe that discipline and lectures are the way to bring up a child. What anyone must understand is that there is only one thing you must have faith in: yourself. Once someone truly believes in and loves who they are, they can do anything. Teaching a child to love who they are is the key.”

_ I hope someday I can find that place. Even when I try, any little mistake sends me back into hating and blaming myself.  _ “You are very wise, sir.”

Hakoda laughed. They came over a snowbank and could see the village in the distance, glowing dark violet in the haze of twilight. Zuko removed one of his gloves and created a small flame in his palm to illuminate the way. “I’m not wise, Zuko. I’m experienced. Two people taught me what I just told you. The first was Kya, Sokka and Katara’s mother. The most wonderful woman I have ever known. I lost her a long time ago, but she remains in my heart forever. But the second, which may surprise you, is Bato.”

_ Is he telling me what I wondered about before?  _ “I wish I had known Kya. But I am glad to have met Bato. Sokka talks about him all the time.”

“Bato is...the most important person in my life, along with my children. He comforted and helped me after Kya died and is as much a father to Sokka and Katara as I am. I would not be the man and leader I am without him.”

_ Perhaps if he is sharing this I should be brave and share something of my own.  _ “I am thankful for him, then, too, for helping to give me Sokka.”

Hakoda looked at Zuko and smiled softly. “I am going to tell you something no one except for Sokka knows. And he only knows a little. Can I trust you?”

“I...I hope so.”

Hakoda nodded. “When Kya died, I felt aimless, helpless, purposeless. Like a snowflake on the wind, caught in a chaotic storm with no way to help myself. But Bato was there, every step of the way, to support and restore me. Somewhere in that time, we fell in love.”

_ I was right? I was right. I was right! _

Hakoda continued. “We have been partners for so many years and yet must hide our love because I decided long ago to adhere rather than force change. There is no reason why my love for Bato should be seen as anything different than my love for Kya was, but I am of and for this place. I wasn’t brave.”

“I...I’m very sorry you’ve never been able to share your love.”

Hakoda stopped and put a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “It is not your fault. But I will tell you that I regret the choice I made every day. As does Bato, although he would never say. Zuko, tell Sokka how you feel.” 

_ This is changing quickly. He knows? What do I say to that?  _ Zuko remained silent.

“My son needs someone who will love him truly and deeply. Who will elevate him and bring out his best qualities. When I see you two together, whether at Boiling Rock or here now, I see two boys who can be that for one another.”

Zuko felt his arms shaking. “How...how did you know?”

Hakoda laughed. “Neither of you can hide your love. And that is a wonderful thing! I compared you to special stars for a reason. Your light is too beautiful and important to ever dim. Don’t make the mistake I did. Forget whatever you believe your duty is, leave your fears behind you, and be brave.”

_ Spirits, was this the whole point of the fishing trip? I feel simultaneously vulnerable and uplifted.  _ Zuko nodded.

“Promise me, son.”

“Sokka means too much to me. I promise I will have courage.”

Hakoda nodded and began walking again, Zuko remaining by his side.  _ I promised. But where do I begin? With any of this?  _ As he looked out toward the village, which was closer to him now, Zuko put things together in his mind.

_ We are the pieces each other needs in this world. All I can do is try my best, that’s all I’ve ever done in anything. I will try to be who Sokka needs.  _

_ But, first, I must tell him that I love him. I will. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, paired with part ii, means so much to me that it already has carved out a piece of my heart to claim forever. Writing it brought me quite a bit of clarity in my own mind, even, and so I hope the story I relate can mean something to you too.
> 
> We are definitely not done at the South Pole. But, before we can see what our boys do next, we must follow the gaang of angels (Gaang + Azula's Angels) as they help Azula deal with her trauma and her feelings toward her mother. I will have that up tomorrow!
> 
> Meanwhile, if you would like to get into the festive spirit, I've written two holiday zukka short-form fics that are pure fluff. You can find them on my 'works' page. Also, come say hello on Twitter and Tumblr at (@nassemstormborn)!! Thank you all so much for your continued support.


	13. The Dragontrap (MAI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Gaang of Angels watch a stage performance in Hira'a (MAI POV, all italics are Mai's thoughts)
> 
> tw: depictions of domestic violence

Night hung dark and heavy all around, the only illumination the torches that hung on each side of the stage and those that ran down the length of the aisle between the seats. The moon was obscured by the clouds even, the mountains in the distance appearing like black silhouettes.  _ This spooks even me. _

They filled a row of seats about a third of the way back in the open-air amphitheatre. Ty Lee sat on Mai’s left, Azula on her right, then Katara, then Aang. Azula had remained completely silent from the time they had arrived in Hira’a until now, acquiescing to anything Mai instructed her to do.  _ She made it easy, at least. I wonder what she is thinking, waiting for a stage production rather than immediately confronting her mother. _

Mai knew that if Azula had been taken to Ursa’s home immediately, she would have killed her mother.  _ I knew it before I organized any of this, way back to before Zuko abdicated. Her mother triggers something within her, a subconscious knowledge that what Ozai conditioned her to be is not who she was meant to be. She is still too afraid to admit that. _

“Why don’t they sell any food here?” Ty Lee asked softly, swinging her legs.

“This obviously isn’t a usual performance,” Mai said, trying to remind her that  _ A Bear Among Dragons  _ was not an official traveling production. 

“But people still get hungry! And by people, I mean me.”

Mai placed her hand over her girlfriend’s.  _ My silent way to communicate to her to hush.  _ Ty Lee obliged, leaning her head on her hand while they waited for the show to begin.

The curtains opened a minute or so later. A man dressed in fine silk robes walked out on stage, waving to the audience as they applauded for him. Ty Lee, Katara, and Aang all joined in applause, but Mai and Azula kept their hands folded in their laps. 

“Ladies, gentlemen, folks of all sorts, welcome to a very special production tonight. We here are proud to have produced an original work written by an esteemed Hira’an and are honored you all have gifted us your time and attention. Without further ado, I present to you:  _ A Bear Among Dragons. _

The presenter left the stage and was replaced by an actor wearing a plain white mask with dark rings around the eye holes and the mouth.  _ That’s not particularly frightening at all or anything.  _ A drum sounded in the background, emitting a loud boom every few seconds. “This is a story that takes place both long ago and in our very midst. A story of fear and love, trauma and hope, hatred and mercy. The spirits of the world like I see stories like this far too often in our eternal wonderings in this world, often making them blur together in one large conscious memory.”

“This story, though,” the ‘ghost’ boomed. “It has stayed with me forever.” The ghost then walked backward back behind the curtain and off-stage.

A few moments later, the curtain was pulled to each side, revealing what looked to be a solitary tree with the bright moon’s glow in the background. A woman with a red and gold bear’s mask stood with both hands clasped by a man in a silver wolf’s mask. “My love, this pleases me none,” she pleaded with him.

“Do you relish the idea of being a princess? Of leaving this place and never returning?” the wolf-mask asked.

“No!” she shouted, her voice full of sorrow. “My father told me of this only two days ago. He was invited to visit the king in the palace, which I was told was about providing jewelry for the queen’s birthday. My father returned happier than I had ever seen him before, telling me he had been invited back again the following day and that I was, too.”

“What happened when you went?” the actor said.

“My father gave me a dress finer than any I have ever seen before. When the king welcomed us in his throne room, he kissed my hand and smiled kindly at me. ‘Welcome to the Dragon Palace.’ he said to me, with warmth in his eyes. He called me the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.”

“He certainly was right about that,” the wolf-mask said.

“He introduced me to his son, the prince. I prepared to bow to him, but instead the prince bowed to me. ‘It is an honor to meet you, my lady,’ Prince Norihiko said.”

“Did you like him?” the actor said, his voice trembling some.

“Do you want me to be true or kind?”

“True.”

She turned in a flourish, covering her face in her hands. “He is very beautiful, gracious, and kind. But I don’t know him. My father told me we are to be married.”

The wolf-mask actor writhed his hands together. “Is that it, then? What we have matters none?”

The actress turned back to him and began to sob. “It does, my love! But what am I to do? I must bring honor to my family. My father…”

“I will protect you from your father,” the wolf-mask said.

She shook her head. “And then what? You would be hanged and I would have no one. Everyone, from the king to my father and even to you, has pretended as if I have a choice in this. I am a woman who must do her duty. But never forget that my love for you has always been real.”

“Do not tell me that. Do not lie to me,” the man practically growled.

“I have never lied to you. I am choosing to cling to hope that the day will come when you and I may see each other once again. But, until then, this must be farewell.”

The curtains closed and the audience waited while the set changed. Mai noticed Ty Lee already crying beside her.  _ Her sweet heart feels so deeply.  _ Mai took her Ty Lee’s hand in her own and held it to comfort her.

She looked at Azula next.  _ She still is expressionless, leg crossed, hands folded. Not a hair out of place. But what is she thinking? _

The curtain opened again and the new set was a room evidently within the Dragon Palace. The bear-masked actress held a baby wrapped in blankets in her arms, while a man with a green and blue dragon mask stood over her.

“Why does that child not cry?” the dragon-prince asked, his voice aggressive.

The bear-princess looked up at him. “He does. He just is quieter than most babies.”

“I will not have a sick or weak child as my son,” the dragon-prince commanded. “My father believes he is unworthy of our family name.”

The bear-princess’s voice grew strong. “Our son is your heir, but he is also a child who needs his father’s love. When will you hold him? When will you kiss him?”

“That is not my duty. I sired him, you birthed him. I satisfied what my father expected. I have no wish to grow close to my children or spoil them with attachment.”

“Do you even hear yourself, Norihiko? Zenji is your son, he needs his father. Especially if your parents refuse to see him and you do not allow me to invite my own here.”

The dragon-prince brought his hand up and struck the bear-princess, making her shout in pain and hold her arms tighter around her now-crying child. Mai heard Ty Lee and Aang gasp. Azula unfolded her hands and brought her right to her right cheek, tapping her index finger repeatedly.

“You are insolent! You will not listen to me regarding your former life. Your parents mean nothing. They are dust in a worthless town. I know you have been sending them letters.”

The bear-princess kept her arms tight around her baby. “I am sorry, Norihiko.”

“No, you are not. But you will be if you do not cease. This palace is your only home now. You belong here and nowhere else. You belong to me.” The dragon-prince turned and left the bedroom, leaving his wife crying. She brought her finger to Zenji’s lips and comforted him. “Do not cry, my sweet. Everything will be okay. I will protect you always, no matter what.”

The curtain dropped. Azula continued to tap that spot on her right cheek.  _ She has always touched there when nervous or confused. I wonder if she understands at all what she is being shown. _

Curtains opened again on a scene in a garden. The bear-princess sat with her now-older son (who wore the blue spirit mask) by the edge of the pond.  _ If Azula didn’t get it already, she certainly does now. _ Another child, a younger girl wearing a black and gold dragon mask, tumbled around on the right side of the stage.

“Ariko, stop firebending in the garden,” the bear-princess said sternly but evenly.

The girl continued to shoot flames from her little hands aimlessly up into the air. “Dad told me to do it whenever I wanted.”

“Mom, can I do that like Ariko is?” Zenji asked.

She wrapped her arm around him. “No. It’s not appropriate behavior in a peaceful garden.”

Ariko turned and laughed at Zenji. “What she is too afraid to tell you is that you just aren’t as good as me. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, of course. Not everyone can be a dragon.”

Zenji tried to stand but Ariko held him down. “You are being incredibly rude, Ariko. Where you learned to speak like that is beyond me, but when you are with me you will respect my wishes. Now, come here and let us feed the turtleducks.”

Zenji’s expression shifted into a smile at that idea. The bear-princess reached into a bag and pulled out a hunk of bread, which she split into two equal pieces. Ariko reached over Zenji and tried to pull one of the pieces away from the bear-princess. “No! You must wait your turn.”

Ariko screamed. “Dragons do not wait turns!” She sent a flame flying out over the pond in her rage, seething and breathing heavy. Zenji gasped and Ariko held him close. “Go to your room this instant. You are no longer welcome with us here today,” the bear-princess said, trying to sound firm to hide the fear in her voice.

“Fine. I will go see if I can learn something actually useful with Father,” Ariko ran away quickly, off-stage. 

Mai looked over at Azula, who had moved her right index finger to a single spot beside her right eye.

“I wasn’t scared, Mom,” Zenji said. “You don’t have to hold me so tight.”

“You should not need to be afraid of your sister, my son. But she emulates what she sees and that can be something to fear. I am always here to protect you, no matter what.” She kissed his forehead. “Now, why don’t you go see if Mariko is ready for your history lesson.”

Zenji groaned but complied. “Yes, Mom.” He stood and ran off-stage. 

The bear-princess stood and addressed the audience in a monologue. “My children are so very different from one another. My husband has hated Zenji from the time he was born, sensing weakness in him. But what Norihiko sees as his weakness I view as his great strength, his kind, gentle spirit a bright light in this dark place. But my daughter...I fear her. My husband sees her strength and weaponizes it for the ‘glory of the palace.’ He tells her she must be a dragon, must take what she wants and listen to no one but him.”

The bear-princess sighed long. “I have failed her. She feels none of my love and I am afraid to show it for fear she will treat Zenji the way Norihiko treats me. I must find a way to save her before it is too late.”

The curtain closed once again. Azula uncrossed her legs and recrossed them in the opposite way as before. She looked over at Mai, staring directly into her eyes.  _ She isn’t letting me know what she is thinking, only that she is thinking. When I conceived of this, I didn’t realize how intense it would feel in the moment. I hope it does not make her spiral. _

The curtain opened again in the throne room of the Dragon Palace. A man in an all-black dragon mask sat on the throne, while the dragon-prince, the bear-princess, and their children all knelt toward him, backs turned toward the audience.

“I will not allow you to delay this further, Norihiko,” the dragon-king commanded. “Proceed with the ceremony.”

“Yes, Father. Zenji, begin,” commanded the dragon-prince.

Zenji stood, writhing his hands together nervously before assuming position. He performed the expected firebending moves, but on the second to last technique tripped and fell down. Ariko laughed and the bear-princess impulsively began to stand to help her son before Norihiko grabbed her shoulder and forced her back on her knee.

Zenji stumbled back to his place between his mother and his sister, but not before Ariko tried to trip him. “Next!” the dragon-king commanded.

Ariko stood, bowed, and flawlessly performed each of the expected techniques. To add a flourish, she ended on two difficult moves meant to impress her grandfather. She bowed once again and returned to her position.

“I have seen enough,” the dragon-king commanded. “Norihiko, send your children away.”

The dragon prince looked at Zenji and Ariko. “Go to your rooms.” They listened and walked away off stage.

“I am highly disappointed in your son, Norihiko. He is an utter failure,” the dragon-king said.

“My sincerest apologies, Father. He is helpless and hopeless.”

“Your daughter, though, is a true dragon. She will bring glory to us all.”

Norihiko nodded. “She has proven to be loyal, strong, and genius. She is a prodigy.”

“The glory of this nation is all that matters. I trust you have ensured she has not complicated what should be her sole focus on her mastery of firebending.”

“Yes, Father. She is totally dedicated to our vision and goal.”

The dragon-king nodded solemnly. “Good. Now, I must deliver you bad news. Your brother, Ikko, has failed in his military campaign. He has withdrawn forces and travels home as we speak. His son, Taizo, was cut down in battle.”

The bear-princess gasped at the news but the dragon-prince remained stoic, almost as if he already knew. “He has shamed us because of his love. He has no heir and no wife. I have both.”

The dragon-king sat up in the throne. “What is it you ask, Norihiko?” he commanded.

“Make me your heir, Father. Give Ikko the peace he requires to mourn.”

The dragon-king stared long at his son. “You ask me for this before you could even comprehend the sort of pain your brother endures as we speak? You insult me with such a request while I am still healthy and productive? If anyone brings shame upon this family, it is you, Norihiko. You and your son are no true dragons.”

“I...I apologize for any offense. I meant no disrespect,” Norihiko replied, his voice shaking.

“And yet you did offend and disrespect. I see only one answer for this irredeemable insult against my honor and the honor of your brother. Another sacrifice must be made.”

As the dragon-prince and bear-princess looked up at the king in shock, the curtains closed. The drums from before began to pound, reverberating across the amphitheatre.

The curtains reopened in a bedroom. Zenji slept in his bed, while the bear-princess sat on the end of the bed. She looked out toward the audience. “I promised him I would always protect him, no matter what. He has a gentle and loving heart, one that could be crushed in a prison such as this. Just as they tried to crush mine. I hope what I have tried to teach him sustains him, prevents him from becoming like his father or grandfather. All my life, I have been like a rose petal on the breeze, helpless and out of control of my own path. I have clung to hope as my only source of power.” 

She kissed her son on the forehead, which woke him. “Quiet, my son, my light. Just listen to me. What I have done, what I have tried to do since the day I first held you, has always been to protect you. Your spirit is too bright to let them crush you, Zenji. Never forget who you are.”

The curtain dropped. Moments later, it reopened in another bedroom, now with the bear-princess standing at the end of the bed that Ariko slept in. 

She addressed the audience. “My husband made it more than clear that he has always viewed our daughter as a tool. How can a man see another human and weaponize them? I hope...I hope beyond all my thoughts and worries that Ariko will be a true dragon and decide her own path. She can use her power to destroy, or she can use it to build. I may fear her, may fear what my husband turned her into because of what he has done to me, but I will always love her. I hope she and Zenji can rise out of this nightmare and enjoy the future my duty denied me.”

Mai looked at Azula, who was rubbing her right cheek now with her hand and bounced her leg nervously.  _ I myself could cry. What must she be feeling? Is she hearing this? She can be that dragon that rises better and stronger still. _

The bear-princess bent down and kissed Ariko on her right cheek. Mai had a revelation.  _ That is why she still touches that spot. She does not know it, but that is where her mother always kissed her.  _ “I love you, Ariko,” the bear-princess whispered, before the curtain dropped.

The final scene depicted the death of the dragon-king and the rise of Norihiko to the throne, who now wore the all-black dragon king mask. His children knelt before him, but the bear-princess was gone.

The ghost from the introduction returned to the stage. “The dragon-king had commanded Norihiko to kill Zenji as punishment for the prince’s insolence. Our bear-princess, with love so deep for her son, saved his life by killing the dragon-king. She gave her husband, her captor, all he ever wanted so that her son might remain safe. She wandered the world as part of a traveling actors’ troupe ever after, spending nearly fifteen years clinging to the hope that her sacrifice had been worth it. Was it?” he asked, lingering before departing the stage, the curtain closing one last time.

The show was over.  _ Now it is time for the really hard part.  _ Mai sat up and watched Azula, who continued to bounce her leg. The former princess slowly turned her head to glare at Mai. “I think I would like to meet the actress.”

Mai knew that was not a request but a command. “I am sure that can be arranged,” Mai replied. Azula stood and so did the other four only a moment after. Aang led them out of their seats and into the aisle. Azula made her way through the lingering crowd of people, Mai close behind, toward the stage.  _ What have I done? _

Azula reached the stage and went around to the back, seeing groups of actors standing around changing their outfits and conversing together. The bear-princess actress sat on a stool alone, looking off into space.

“A wonderful performance,” Azula said as she walked toward the actress, her voice dripping with disdain. “I wanted to meet the actress who had brought such a compelling character to life.”

The bear-princess actress stood, reached up to her mask, and pulled it onto her head. Ursa smiled at her long-lost daughter, looking upon her face for the first time in over ten years. “My love, it is me, your mother.”

Mai stood beside Azula, who responded simply by glaring long at Ursa. Her right eye twitched. She looked over at Mai. “This time it is you who has miscalculated.”

“Azula, do not blame Mai. She wanted this to be a way to bring us back together again,” Ursa pleaded. “I understand if you hate me and want nothing to do with me, but please, give me a chance to explain why I did what I did.”

Azula cackled, her arms trembling. “I think you have done quite a masterful job of glorifying yourself here tonight. It is impressive that you truly believe you were a victim.”

“Stop, Azula. We need to handle this maturely,” Mai said, touching her arm.

Azula ripped away. “I need neither of you. I love neither of you!” she screamed, almost like a wounded animal.

Mai stepped toward Ursa, knowing she may need to protect her. She saw that Aang, Katara, and Ty Lee stood nearby. Ursa’s voice remained soft. “I do not expect you to love me. I hope you know, though, that I have never stopped loving you.”

Azula cried out and screamed again. “Liar!” She brought her hand up, which prompted Mai to pull Ursa down hard to the ground. The bolt of lightning from Azula’s hand passed over them and struck one of the troupe’s tents, igniting the canvas on fire.

Before anyone could respond, Azula took off, running as fast as she could into what appeared to be like a limitless void in the deep darkness. Ursa cried. Katara ran over to the tent to bend water onto the fire to extinguish it.

_ By now, she is long gone. I miscalculated. But I had no other choice, I had to try. What I have to hope is that the faith we have placed in her brings her the awakening she needs.  _

_ For now, she is alone. A dragon alone can be a dangerous thing, but it also can be exactly what she needs to be for now. We must wait now and, like Ursa, cling to hope. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to first acknowledge a very important inspiration for this chapter. In Hamlet, the prince uses a stage play called The Mousetrap to learn that Claudius had murdered his father for the throne. Mai does not use The Dragontrap to learn anything about Azula, but to force Azula to see the way she grew up - and the way Ursa suffered - from an outside perspective. I will shamelessly say that I believe Ursa to be a victim just as much as Zuko and Azula are, which seems to be a more controversial opinion than I once thought.
> 
> Mai and Azula's storylines are naturally progressing in much different ways than Zuko and Sokka's, but both plots are so important. I hope this chapter reflects a natural culmination of those that came before and sets groundwork for where Azula will go from here. Chapter 15 will introduce our last new POV, Azula herself.
> 
> Thank you so much for continuing to read! Your support means the world to me.


	14. The Wolf and the Dragon (SOKKA)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zuko continues to train Sokka in swordfighting, Sokka takes Zuko otter penguin sledding, Hakoda makes Zuko cry, and major secrets are shared. (SOKKA POV, all italics are Sokka's thoughts)

“Keep your eyes up, Sokka!” Bato shouted, bending his knees slightly as he watched Sokka bring his wooden sword down toward Zuko.

Zuko deflected the strike and spun around to reset his position. Sokka stumbled slightly but regained his footing quickly. “It’s a little difficult to focus when everyone is yelling at me!” Sokka groaned.

“That’s the entire point,” Zuko said, entering an orbit around Sokka as he waited for the right moment to strike. “You know no one fights without distraction. It’s all about willing it away and focusing only on your energy and the energy of your enemy. Is that right, Hakoda?”

“Yes, it is,” Hakoda began. Sokka instinctively looked over to his father. Zuko took his chance, sweeping around to Sokka’s back to kick out his knees, sending him off balance. He then brought the wooden sword to Sokka’s throat.

Zuko leaned down to Sokka’s ear. “You’re dead, boomerang boy,” he whispered in a tone that at once infuriated and exhilarated Sokka. _He can seduce me with just a word, fill me with feelings unlike any I’ve ever had before._

Bato laughed. “Lovers and fighters both, just like I told you, Hakoda.” Zuko withdrew the wooden sword and pulled Sokka back up to his feet. When Sokka turned to smile at him, he saw Zuko blushing from Bato’s comment. _It’s not fair if only he can tease me._

“It takes a certain sort of mutual interest and passion,” Sokka said, winking at Zuko. He walked toward Zuko and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Emphasis on mutual,” he whispered, making Zuko blush even more. _He looks like he wants to kill me. Good._

“Alright, I think that’s enough sword practice for today. We have a feast to prepare,” Hakoda said, with slight amusement in his voice. _I’m sorry to flirt right in front of you, Dad._ “You boys are not to help with any of the preparations, though. This is for you.”

“I’d like to help, though, sir,” Zuko said.

Hakoda smiled. “You’re very kind. But we are celebrating you! I am certain a day will come when your aid will be much more beneficial, but thank you.”

Sokka laughed. “What my dad means to say is that he knows your cooking is bad.”

Zuko spun around and crossed his arms. “It is not!”

“Whatever you say,” Sokka said sarcastically. “But I have a whole day planned for us so we’re going to be busy anyway.”

They began trudging through the snow on their way back to the village. “Good. I hope you two enjoy yourselves. Just be back by sunset.”

When they reached the village, Sokka and Zuko broke off from Hakoda and Bato to go to the spare icehouse they had made their quarters while visiting.

“You’re getting a lot better,” Zuko said, looking over to the other boy with a smile. _When I first met him he seemed physically incapable of ever doing anything but scowling. Now, his smile is the bright light I never want to stop chasing._

“It’s not too difficult for a natural like me to pick up some new skills,” Sokka said, smirking.

Zuko rolled his eyes. “You are so insufferable.”

Sokka put his arm on the small of Zuko’s back, just below his neck. “You know you love it, don’t lie.”

“You’re literally the most annoying person I’ve ever known,” Zuko said. _That was a little harsh._ “But,” Zuko picked up again. “I wouldn’t trade being by your side for anything else in the world.”

Sokka felt those cinnamon tingles all over his skin at that, smiling back widely at the boy he cared so much for.

Zuko laughed. “That was payback,” he said as he opened the thick curtain for Sokka to enter the icehouse.

“For what?” Sokka asked.

“For making me blush so hard in front of your dad.”

* * *

“This is, without a doubt, the most insane thing ever called fun in the world,” Zuko said, amused.

“You talk to turtleducks, hush,” Sokka replied, which disarmed Zuko faster than ever before. _I love when he listens to me._ “Now, you have to be very careful to catch one.” He motioned toward the flocks of otter penguins that huddled near one another across the white expanse.

“Do I just...jump on one?” Zuko asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion.

“No,” Sokka laughed. He reached into a sack and handed Zuko a fish. “Wave this around a little and choose the one you like best.”

Sokka led Zuko closer to the otter penguins, their blue and red coats fluttering in the wind. They slowed as they came closer to the flock, the nearest penguins eyeing them suspiciously. “Be as quiet as you can.” He stuck out the fish and, in squeals of excitement, the animals came waddling toward him.

Zuko imitated him but soon froze up. “Uh, Sokka, a little help, please.” Sokka looked over to see Zuko, a red flash immersed in black and white blurs. _It’s torture to him, but he is cutest when he’s so awkward. A true Fire Dork. My Fire Dork._

“Just pick one, Zuko!” Sokka exclaimed. He saw a larger penguin that looked both cooperative and strong enough to support his weight. He led that penguin away from the pack while Zuko stumbled to lure one of his own in the same direction. 

Once he actually had the penguin working with him, Zuko smiled widely. “I actually did it!”

“I knew you could, Zu.” They lined the penguins up next to one another, making the animals look at one another in mutual confusion. “Give him the fish now.”

They each fed their penguins. “Now, spin them around and jump on their backs!” Sokka did as he commanded, Zuko only a second behind him. _He really isn’t too bad at this. Helps to have a master teach you._

Suddenly, the world around was a blur and Sokka’s heart beat at a thousand paces a minute. Level with the ground, on the back of the otter penguin, he felt as if he had been liberated from gravity itself. “Hold on tight, Zu!” he advised the other boy as they went flying over the top of a white snowy bank.

“SOKKA!” Zuko shouted, his voice a mix of fear and excitement. They landed on the ice below with a thud, continuing to slide along at high speed.

“Now you see how fun this is!” Sokka shouted to the boy who was right on his tail, snow speckling his face. The world seemed, from this angle, to be all white and all snow and ice, limitless in all directions. Sokka swallowed down that fluttery feeling in his stomach and readjusted the penguin to stay on course.

Zuko had caught up to him now, both of them neck-and-neck. Sokka looked over, his wolf-tail waving wildly in the wind, and saw Zuko flashing him the brightest grin. “You were right!” the Fire Nation boy yelled. “This is fun!”

Sokka laughed, admiring how free and happy Zuko looked in that moment. _I need to help him see that he can be more like this all the time. It’s my duty to help liberate him from the crushing weight of his worries and traumas._ “You are absolutely not going to win this!”

“Keep telling yourself that!” Zuko yelled back, braid fluttering in the turbulence.

They approached an ice tunnel. Flying over a snowbank, they landed inside it, Sokka taking the lead once again. The inside of the tunnel was a dark blur of light blue and white that surrounded them and blocked out the wider world.

Sokka laughed. “Enjoy eating my snow!” he yelled, but when he looked over his shoulder Zuko wasn’t there. _Oh no._ But soon enough, Zuko came sliding off the right side of the tunnel and landed straight in front of Sokka. 

“It looks to me like you’ll be the one eating snow,” Zuko shouted, laughing with pure glee and amusement. Sokka saw bright light past Zuko and planned a last minute takeover to win once they left the tunnel.

Then, suddenly, at high speed, Zuko’s penguin slammed into an ill-placed snowbank and sent him, in a flash of red, flying into the air. Sokka, without time to react, hit the remnants of the same snowbank.

Sokka shouted as he separated from his penguin, feeling his stomach move up into his throat as he coasted through the air and, somehow, straight for the splotch of red fabric already in the deep snow.

“Shit!” Sokka said when he landed right side first straight into the soft snow. The impact didn’t hurt, but he at once was frazzled but also very worried about Zuko.

“Zu, where are you?” he said, sitting up and shaking the snow off his head. 

The other boy, immersed in snow from his shoulders down, grinned right next to him. “It was very kind of you not to slam into me.”

Sokka laughed, relaxing knowing that Zuko was okay. “That was...exhilarating.”

Zuko’s eyes went wide and he nodded. “That was the most fun I’ve ever had!” He shook off the snow, then moved closer to sit right by Sokka, legs touching. “Technically, I won.”

Sokka’s mouth dropped in outrage. “You automatically lost the minute you left your penguin!”

“But I left the tunnel first!” Zuko raised his finger in the air. “You did say that was the finish line.”

Sokka admired the other boy, the way he looked so carefree and joyful in that moment. He adored how his cheeks flushed red from the cold, which reminded him of all the times Zuko had blushed at Sokka’s flirtations over the past weeks. He reached up and stroked his fingers through Zuko’s hair, brushing snow out of it tenderly. When blue eyes met golden, both softened in gentle connection, a shared passion for the happy moment they shared together for just the two of them.

_I want to close this short distance and press my lips into his, to finally break this tension that has existed so unnecessarily between us for far too long. But not yet._

Sokka brought his hands up and cupped Zuko’s face in them. “I’ll let you have this one. But, next time, you won’t be so lucky.”

Zuko raised his eyebrows and winked at him. “Challenge accepted.”

* * *

The time had come for the feast. Zuko had begged Hakoda not to formally have it in his honor, so it had been turned into a general celebration for the entire village. A large bonfire had been built in the center of the village for the party to center around. Hakoda allowed Zuko to light the fire and called that his “chance to be helpful.”

Sokka, rather than worry about helping with preparations, concerned himself with finishing something he wanted to give to Zuko that evening. When they had gotten back from penguin sledding that morning, Zuko had gone out to spend the afternoon with Bato, leaving Sokka alone in the icehouse. _As much as I miss him near me very much, I needed time to finish his gift._

The night that Hakoda had taken Zuko out fishing, Sokka and Bato had spent hours talking, catching up on everything that had happened in the months prior. Much to Sokka’s surprise, Bato somehow knew of his feelings for Zuko.

“Now, Sokka, I do not mean to intrude myself in any business that isn’t mine, but I feel the need to offer some advice,” he had said.

Sokka sat up and looked at Bato. “Advice?”

Bato smiled softly. “I have always known that you are a very special boy. It’s brought me great joy to see you and Katara grow into the people you were always meant to be. Now, the joke I made earlier about you and your father loving shiny things was a joke but it also has a kernel of truth to it.”

“Hey! What’s so wrong with that?” Sokka said in mock outrage.

“Nothing at all!” Bato laughed. “You love very freely and openly, Sokka, and that’s a beautiful thing. I feel as if it is my duty, though, to tell you, from my outside perspective, that it looks as if you’ve found something new.”

 _Is this his way of telling me that Zuko and I are...whatever we are to one another?_ “What...what is that?” Sokka asked, clearing his throat.

“You know exactly who I mean,” Bato replied, his eyes glinting. _How could he even know that?_ “People all over this world will tell you that nothing gold can stay. They’ll tell you that the brighter the light the faster it’s extinguished. All of that is bullshit.”

Sokka chuckled, a little confused about what Bato meant. “Okay?”

“You know I found gold with your father. The dearest thing to me in the world to me next to you and your sister. We kept that spark that bound us together because we spend every day working on ourselves and each other. Gold can stay when you know love is an action you perform over and over again, not a constant state of being.”

 _Maybe this is the time to confront those feelings, to finally confess to Zuko that I love him. How do I ask Bato what I need to?_ “You are right,” Sokka ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “Somehow, in the course of the time we’ve shared, I realized that I love him differently than I ever have anyone else. But I feel so lost...I know there is no shame in it and yet I feel nervous and anxious at even admitting it.’

Bato smiled softly. “You are right, there is no shame in it. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world to love. You are the bravest warrior among us all, my boy. Let some of your brave wolf spirit spill over into how you love Zuko, too.”

Sokka felt the burning spread through his chest and wiped away a tear. “I will, I promise. He means too much to me not to.”

Bato embraced Sokka in a warm hug, then looked straight into his eyes. “Your love should be celebrated and it will be. As long as I am here, I will always protect you, no matter what.”

Back in the present moment now, Sokka wrapped the gift carefully in brown paper to protect it. It was small in size, only about eight inches by ten inches, but it meant the world to Sokka. _I hope it reflects the love I have for him._

An hour later, the villagers all were seated in their family units to begin the feast. Sokka and Zuko stood together, the former clad in his blue coat and the latter in his red, in front of the bonfire while Hakoda spoke.

“After so many months away, our brave warrior and my dear son, Sokka, has returned to us!” he said. Villagers all around cheered.

“Don’t let that go to your head too much, starry-eyed boy,” Zuko whispered.

Sokka looked over and smiled mischievously. “Me? Full of myself? Never.”

“With him comes another equally courageous boy. Against all odds, opposing his own family and his entire nation, Prince Zuko ended generations of greed and bloodlust and brought peace to the world. Others fought for glory, or for their people, or for their political beliefs, but Zuko fought back against his father because he knew that the truest form of honor is to love humanity enough to always defend it. I consider him a member of my family and, because of that, I would like to give him something on my behalf.”

Zuko looked over to Sokka, panicked, but Sokka just shrugged his shoulders. Bato handed Hakoda a small box, which he brought over to Zuko and Sokka.

“In this box are two bracelets, one for Sokka and one for Zuko. As you all know, it is custom in our village for a father to give his son a bracelet with a Water Tribes emblem along with beads that symbolize particular traits when he comes of age.” He opened the box, withdrew the first bracelet, and held it up for all to see. “This is for my son Sokka. There are three beads on it. The light blue symbolizes his bravery, the silver his trustworthiness, and the gold his love.”

Sokka teared up as Hakoda slipped it on his wrist, tightening it just slightly. They embraced. “Dad, this means the world to me. Thank you.”

Hakoda beamed. “It means so much more to me to have a son worth honoring.”

He stepped over to stand beside Zuko next. “Zuko may not be a natural son of mine, but I have had a bracelet made for him too. He saved my life when he had no good reason to at Boiling Rock and ended the war that would have eventually killed every single one of us here and exterminated our people. He also brings consistent and beautiful joy to Sokka every day as his companion and for that I am forever grateful. Zuko was born into this world without a true paternal figure, but now he knows he will always have a father to rely on any time he needs me.”

Zuko’s shoulders heaved and he wept, making Sokka immediately wrap his arm around his shoulders to console him. “I...I’m sorry,” Zuko choked out. “This is just...a lot to handle suddenly. I’ve always felt so alone and so to be embraced with such love is new to me. Thank you, Hakoda, and all of you for treating me not as an enemy but as a friend.”

Hakoda smiled. “You are my son now, Zuko. You will always be a part of our tribe.” He lifted the bracelet into the air. “On Zuko’s bracelet are three beads. The dark blue is a symbol of his passion, the white his dedication to justice, and the gold his love. He and Sokka share the last color because they are both bound together eternally in it.”

Zuko smiled, with tears running down his face, as Hakoda slipped his bracelet over his hand and tightened it around his wrist. Hakoda wrapped his strong arms around Zuko. _This is how it always was meant to be. As if the stars had written this into the stories of my life and Zuko’s life. There is a divinity to it all, a cosmic poetry._

When the ceremony ended, they enjoyed the feast the men and women of the village had prepared. It filled Sokka with such joy to see Zuko among the people who had been there to see him grow from a baby to the young man he was now, welcomed by the same people who had loved him for so long. It helped, too, to ice off some of the nervousness he was feeling.

_I am confident in what I feel. I am nearly certain Zuko feels the same way about me. My father is already calling him ‘son’ in front of the entire village. So why does the thought of me telling him finally feel so wrong? Or, if not wrong, misguided and false?_

After the feast, the elders gathered the younger members of the tribe around the fire to relate old tales and stories from the past. _I’ve heard all of these more times than I can count._ Sokka looked over to Zuko. “Do you remember the spot where we first met?”

Zuko laughed. “Sadly, yes.”

Sokka smiled. “I need to go retrieve something first, but meet me there in five minutes.”

Zuko nodded, his eyes wide, trying to comprehend Sokka’s meaning. Sokka stood and walked to the icehouse they shared, retrieving the gift he had carefully wrapped, before walking back out into the cold. _Am I actually going to do this? What do I even say?_

He smiled when he saw Zuko standing in front of the reconstructed ice wall. Torches provided plenty of light, but there were no people around save for the Fire Nation boy. Zuko looked at what Sokka held in his gloved hands, then returned the smile once Sokka had reached him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Sokka replied softly.

They just looked at one another for a moment, sharing a knowing gaze that transcended fleeting emotion. _I cannot imagine that I ever lived life without this boy in it before._ Then, Sokka spoke. “I...I didn’t know my dad was going to do that. I’m sorry if it made you nervous.”

Zuko shook his head. “No, not at all. It was unexpected and undeserved but it is one of the kindest and most meaningful things anyone has ever done for me.” He laughed softly. “And we have matching bracelets now, too.”

Sokka held his wrist up beside Zuko’s. “Super cute,” he replied. “Zu, I have something that I really want to talk to you about.”

“Me too,” Zuko interjected quickly. _If he’s not anxious from the bracelet ceremony, why is he?_ “But you first.”

Sokka nodded, trying to work up the courage to give Zuko his gift. He took off his gloves to handle it better. “I made this for you.”

Zuko’s mouth dropped after taking the wrapped present in his now uncovered hands. “Sokka...you shouldn’t have gone to any trouble for me. It’s not even my birthday.”

Sokka smiled. “It’s very special and important to me that you have it. Open it.”

Zuko carefully peeled back the paper and gasped aloud when he saw it, his eyes opening nearly as wide as possible. “Oh, Sokka…” It was a painting of the first moment they had arrived at the Southern Water Tribe, right after Sokka had braided Zuko’s hair. _That moment I allowed myself to look at him for as long as I wanted with no shame and no attempt to hide it._ “You captured all the colors of the sunset so perfectly. The way the ice floated in the water, the crimson of my coat, even the delicate waves, you found a way to capture it all.”

“Most importantly, I found a way to represent you in all the ways you mean to me,” Sokka said. Zuko looked up from the painting and his eyes met Sokka’s own in shared passion. _The gold in them glitters so beautifully when his internal light shines brightest._

“I...I have something for you too,” Zuko said, carefully placing the painting on a table nearby. “I had planned to give it to you this evening after the celebration but…”

Sokka laid his hand on Zuko’s arm. “I’m sorry to ruin what you were planning.”

Zuko shook his head. “No! It’s wonderful we are sharing gifts.” He reached into his satchel and pulled out his notebook. _He has been writing in there for a long time now, always looking frustrated over what he’s written._ “When we were on Kyoshi Island, I borrowed some books of poetry to read. It brought back so many beautiful memories of my mother and I reading poetry together. We hid it from my father so he never knew. When I got older, I always felt as if it was too emotional and weak to write, but now I’m recapturing my love for it. And I’ve written a very special one for you.”

Sokka felt tears already flood into his eyes. _He wrote a poem for me?_ “Do I even want to know how dorky it is?” he asked, joking.

Zuko rolled his eyes. “It’s dorky but it’s for a very dorky boy so it fits.” He began to read the poem aloud.

"Wolves and dragons are not meant to love one another, they say,

Both fiercely defensive, bold, and strong

The world would have you believe that the two are doomed to consume one another in hatred and strife,

as incompatible as ice and fire.

We are no strangers to proving false the world’s assumptions.

Ice and fire can be bound together as one when the veil is lifted.

The spark within ice staves off conformity and easy contentedness,

While the ice within even the warmest flame tempers it and protects it from burning too fast and too bright.

There are two sides to everything, meaning there is no singular universal truth.

The more I learn from you about what it means to be a wolf, the more I see our commonality.

The same dedications and passions rule our hearts, the same love is shared.

Love that, despite everything proclaimed as truth, flourishes between us and unites us in eternal devotion and peace."

When Zuko had finished, they both had tears in their eyes and stared longingly at one another. Sokka brought his hands together and worked them against one another. “Zu...I don’t even know what to say.”

The boy in red closed the gap between them and placed a finger against Sokka’s lips. “Hush, my wolf. Let’s just be who we are.”

Zuko moved his hand from Sokka’s mouth to his cheek, stroking his thumb gently along the smooth skin, finally touching those freckles that contained all the silent promises they made to one another. Sokka ran his hand up into Zuko’s hair above the braid at his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin and the softness of his hair all at once.

Sokka leaned in slowly, taking his time to savor this moment. With a flash that sent his chest into the wildest burning he had ever felt, he pressed his lips against Zuko’s, soft skin fitting together with the gentlest ease. Zuko very passionately reciprocated, easing open Sokka’s mouth to feel the warmth of him in all his flawlessly sculpted pleasure. 

When they pulled away, both looked overwhelmed by the sheer thrill and tenderness they had shared. Zuko looked at Sokka with love and care pouring from his eyes. Sokka returned the gaze with his own, adoring and admiring Zuko in all of his perfection.

_Our love is real. It’s always been real._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a treasure to write and I hope it lives up to expectations. Like Sokka and Zuko's love, I think the rest is best left unsaid.
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this story and sharing with me your time and energy. I adore you all. Please come say hello on Twitter and Tumblr, I'm the same handle (@nassemstormborn) on both.


	15. Azula Alone (AZULA)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Azula has a reckoning. (AZULA POV, all italics are Azula's thoughts)
> 
> CW: graphic depictions of violence

She collapsed a few hours after the sun cracked its light over the horizon the next morning.

Azula woke with a gasp, shooting forward to find herself in an unfamiliar bed. The room around her was strange, with shelves full of well-worn books, a sword that hung high on the wall, a desk covered in seemingly unorganized stacks of papers, and a few balls that looked to be a child’s playthings scattered around. 

_ This is someone’s bedroom. I need to get out of here before they return and cut my throat.  _ She threw her legs over the side of the bed, placed weight on them, and promptly fell to the ground. After so many hours of running, she had little feeling left in them, totally exhausted from the strain. Azula tried to lift herself again but her knees wobbled and she slammed into the hardwood again.  _ Stop falling, you weak, worthless bitch. _

“You need to rest,” a voice said from the darkness of the other side of the room.

Azula’s head lifted to look toward the sound. “Who are you to tell me what I need? Whoever you are. Why am I here?”

Light footsteps preceded the source of the voice. Azula looked up to see a woman standing over her, long crimson silk robes hanging from her thin body like drapes. Much to Azula’s surprise, the woman, who looked to have been in her early 50s, met her with a warm smile. “You need to rest. We will speak later.”

_ I will not be tricked into being vulnerable again.  _ She tried to stand but once again her legs shook violently with any weight placed on them. The woman wrapped her arms around Azula’s arm and lifted her up into the bed, Azula shoving her arms away immediately after. “I don’t need your help.”

“You need to rest,” the woman reiterated again. “I promise I will be here when you wake again.”

As much as Azula wanted to fight it, the warmth of the bed soothed her exhausted body and she quickly drifted off back to sleep.

* * *

The next time she woke, it was a calmer affair. The room was empty now, which gave Azula more confidence to try to figure out where she was. She stood, her legs still wobbly but strong enough to hold up her weight now, and walked over to the window. The orange glow of the setting sun shone through, casting a haze upon her face.

From the window’s perspective she could see she was in a relatively large building, smaller than the institution of course but larger than a home. The main road ran past the entrance. She saw a few small figures moving in the yard and when she squinted she realized they were girls.  _ No school this far out would be this big.  _

She turned and saw a fresh set of robes carefully folded in a chair. They weren’t nearly as fine as those Mai had given her, but after running and sleeping in those the new set were less wrinkled and dirty. She held up the robes by the shoulders, admiring the white silk trimmed with gold.  _ I’ve always dressed in red, except when duty required otherwise. It feels unnatural to don white now.  _ She did anyway, then pulled her hair back into a ponytail.  _ Time to figure out where I am and why. _

She opened the door and stepped into the hallway. A group of three girls no older than eight or nine turned their heads to look at her in the way only children could. She furrowed her brow, attempting to decipher exactly what they were thinking.  _ The thoughts and wishes of government officials and sycophants and soldiers have always been perfectly perceptible to me. Children are a mystery.  _ She realized they looked upon her not with malice or judgment but pity.  _ The worst thing imaginable. _

She stormed by them, knocking into the girl on the right, which made her whimper. Azula looked back and saw the girl’s innocent eyes full of hurt and shock, which felt like the cut of a knife.  _ I must not show weakness. _

Leaving the girl in her wake, Azula walked slowly down the set of stairs. There were at least a dozen children all at play in the large room the stairs landed in. Off to the side stood the woman Azula had already met, conversing with a Fire Nation soldier.  _ By the look of his uniform he is a commander. _

Azula walked toward them, trying to stay out of the path of children aimlessly running around in random paths. The woman saw Azula and smiled. “You will have what you asked for,” she said to the commander,

The commander, a middle -aged man with a thin mustache and broad shoulders, nodded but his eyes were still flinty. “I trust that you understand what will happen otherwise.”

The woman took in a deep breath and nodded. “Yes. Now go, please.”

He bowed to her, then to Azula, and left the main room and out through the front door. The woman closed her eyes and placed her hand over them.  _ Why is she so...sorrowful? _ A moment later, she opened her eyes again and smiled softly at Azula. “Hello. I’m sorry for that.”

“It doesn’t concern me. Where am I?” Azula asked abruptly.

“Would you walk with me? I will tell you all you want to know, just not in front of the children.”

Azula sighed. “Fine.”

The woman led Azula out the front door and into the pastoral landscape that surrounded the building, all coated in the palpably golden rays of late afternoon. “You are feeling better than you were this morning, I take it?”

“Yes,” Azula replied.

The woman brought her to a spot under a great oak tree, the leaves rattling above with each gust of wind. She sat down at the base of the tree, patting the spot next to her for Azula to join her. From this place Azula could look out on rolling hills of tall grass swaying in the breeze, mountains framing the horizon in the distance.

“Where am I?” Azula asked again.

The woman looked over at her, eyes full of interest.  _ She has more vitality than most I’ve met, like she has a purpose to wake up for each day.  _ “This is the orphanage for this province. A home for children either without parents or abandoned by them.”

“Why am I here?”

The woman laughed. “One of my aides found you passed out on the side of the road and brought you here to recuperate. You’re lucky she found you rather than thieves or soldiers, if you can even tell the difference anymore.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Mariko. I am the headmaster of this orphanage, although that is not a title I particularly like. You will hear the children call me ‘mother’ but in truth I have no natural children.”

Azula looked out to the horizon again.  _ Brought to an orphanage and tended to by a woman with adopted children. Agni always finds a way to taunt me even in the oddest ways.  _

Mariko touched Azula’s arm, making the latter flinch, but Mariko tried again and Azula relented. “It’s your turn now. Although I already happen to know who you are, Princess Azula.”

Azula looked at her wide-eyed. “How do you know my name?”

“I know quite a bit more than one would presume of a woman like me. The last that anyone knew you were locked away in some institution, which I presume your brother thought may help you.”

Azula laughed. “I think more he hoped I would kill myself there and spare him the trouble.”

Mariko shook her head. “That would seem at odds with every story I have heard of Zuko.”

“I do not wish to speak of my brother. How do you know who I am?”

Mariko smiled again, her eyes filling with a strange warmth Azula was unfamiliar seeing directed toward her. “Does that really matter? I’m more interested in why you were out cold on the side of the road?”

_ This woman must want something from me.  _ “I don’t have any money. I don’t have any power, not anymore. So either use me however you wish or let me go.”

Mariko looked horrified. “Why...I would never try to trick you or use you. You’re here because you needed help. And if you want, you can stay here for as long as you like.”

“No, I will not be doing that.”

“This is a safe place for you, Azula. And after what happened in Hira’a you need a place to stay hidden for a while.”

“How do you know what happened in Hira’a?” Azula asked, her voice betraying her shock.

“Story has traveled already. Ambassador Mai says it was an accident what happened with the fire, and it was extinguished before it could do too much damage, but I would imagine the Fire Lord will not tolerate you being at large after that.”

_ She doesn’t seem like the type interested in power. It’s insane for me to stay but I...I cannot go back to Hira’a. And Iroh will kill me if I go back to the capital. I need time, time to figure out a plan, and here I can do that.  _ “If you would have me, I will stay and help you however I can.”

Mariko smiled. “The children could use a big sister and I could use a friend.”

Azula scoffed. “I said I would stay, not play babysitter for you. I hate children.”

“You are a child yourself, my princess,” Mariko said, making Azula wince.  _ She dares speak to me like a mother.  _ “But you may do whatever you like.”

* * *

Azula took to the orphanage like a caged polar bear dog.

At first, she just wanted to remain alone, sulking in the small room next to Mariko’s quarters with a simple bed and a window that looked out toward the rolling hills of tall grass. The second day, though, Mariko encouraged her to go outside and, even if she wished not to speak to them, at least to be near the orphaned children for company.

So she did, at first just sitting on the lawn watching the children play made-up games or follow the lessons Mariko instructed them on as their teacher.  _ They all call her ‘Mother’ without second thought. How does that come so naturally to them? _

On the third day, Azula saw two of the children whispering to a third. The girl slowly walked over to the princess, eyeing her suspiciously. Azula, for her part, maintained an unmoving visage. “Hello,” the girl with pigtails said, smiling slightly.

“Greetings,” Azula replied, turning her head slowly to meet her gaze. The girl just kept watching her the way children do, with an empty but curious look in their eyes. “May I help you?” Azula asked, confused by why she still stood over her.

“Do you want to play a game with us?” the little girl asked.

Azula laughed. “No.”

“Why are you sitting alone?”

“I like being alone.”

The girl cocked her head. “I don’t like being alone.”

_ Okay?  _ “I don’t recall asking what you like,” Azula replied disdainfully.

After that retort, the girl went back to her friends. But when they began kicking the ball around in a triangle Azula saw her still watching her. Finally, the girl kicked the ball just a little too hard and it rolled over to the princess.  _ That wasn’t subtle at all. _

Azula stood and picked up the ball. “I’m sorry!” the young girl called out.

“Nothing to be concerned about,” Azula replied. 

The boy with messy black hair smiled at her.  _ That hair looks like how Zuko wore his once.  _ “Why don’t you play ball with us for a little while?”

Azula shook her head. “No. The three of you seem to be enjoying yourselves as is.”

The third girl with light brown hair, seemingly slightly older than the other two, laughed. “Three is great, but there is always room for a fourth. Here, kick it to me.”

_ I have been bored to tears anyway. Can’t hurt to do something.  _ “Alright,” the princess sighed, placing the ball on the ground. She kicked the ball with the toe of her boot, sending it rolling right toward the girl.

“Good job!” the brown haired girl said. “My name is Saori, by the way.” Azula nodded, watching Saori kick the ball to the black haired boy. “What’s your name?”

_ I cannot tell them my real name.  _ “I am called...Rina.”  _ That was random. Why is that name somehow familiar?  _

“Nice to meet you, Rina!” the black-haired boy shouted with a smile. “I’m Kenji.” He kicked the ball toward the last, the one who had spoken to Azula first.

“My name is Natsuko. Now here Rina, the ball is back to you,” she said, before kicking the ball straight toward Azula.

The princess effortlessly stopped the ball with her boot. “How old are each of you?”

Natsuko was nine, Kenji ten, and Saori twelve. When Azula told them she was fifteen, they were shocked. “You seem older than that for some reason.”

_ I’ve always felt older than my age.  _ Azula sighed. “Looks can be deceiving.”

The three children spoke amongst themselves about whatever usual conversations they had daily but continued to include Rina in on their slow-paced game.  _ This is growing old quickly.  _ She soon had an idea on how to make things more exciting.

“Hey, do you want to try a game I made up?” Azula said, her smile betraying her inner excitement.

Kenji beamed. “Yes, please!” Saori and Natsuko joined him in agreement by nodding. 

“Okay. Kenji, go find four of your other little friends,” she began, making him run off to find them. “Natsuko, you go stand by that tree on the right. Saori, you stand by the tree on the left.”

They did as Azula instructed and soon after Kenji returned with two girls and two boys, one of each going to Azula and Kenji’s teams. “This game is simple. My team and Kenji’s team will compete for control of the ball. The goal is to get the ball past the defender and strike the tree. The first team to strike their tree three times wins.”

_ This is what you do with children, right? Play games? That is what Mai, Ty Lee, Zuko, and I used to do.  _ She placed the ball in the center between she and Kenji. Counting down from three, two, beginning on one. Azula immediately kicked the ball to the left and ran with it, kicking it toward the boy on her team when one of the other team’s members stood in her way.  _ They’re just children. If I’m too rough they’ll cry and whine. _

She ran out ahead and the boy passed the ball back toward her. Barreling toward Natsuko, she prepared to kick the ball straight for the tree. To her surprise, when she beamed it at the tree, Natsuko deflected it with her foot. Azula groaned loudly. “I should have had that!”

Natsuko laughed. “It’s just a game, Rina. Maybe next time I’ll miss it and you’ll score.”  _ Or perhaps next time I won’t go easy, little girl. _

They reset the ball. This time, it was Kenji who took possession first. Azula ran out ahead to get in front of the ball, but Kenji and his teammates communicated while passing and kept it moving around Azula’s teammates.  _ Absolutely useless. Basically just a 3 on 1 game. _ The girl on Kenji’s team passed the ball to him and he swiftly kicked it straight past Saori to hit the tree. 

_ Damn this!  _ Kenji and his team cheered and even Saori laughed and congratulated him on scoring.  _ I will not be bested by a snot-nosed ten year old. _

The ball was reset and Azula immediately took possession, kicking it far out to the right in open space and sprinted to catch back up with it. “I have this!” she yelled when the boy on her team urged her to pass it. The girl on Kenji’s team came out in front of her to defend but Azula shoulder-checked her to the ground, eliciting a whine of shock from the girl.  _ No one will get in my way. _

Azula barrelled toward the goal with the ball. Natsuko, her face frozen in what resembled fear, threw herself to the side out of the way. With a swift jerk, Azula sent the ball flying at high speed toward the tree.  _ That was way too easy.  _ The ball struck the tree’s trunk. A loud crack emanated from it and the tree practically groaned, the branches and leaves shaking wildly. Natsuko, directly under it, whimpered in fear. 

A large tree branch broke off and fell like a boulder right beside the shrieking Natsuko. “Someone find Mother,” Azula heard one of the children yell. On instinct, Azula ran to Natsuko.

“Are you hurt?” Azula asked, kneeling beside the girl.

Natsuko, eyes full of fear looking at the princess, shook her head.  _ That look is too familiar. I need to push it away. _

Azula, forcing herself to slip back on the veil, stood back up and laughed. “Get up then and stop complaining, you baby.” That only managed to make Natsuko sob. “You are pathetic, it’s just a game,” Azula added.

“Yes, it is just a game. And you are putting my children in danger because of it,” Mariko said behind her. The headmistress knelt down beside Natsuko, telling her that everything was okay and that she had nothing to fear anymore, which brought the girl down from her emotional shock.

“I scored that goal, that’s what matters,” Azula said, crossing her arms.

“And you were willing to put a child at risk to do it,” Mariko replied, her voice strained.

_ Another mother who believes me to be a monster.  _ “Fine. I’ll leave.”

Mariko sighed. “No, you will return to your room. We will talk later.”

_ What gives her the right to dismiss me like that?  _ “I make my own decisions.”

“Where will you go? You need to calm down. Go to your room,” Mariko repeated, her voice stern but she did not shout or scream.

“Fine!” Azula yelled, storming off back toward the orphanage. She spent hours in her room while she waited for Mariko.  _ Waiting me out, expecting me to regret everything I did and apologize like a good little girl. I do not think so.  _ Even so, Natsuko’s tiny, fear-stricken face continued to haunt her thoughts. Thoughts that, when reminded, wandered to the memory of another frightened little girl who used to look at her own reflection in the ponds of the water garden.

Before she could descend down that rabbit hole too far, there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” Azula said.

Mariko opened the door slowly and smiled softly at Azula. “Can we talk now?” Azula simply nodded in response. Mariko closed the door behind her and sat down on the bed next to the princess. Mariko pressed her hand into the thin, lumpy mattress and looked pained. “I’m sorry for this bed, it’s not comfortable at all nor one fit for a princess.”

Azula shrugged. “I don’t care, really. I don’t sleep much anyway.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

Mariko sighed. “There has to be a reason why you don’t want to.”

_ Because, when I close my eyes, all I hear are screams and all I see are frightened faces.  _ “My sleeping habits are not what you’ve come to speak to me about. Say what you wish to say.”

“This is not going to be something you want to hear, but I need to say it anyway. I do not know you, Princess, but I do know children. And I know when I see one in pain, tortured by horrible things done to them, robbed of love and joy, hollowed out into empty shells.”

_ Judgment from this peasant is the last thing I need.  _ “How dare you…”

Mariko lifted a finger into the air. “Excuse me, I’m speaking. When I am speaking, you will listen.” 

_ No one tells me when to be silent. Doesn’t she know who I am? I am Princess Azula, the rightful Fire Lord of the Fire Nation, daughter of Phoenix King Ozai. But, in this room, with this woman, I don’t think that matters at all.  _ So Azula stopped speaking and listened.

Mariko smiled softly. “Thank you. All I mean is that years of being in the position I am here has leant me a unique perspective. I understand you are familiar now with Saori, Kenji, and Natsuko?”

Azula nodded. “Yes.”

“Saori, though she is one of the older girls, is still so terribly haunted by her life before coming here. When she was eight, she returned from market to find her mother and father dead, throats cut by bandits who stole her mother’s jewelry. She cleaned up the blood that had pooled before alerting guards because she wanted to ensure their honor was intact.” Mariko’s voice cracked in sorrow. “What a world in which we live where a child must see and do such things.”

“Kenji, bless his poor heart, tries to be strong but breaks down more often to me than anyone would know. His father was killed in the invasion and his mother vanished without a trace not long after. He survived on berries and plants from the forest for food, enduring hot days and freezing nights to survive. He is only here because a stranger happened upon him and brought him here to recover and live. He is a pleasant boy now, but for a very long time he seemed callous and unfeeling, afraid to show weakness.”

_ So much pain for children to bear.  _ Azula gritted her teeth imagining the suffering Saori and Kenji bear, trying not to show her feelings of sympathy to Mariko but also unable to stuff them down under the usual veil of indifference she affected. “What...what about Natsuko?” she asked, her voice slightly raspy from the raw emotion.

Mariko wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh...Natsuko is a very remarkable girl for even being here with us at all still. I don’t think you want to know what she has endured.”

Azula cleared her throat, then looked directly into Mariko’s eyes. “Why do you tell me this, then? To make me feel as if the agony that crushes my mind matters not at all?” Her eyes widened when she realized what she had said.  _ No one knows that and yet I tell this headmistress? This nobody? _

“No,” Mariko says, her cheeks now flush, voice hoarse. “It’s the opposite, my princess. I want you to see that you are not alone in your pain.” Azula felt that pang of guilt, fear, and anguish in her head and heart return, squeezing her like a fist could crush a moon peach. “The world does not need you to be anything but who you are, my princess. It’s not isolating, or weak, or shameful to know trauma and grief.”

“My...experiences...have always made me stronger,” Azula said, still uncertain why she was opening up to this woman out of anyone. “It has fueled my fire and given me clarity to learn to prevent pain from coming to me again.”

“It also clouded your judgment and forced you to do things no child should do, especially not for a cause like your father’s. Nothing in this world unites all of humanity like pain, Azula. We all feel it and it is a determinant factor in how we live our lives and interact with other people.”

Azula touched her fingers to her right cheek. “So what, then? We are all doomed to suffer in our minds forever?”

Mariko placed her hand gently on Azula’s shoulder. “No, my princess. Pain does define humanity, but so too does love. Love is what heals trauma, what removes the shackles we wear and the burdens we bear, and what makes life worth living at all. I told you of what brought Saori and Kenji here not because I wanted to belittle your suffering but because I wanted to affirm it, to connect you to them. It’s in that commonality you may find the love and healing you need.”

Azula shook her shoulders in a sudden twitch, overcome with raw emotion. “I have caused too much pain to ever be loved.”

Mariko laughed.  _ Now she mocks me.  _ “You are fifteen years old, Azula. You must have some mercy for yourself. You cannot undo those things you regret, even if you want me to believe you regret nothing. Any gaze into your eyes makes clear you hate how you treated your brother, your friends, and even strangers in the world. You can atone for the things you’ve done and that is enough.”

Azula felt weak, overcome by the first true display of affection toward her she could remember in her life. She leaned against Mariko’s arm and, not long after, felt the weight of emotion drag her into sleep.

* * *

Azula found herself in the water gardens of the palace. Everything was blurry, seemingly shapeless and fluid. She looked down and saw she was small again. Her body was drawn to the pond before her like a deer to a bush of ripe blackberries, her limbs out of her conscious control. She fell to her knees and looked into the water, only to find no reflection there at all.

Two figures swiftly appeared on each side of her without any forewarning. She looked up to see Ursa on the left and Ozai on the right.

“Azula, my love, come back to me,” Ursa said in a soft whisper. “Things do not need to be the way they are.”

“The world is not meant for the weak,” Ozai proclaimed, his voice strong and deep. “Dragons inherit the world, inherit my world. You must be a dragon or you must die, daughter.”

Azula felt palpable rage and pain pounding in her mind. In the water, ethereal dragons chased one another in the air furiously. The black dragon pursued the white dragon, flames of blue rushing out of its mouth. In the bottom of the water portrait, a version of the Fire Nation Capital was engulfed in fire, homes and trees and ships all ablaze. In her ears rang the screams of the horrified, dead, and dying.

Azula felt her body tremble wildly. She felt a hand lay on her left shoulder. “You are loved, Azula. I love you and your brother more than anything else in this world,” Ursa spoke, her voice still soft as silk.

“You are a true dragon. Be the dragon,” Ozai commanded. “All you have done will mean nothing if you do not take that final step. Burn the weak and you will rule, safe and fulfilled, on your throne.”

Azula felt the pressure in her head build and build before she threw it back and screamed, her voice full of raw agony. The wails made the courtyard walls explode with their power, debris scattering across the gardens. When she brought her head back down and cried, she realized she held a dagger in her hand.

“Throw that away,” Ursa advised, desperate.

“Use it. Kill her forever,” Ozai commanded, meaning Ursa. “There is no true safety without it.”

Azula, in her fury, finally realized the truth.  _ The weakness here is me. It always has been me. I cannot be perfect. _

She turned the knife around and stabbed it deep and true into her heart. The last sounds she heard were Ursa’s screams and Ozai’s laughter. She fell into the dragon scene on the surface of the water and, as she plunge into the water, she awoke in her bed.

She did not cry like from other nightmares, nor did she scream. She simply wrapped her arms around her chest and held herself, trying to calm her intact heart. She remembered Mariko’s words and held them close to her.  _ ‘Nothing in this world unites all of humanity like pain.’ _

“I am not perfect,” Azula whispered to herself, like a prayer lifted to Agni. “I do not have to be.” She continued to hold herself here, awake and with new-found clarity, until the apricot rays of the early morning’s sun shattered the darkness.

* * *

The next day, Azula washed and dressed, then stood long looking out her window toward the field of shimmering tall grass, which swayed back and forth in the breeze. She turned away from the window and began to walk to her door, only to stop when she realized her hair still laid down.

Rather than the easy ponytail she had donned from the first days at the institution, she instead sat and took the time to plait her hair in one long braid.  _ I’ve never worn it this way before. A first time for everything. _

When she was done, she left the room, walked down the stairs to the main hall, and went out the front door. She adored how the warm golden rays felt on her skin, how the grass felt under her bare feet, and how the wind felt tingling the sides of her neck. She went to the usual area where the children played and stood off to the side, looking for Saori, Kenji, and Natsuko. She saw them tossing a ball to one another beside a tree on her left.

When she came near them, Kenji gasped and the ball fumbled, rolling away. “Greetings,” Azula said, trying her best to be warm. “Do not be afraid.”

Natsuko backed away from her, fear-filled eyes looking upon Azula.  _ Why must kindness be so hard?  _ Azula knelt down in front of them. Saori, the oldest and bravest, stepped up. “Hello, Rina. What do you want?”

Azula looked down at the grass for a moment, before lifting her eyes again to the children. “I want you to know that I...regret what happened yesterday.” She saw their faces did not change from fear and confusion.  _ That is not good enough. Keep trying.  _ “I regret what I did yesterday.”

“You could have hurt Natsuko,” Saori spoke, strong and confident. “You are not a very nice person.” 

_ A child’s blunt honesty is the purest thing in the world.  _ Azula sighed. “No, I am not. I am...sorry...for that,” she said, the apology painful to offer. “But I am trying to be better to myself and to other people.”

Kenji stepped forward. “I forgive you, Rina. It’s easy to get carried away in a game.” Azula smiled softly at him.

“As long as you won’t do it again, we can move on,” Saori said, nodding. Azula nodded back.

Natsuko looked down at the ground, refusing to meet Azula’s gaze. “I know you may not forgive me and that is okay, Natsuko,” Azula said. When the girl did not respond, Azula stood.  _ At least I tried.  _ Before she could walk away, though, Natsuko ran toward her and wrapped her legs and waist in a hug. Azula felt odd, not uncomfortable but a totally new feeling. She, Saori, and Kenji laughed.

“I like you,” Natsuko said, looking up at Azula. “Even if you almost crushed me. You’re cool.”

Azula laughed from deep in her chest, a cathartic sort of expression that few ever saw. “I am most certainly not ‘cool’ but I like you, too.”

Saori chimed in. “Would you want to play with us again?”

Azula nodded. “If you trust me, I would.”

Kenji picked up the ball and tossed it to her. “There’s no way you’ll beat me, but you can try anyway if you want,” he said, smiling.

Azula cocked an eyebrow. “Let’s go, then, and see what you are made of.”

* * *

From that moment on, Azula adored the children at the orphanage. Growing close to Saori, Kenji, and Natsuko first, she later became familiar with the others too. She struggled to remember each of their names at first, better at recalling faces and personalities, but kept trying.  _ I don’t really know how you’re supposed to be with kids. Or maybe with people at all if I’m not commanding them. _

Four days after the incident, Azula had stumbled upon Mariko in her quarters, hoping to talk about ordering something to be bought for her at the market considering she could not be out in public. Mariko looked over her papers and sighed loudly, obviously stressed about something. Azula knocked on the doorframe to let Mariko know she was there.

The woman turned her head and smiled softly. “Hello, my princess. What can I do for you?”

_ It hardly seems appropriate to ask for fruit now.  _ “I just...wanted to see if I could help you with anything.”

“That is very kind, but no. Unless you can hide this place away from all the world.”

Azula sat down in a chair across from Mariko. “Why do you say that?”

Mariko looked long at Azula, seemingly trying to decide whether or not to tell her. She sighed. “I just wish people would leave my children alone. They have been through so much torment in their lives already.”

“Who are you afraid of?” Azula asked, her voice strong.

“I don’t want you involved in this, my princess. You must remain hidden so no one hurts you, either.”

“No one can hurt me. Tell me what troubles you.”

Mariko tapped on her desk with her index finger repeatedly, lost in thought. “The Avatar Festival is soon, but it is developing in ways I never expected, least of all from Fire Lord Iroh. I thought it was supposed to celebrate the peace we enjoy now, but I have learned that soldiers are marching to the capital to participate.”

_ That is very odd for Iroh, especially with his wise old peace-loving sage persona.  _ “Why does that trouble you, though. We are far from the capital.”

“For a long time, commanders have attempted to coerce me into giving over my older children to them to be inducted into the army. They promise them that they will never be without a home again, never hungry again, never alone again. But these promises turn into ashes when boys die for the glory of the Fire Nation.”

_ I’ve seen enough death in my life to know she speaks true.  _ “Why are you worried now, though? None of your children are old enough to join those marching, nor are they trained in war.”

“I do not know anything, but I think these soldiers are planning something outside of their official orders. They want my oldest children, boys and girls, this time. That tells me they need them not to be soldiers but scullery maids and cooks and general caretakers of the forts while the soldiers are in the capital. They aren’t just asking anymore, either.”

Azula tried to make sense of this, thinking back to when she saw that commander speaking with Mariko on her first day here.  _ These children are just pawns in the larger game played here. Iroh would never approve of large forces in his capital unless he believed he had no other choice. Someone planned this, planned to ensure thousands of soldiers occupied the capital during the massive festival under the pretenses of ‘peace.’ There is only one reason why that would be. _

“No harm will come to you or your children,” Azula declared. “I promise you that.”

Mariko shook her head. “My princess, I appreciate your care, but this is not your fight. There are warrants out for your arrest.”

Azula rolled her eyes. “Let them try.” She stood up. “Survival is my specialty.”

* * *

The time for trying came a few days later, exactly one week after Azula had been brought to the orphanage. The children were out playing in the yard as usual, Azula entertaining one girl with a bruised knee with a blue fire display to distract her from the pain. Suddenly, one of the boys ran from the right, out of breath. “Soldiers. They’re marching toward the orphanage!”

Azula immediately fell to her feet. “Children,” she declared, commanding their attention. “Go inside and do not come out until you are told you may.”

They listened and went to the front door together, beckoned inside by Mariko. She saw Saori, Kenji, and Natsuko in the group and smiled. Once the children were inside, Mariko stepped across the threshold and closed the door.

“Do not put yourself at risk, my princess. You are too important.”

Azula reached out and placed her hand on Mariko’s arm. “No. You showed me that pain is universal. And even if I don’t believe you about love or healing, I don’t want these children to suffer anymore. I can protect this place.”

Sadness painted Mariko’s face in blue, regret and fear palpable in her eyes. “Be careful.” Azula nodded and turned before the headmistress interjected again. “Remember that you are loved.”

_ I may not be worthy of that love, but these children are.  _ She took off, running around to the back of the orphanage. She scaled the wall, pulling herself up by windowsills until she could heft herself onto the roof.  _ I need a vantage point. _

She pulled the hood on the white and gold robes Mariko had given her on the first day up over her head and walked slowly to the front of the building. Looking out, she could see two orderly lines of soldiers marching toward them.  _ Six is all. They are not expecting a dragon. _

The soldiers came into the front courtyard and stood at attention behind the commander. Azula watched them all carefully, trying to pinpoint possible weaknesses. The commander stepped forward and pounded his fist against the door. “This is Commander Keishi. Open this door now.”

A moment later, Azula heard Mariko’s voice below. “Good afternoon, commander. How may I help you?”

“I am here to claim five of the orphans here as we discussed. Where are they?”

“We did not discuss anything. You ordered. As far as I am aware, I am not under your command and so I disregarded the order.”

The commander laughed sardonically. “Do you find yourself funny? Bring me the children.”

Azula felt rage flow through her body. She knew this was her time to stretch her wings and fly.

“One moment,” Mariko said. As soon as Azula heard the door close, she took a deep breath and jumped off the rooftop, plunging through the air. She used hot, intense bursts of blue flame from each hand to slow her descent. After she landed, she shot a streak of blue fire above the soldiers in a flourish.

The commander stumbled backwards and the soldiers gasped in fear. “Who are you?” the commander asked, his voice full of fear but also indignation.

Azula lifted her head and let the hood fall to her shoulders. “I am Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, daughter of Phoenix King Ozai and Ursa. You will leave this place immediately.”

The commander’s eyes widened and he fell to his knees. “Princess Azula? We have been searching for you.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Here I am.”

“No, not because of the warrants. The..the Fire Sages commanded us to find you.”

_ The Fire Sages? What do they want with me?  _ “There is nothing between us. These children are to be left alone. Leave.”

The commander, angered at being dismissed, stood rigidly again. “You are nothing but a failure. Weak. Ozai should have exiled you like he did his weak son.”

Though enraged, Azula felt more in control now of her mind and body than she had since Sozin’s Comet. She threw out her arm and shot a bolt of lightning directly at the commander, striking him in the chest. He flew backward, straight into the rows of soldiers, and landed with a hard thud.

Azula stepped forward and looked at each of the soldiers in the eye. “There is no honor serving a man like this. He asks you to steal away children to become your servants? Throw down your arms and leave this place at once.”

One by one, the soldiers tossed their swords aside and walked away, frightened enough to come to clarity about their own complicity in this evil. Azula stood over the commander, who choked up blood. A steaming hole in his chest was obvious even through his armor. “Your evil has no place in this world any longer. If you survive this, go home to your own family and hope no men come to steal them from you too.”

She turned to bid farewell to Mariko. She knew she could remain here no longer now. She not only needed to deal with the problem of her mother but also uncover why the Fire Sages had any command of any part of the army and why they had ordered soldiers to find her.

“Just like your mother, brother, and uncle,” the commander spit out. Azula turned to hear him. “Your father honored me at his palace once, along with other commanders. He showed me what honor and glory meant. You have brought his legacy neither, only shame.”

With every ounce of her being, Azula wanted to kill him in the most painful way possible. She wanted him to suffer. But, she remembered then that the children likely were watching, wide-eyed at the display of power from the strange girl who had shown up one day at their home.  _ Pain connects us all.  _

She simply shook her head and walked away, not back to the orphanage but on the road.  _ Someone will come and find him and take him to be healed, if he can be. Or Mariko will summon a doctor she knows.  _ It didn’t matter, really. He would never hold a command again, which meant the children were safe.

The sun was beginning to set in front of her as she walked, following the road. Bathed in a baptism of tangerine and crimson light, she felt remade, new, rededicated.  _ My strength is back. I know what I must do now. _

She looked back, just for a moment, to watch the tall grass dance in the fields beyond the orphanage, then looked forward again and continued on her path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers! It's been much longer than usual since I've posted a chapter. I apologize for that. I had quite a few personal issues going on as well as it being the holidays. And writing this chapter tortured me to hell and back. In any case, I will be back updating twice a week from now on!
> 
> The best thing I can say to sum up the writing process on this chapter is that I ran out of synonyms for 'pain.' Long story short, it was a bad time. It's much longer than usual chapters and much more violent, especially at the end, than I have dared to be so far but I think it was necessary. To me, this chapter either works or it doesn't and I've fretted about it too long to tell the difference anymore. I hope it is worthy in the fic and fulfills the expectations you have.
> 
> This is also just the first in many Azula POVs to come. The next chapter, though, will take us back to our favorite boys. I'm super excited for where I have their adventure leading them next, as well as how their romance blooms now that they have kissed! Thank you, as always, for reading and being patient with me. I love you all dearly!


	16. Diadems of Flowers and Stars (ZUKO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sokka and Zuko travel to Gaoling to visit Toph and end up on a date instead (ZUKO POV, all italics are Zuko's thoughts)

As he lay in the top bunk in a cabin of a new ship drawing them toward Gaoling, Zuko felt a bizarre mix of hopeful and despondent.

They had left the Southern Water Tribe village a few days ago now, the evening after the feast. Sokka had cried leaving Hakoda, Bato, and his people again, but Zuko had promised that once they returned to the Fire Nation Capital that Hakoda could come visit under the pretense of cultural rapprochement. Zuko, for the first time in his life, understood what Sokka felt.  _ Before I believed I could pass through this world like wind, missing no one, needing no one. But now I know that death would be preferable to being without Sokka. _

Sokka. Zuko blushed and smiled helplessly thinking about that kiss.  _ There is something poetic about that spot where we once met as something akin to enemies being the same place where our love blossomed.  _ For all the elation he felt, Zuko still could not help also feeling confused. Sokka had become much quieter than usual, something Zuko attributed to his sadness over leaving home, but it had carried over even into the days aboard the ship. 

As he laid there, he felt cold and disconnected. He wanted to hold Sokka’s hand. He wanted to feel Sokka’s warm body pressed against his, his scent of cinnamon and vanilla intoxicating him. He wanted to kiss him again, deeper and longer this time and not only on the lips but all over his beautiful skin. Perhaps he even wanted more than that, to become a part of Sokka and have Sokka become a part of him. Instead, as he had done for every day he had drawn breath prior (even while he was with Mai), he held himself, paltry compensation for what he truly yearned for.

The next morning, as they neared the docks outside Gaoling, Zuko felt even worse than when he had gone to sleep.  _ Why did I have to make the mistake of kissing him? Stupid as always.  _ But, in the throes of his doubt, he remembered Sokka had been the one to lean in and lock lips with him.  _ We need to talk. _

The boys cleaned and dressed for the day, the mood in the cabin tensely quiet as it had been since the night of the kiss. Finally, when they were both done, Zuko took a deep breath.  _ What did Hakoda say? ‘Leave your fears behind you and be brave.’ _

He brought a wooden chair over to where Sokka sat beside the window, looking out to the blue expanse beyond. “Good morning, Sokka,” Zuko said, smiling.

Sokka smiled softly back. “Morning, Fire Dork.”

Zuko cleared his throat, giving himself a minute to bolster his courage. “I think we need to talk.”

Sokka nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”

_ What does that mean? Is he going to tell me that was a ‘best buds’ kiss and he never wants it again? Am I not enough for him? This entire trip was a mistake.  _ Zuko stopped himself before he spiralled too much further. “Things have been a little awkward since, well, that night.”

“I’m sorry for that,” Sokka said. “I’ve wanted to talk to you, but I don’t know the right thing to say.”

_ Sokka not knowing what to say? That’s a first.  _ “You always know what to say, though. Even if you make a lot of bad jokes that cancel out everything smart you say too.”

“Hey!” Sokka said in mock outrage. “I’m plenty smart and funny, I’ll have you know.”

Zuko smiled. “But seriously, did I do something wrong? If things are...too much for you, or not what you want, or you don’t want me…”

Sokka laid his index finger on Zuko’s lips, leaving Zuko wide-eyed in shock. “Stop. It’s not about you. Well, it is, but not how you think.” He sighed and moved his hand from Zuko’s lips to his upper arm. “I don’t want anything between us to change because it’s already perfect. You, right here by my side, inseparable and free. But I think there is something unsaid between us that needs to be said.”

_ He’s scared of ruining things too.  _ “Listen, when I told you that night that we needed to just let it happen, I didn’t mean you needed to be silent about it forever.”

Sokka stuck out his tongue. “Not everything is about you, Zu. I loved you for saying that.” Sokka paused, then began again, a fire burning bright in his cerulean eyes as he gazed deep into gold. “I love you for a lot of different things. I don’t know what the right thing to say is…”

_ He is afraid to say it, after everyone he has lost.  _ Zuko took Sokka’s hand into his and smiled at him. “Let me say it. That kiss meant everything to me. I love you, Sokka. I have loved you at least since the day I showed you the turtleducks for the first time. And what I want is for us to stop leaving things unsaid.”  _ Was that brave enough, Hakoda? _

Sokka blushed hard, smiling brightly at Zuko’s acknowledgement of his feelings. “I want that to! I just...feel like I condemn or lose all those I love. My mom, Yue, Suki even in a way…”

“None of that was because of you, Sokka. It’s okay to miss them and love them still, but nothing that happened was your fault. You have to take some of that guilt off your shoulders.”

Sokka looked back at Zuko and nodded. “I will try.” Zuko saw his eyes well up in emotion. “I...I just don’t want to lose you too. I love you too much to let something happen to you.”

Zuko felt a rush flow through his body. He couldn’t help but grin like an idiot. “You really do love me.”

Sokka laughed. “Of course I do, Fire Dork. I love you very much. Isn’t it obvious?”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Do I look like someone who understands what anyone is thinking?”

Sokka grinned. “No. You’re dumb. But you are cute so it makes up for it.”

Zuko stuck out his bottom lip. “Well, you’re...you’re not funny. There.”

“Pathetic.”

Zuko laughed. “Yeah, I know.”  _ What if I…  _ Zuko lifted their clasped hands and kissed the skin between Sokka’s index finger and thumb. “Promise me that we’ll keep talking about this.”

Sokka looked stunned at the delicate affection but soon leaned in to kiss Zuko on the cheek.  _ His lips feel like the soft petals of a rose.  _ “We will. You’ll want me to shut up before too long anyway.”

_ You can talk to me forever, Sokka. No more silence. _

* * *

“Gaoling!” Sokka shouted after they had disembarked from the ship and stood on dry ground again for the first time in a long time. 

Zuko surveyed the town, an amalgamation of beige colored buildings topped with emerald-green roofs. It was different from Omashu and Ba Sing Se, as far as Earth Kingdom cities went, more universally cosmopolitan and business-oriented. Wagons filled the street before them carrying goods from the ships to Gaoling’s large market. It seemed, to Zuko, to be a perfectly fine, yet boring, place to live.  _ I just want to see Toph, I don’t care about this town otherwise.  _ “Are we going to look for Toph at her family’s estate or at the Earthbending Academy?”

Sokka led Zuko into the street and began their journey into the town. Finely-dressed merchants and businesspeople passed them on both sides of the street, all in a hurry to reach their next destination. “Toph is more likely to be serving tea and baking pastries than back at her parents’ home. She’ll be at the academy.”

Zuko nodded. “Sokka, do you think Toph likes me?”

Sokka looked over at Zuko and furrowed his eyebrows, then broke out into laughter. “Do you seriously not know?”

“Not know what?” Zuko said, more aggressively than he meant to.

“Toph likes you more than she’s liked anyone ever. Katara and I used to joke about it all the time.”

_ Toph likes me?  _ “What? I’m Toph’s favorite?”

“I think I’m right up there too, so don’t let it go to your head. But yes, she was always more affectionate with you than the rest of us. Toph doesn’t usually want people to know she likes them, but with you it was always obvious. You’re just too blind to have seen it.” Sokka paused, then shook his head. “Pun not intended there.”

_ Time to reevaluate what I think about everyone if Toph somehow likes me most.  _ “She’s the only one I’ve ever really wanted to impress, you know? Aang was easy, Katara trusts me even if she doesn’t love me, you are, well, you, but Toph...she seemed like the toughest person ever.”

Sokka rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Great to hear you didn’t care what I thought of you.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Sure. Anyway, she’s going to be happy to see us both but especially you.”

Zuko thought for a moment as they passed a procession train of armored wagons that likely carried precious metals. “Sokka, what are we going to tell her about us?”

Sokka stopped and looked directly at Zuko. “Do you want to tell her?”

Zuko shrugged. “I don’t see why not. But what are we, anyway?”

Sokka laughed. “I’ll tell her I’m into boys now and let her interpret the rest.”

“Sokka!”

Sokka winked. A group of children ran past them in a rush, making Sokka take a step closer to Zuko. “We’ll tell her that we’re more than friends for now, okay?”

Zuko looked long into Sokka’s warm eyes. “Promise you won’t hide this? Or me?”

Sokka’s mouth turned down. “I think we need to figure out the details before we can even think about any of that.”

_ I will not be treated as something shameful ever again.  _ “First we find Toph. Then we talk.”

Sokka nodded, then continued on the road. After making a hard right, they saw a massive complex straight in front of them. The brown walls were relatively short but the building was sprawling, stretching at least three blocks. “That’s the academy,” Sokka said.

_ I cannot believe I am Toph’s favorite. What else have I been missing?  _ “It’s a big place.”

“Toph’s tiny but I can see her large and in charge here,” Sokka said, laughing. 

Earthbender guards clad in black and emerald armor stood at the gate. “Good morning, sirs,” Sokka said.  _ I love when he has that happy energy in his voice. _

“Good morning to you. What business do you have here?” one of the guards asked.

“We’re here to see Toph. She’s not expecting us, but I’m sure she’ll make time for her best buds.” The guards looked at each other with confused stares. “You know, the Blind Bandit? The best earthbender in the world? She should be here.”

One of the guards cleared his throat. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but Toph hasn’t been here at the academy in months.”

_ The entire detour was pointless then. Great.  _ “What do you mean, she isn’t here?” Zuko asked.

“As I said, I apologize, but she isn’t here.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Thank you for saying that again. Can you tell us where she is?”

“She went to Ba Sing Se months ago. King Kuei wrote beseeching her to come and help him build new neighborhoods for all the refugees in the city, as well as to make upgrades to public works.”

Sokka laughed. “Sounds like Toph. Thank you both.” He led Zuko away from the gate and stopped on the side of the street.

“So, onto Ba Sing Se, then?” Zuko asked.

A spark of energy passed behind Sokka’s eyes, followed by a clever grin. “I have a different idea. Why don’t we spend just one night here? I’d like to do something with you today that doesn’t have to have a destination at the end.”

_ He’s adorable like this.  _ “What do you have in mind?” Zuko said, smiling softly but slightly worried at Sokka’s response.

Sokka took both of Zuko’s hands into his. “Would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?” Zuko’s eyes went wide, then he laughed. Sokka’s jaw dropped. “Why are you laughing at me? I’m trying to be nice to you, Fire Dork.”

Zuko recovered and shook his head. “Sokka, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just that we go on dates literally every day. It’s always just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” Sokka began, stretching out the word. “But it’s important to me that we make this one official. So, are you down? Or have you seen some other pretty boy here already you like better?”

Zuko scoffed. “Jealousy is not a good color on you. But yes, I will go on a date with you.”

Sokka clapped his hands together in glee. “Yes! Okay, let’s go find a room to rent for the night and then we can plan what we want to do.”

They walked side by side one another back up the street. As they passed a garden outside one of the townhouses, Zuko had an idea.  _ He won’t expect this from me, which is why it’s perfect.  _ “Don’t ask me why or what, but I want to do something before we go on our date. You go on ahead and rent our room and I’ll meet you…” Zuko looked around and saw a statue in the center of where two streets came together. “...at that statue. Okay?”

Sokka furrowed his eyebrows, but soon after shrugged his shoulders. “That’s fine with me. Just don’t get arrested or robbed.”

Zuko laughed. “I think I can avoid that.” He split off from Sokka and headed for the markets.  _ There has to be a florist somewhere _ . As he strolled through the streets, passing vendors hawking everything from fresh-picked fruit to tonics for every ailment, he thought about the last time he tried to make a romantic gesture to someone.  _ When I gave that shell to Mai, I thought she would be overjoyed to be given something pretty. But now I realize that it was a thoughtless gift, that nothing matters without effort behind it. She deserved better. And Sokka will receive better from me. _

Finally, after he turned a new corner, Zuko saw a stall that practically gleamed in oranges, purples, blues, and reds, all an amalgamation of that region’s floral offerings. He stepped up to the table and greeted the vendor, a gentle-seeming elderly woman. “Good morning,” Zuko said.

She looked up from her weaving and smiled at him. “Good morning, young man. How may I help you?”

He looked around at all the different bouquets and offerings she had placed around her. “Do you make crowns? You know, using the flowers?”

She laughed. “Yes, I do.” She stood and disappeared in her stock for a moment, then returned with a small box. She placed six crowns on the table from the box, all using different colored flowers. “Any of these are available.”

Zuko admired them all, finding them all too good-looking to decide between. The woman laughed softly again. “It is tough to choose. What does this young lady look like?”

Zuko’s stomach dropped and he winced.  _ How do I answer that? I remember how it was in Ba Sing Se, the Earth Kingdom is not very accepting of boys who date boys.  _ But, in his memory, he remembered what he had asked Sokka himself just earlier that day.  _ I cannot be ashamed of myself or Sokka. I must be strong.  _ “It’s...it’s for a boy, actually.”

Her eyes widened at that, then she nodded. “Oh, my apologies for making an assumption. What does he look like?”

_ That was better than I expected.  _ “Um...he has brown hair, blue eyes, wears a lot of blue…”

“Then I think you know which is right for him,” she replied, with a knowing smile.

Zuko laughed, then picked up the crown woven with blue daisies, columbines, and white carnations. “This will do.”

The elderly woman looked down at the table and picked up the crown woven with red peonies and speckled with buttercups. “And I believe this would suit you well.”

Zuko accepted it, then gave her the money due from his satchel. “Thank you very much for your kindness.”

She bowed her head slightly to him in return. “I wish the two of you well. Treat this boy well now!”

Zuko laughed as he walked away. “I promise I will.” He slid both crowns up his forearm and hooked his arm to keep them in place, then made his way back down the street to the statue. As he stood there in the shadow of some famous Gaolinger, he reckoned with the new reality he lived in.  _ Sokka is...not just my travel companion anymore. And I want that but I don’t want to be judged for it either. Or put him at risk. He is worth it to me, but am I enough to make it worth it for him? _

Zuko felt two taps on his shoulder and whirled around, ready to defend himself. Instead he saw a wide-eyed but amused Sokka. “Damn, Zu, maybe I really am that fearsome. You should be glad we aren’t fighting anymore,” he said, laughing.

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Don’t forget that I can still knock you into next month.”

Sokka scoffed. “Did you bonk your head while you were gone? Your delusions are getting the better of you.”

“You are so obnoxious.” 

Sokka stuck out his tongue. “Maybe I’ll just leave then, seeing as I’m not appreciated!” He turned dramatically to walk away and Zuko reached out and held his shoulder.

“No, please, don’t leave me.”  _ Oh no. _

Sokka turned his head and gave Zuko a bright grin. “You’re lucky that dorks are my type.”

Zuko dropped his hand. “I’m sorry, that was…”

The other boy waved his hand to stop him. “Don’t say anything, let’s leave it there. Did you find what you were looking for?”

Zuko nodded. “Yes, I did. But first, did you find somewhere for us to stay?”

“Yes. It’s not the nicest place, but it’ll do for a night. And I’ve made all the plans for our date this evening. I’m tired now, though, and I think we could both use some freshening up, so let’s go to the inn for the afternoon. That good for you?”

Zuko smiled, hiding the crowns behind his back. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

* * *

Time passed. Both Sokka and Zuko had washed the days of travel at sea off of themselves. Now, as it neared the end of the afternoon, Zuko sat in a chair reading one of the scrolls they had borrowed from the library of the Kyoshi Warriors while Sokka snored fast asleep in the bed.

Zuko itched at the clay mud mask on his face, realizing it was long past time to wash it off. At first, he had laughed at all that went into Sokka’s personal care routine, but since their night on Ember Island he had slowly come to like doing the same. His favorite part, though, was how gently Sokka applied the clay mud mask to Zuko’s face. “It’s how you keep your glow,” Sokka had said the first night.  _ All I could think of was how sweet the soft touches of his fingertips on my face felt, especially when what we have was still unspoken. _

Zuko washed the clay off his face carefully, just as he had done with Sokka for so many nights before.  _ Personal care, flowers, poetry...I wonder if anyone would even recognize me now. Of all the gifts Sokka has given me, it’s greater care for the small shared things that has changed me the most. _

Before it grew too much later, Zuko knew he needed to wake Sokka. He stood over the bed for a moment, admiring the way the Water Tribes boy laid on the bed.  _ He’s snoring louder than Uncle on his worst nights, he’s drooled all over the pillow, and his hair is splayed haphazardly across half his face. And yet he looks like the most perfectly sculpted boy to ever live, so lovable only a divine hand could have created him.  _

Zuko placed a hand on Sokka’s arm and squeezed very gently. “Sokka,” he said, softly but not quite a whisper. “Sokka, wake up.”

The sleeping boy groaned loudly and shook his head. “No. More sleep.”

Zuko laughed, then brushed Sokka’s hair out from in front of his face. “You can sleep more later, we still have our date tonight.”

Sokka’s brilliant sapphire eyes blinked open and looked up at Zuko. “Fine.”

While Sokka slowly woke up and got ready to go out, Zuko had the idea to brew him some tea to help him wake up. When Sokka returned, smiling, Zuko handed him the cup of tea. “This is much needed, thank you, Zu,” Sokka said.

“You’ll be thankful now for teaching me how to make better tea. Iroh gave up on me long ago,” he replied, laughing. 

Sokka took a sip and nodded. “It’s much better than what you used to make! And perfect for me.”

While Sokka pulled on his leather boots, Zuko returned to the chair and picked up the flower crowns he had carefully hidden. “Do you remember how I left for a little bit earlier?” Zuko asked.  _ That’s a stupid question. _

Sokka smiled. “Yes, I do.”

Zuko held out the blue flower crown. “This is for you,” he said, smiling shyly.

Sokka’s jaw dropped almost immediately. He practically leapt out of the chair and clutched the crown in his hands, holding it close to his eyes to admire it. “You bought this for me?”

Zuko just nodded.

Sokka leaned in and kissed his cheek, sending a flash of energy through his body. “Thank you, sweetheart. It’s perfect.” 

Zuko felt the pressure behind his eyes crack through and spill his emotion. “You’re welcome, I’m glad you like it,” he said through the tears.

“Don’t cry, Zu, it’s okay,” Sokka said, putting his hand on his arm to comfort him.

“No, it’s not bad crying. I’m just glad you like it,” he replied, wiping the last of the tears away.  _ It’s also for the ease in which you called me ‘sweetheart.’ _

“Do you want to put it on me?” Sokka asked.

Zuko nodded, then took the crown back and carefully fitted it onto Sokka’s head. Zuko let his gaze linger after to admire how the blues of the daisies matched that sanctity that glowed from within Sokka’s eyes. Their noses were close enough to brush against each other. 

“How does it look?” Sokka asked, his mouth upturned in a grin and his voice just above a whisper. 

Zuko swallowed hard. “Very beautiful.”

Sokka laughed softly. “Did you buy a crown for yourself?”

Zuko nodded.

“Can I put it on you?”

“Please do.”

Sokka winked, making Zuko’s knees practically melt. He took the red crown from Zuko’s other hand and carefully fitted it to adorn Zuko’s head, taking special care with his braid. “I would compare you to a prince, but…” Sokka began, making Zuko laugh. “Maybe I don’t need to make any metaphors this time. Zuko is enough. My Zuko.”

Zuko blinked hard.  _ How this man has not killed me yet is beyond my mortal understanding.  _ “Sokka…”

Sokka laughed, then practically jumped backward. “Let’s go have our date now! I’m super hungry.”

While Zuko tried to recover from the multiple deaths and resurrections he had experienced in less than five minutes, Sokka led him out of the inn and back into the city, now painted with the violet hue of twilight. “The innkeeper told me about this restaurant when I checked in, apparently they have the best noodles in town.”

“That’s great, I hope they have spicy ones.”

“Oh yeah, I checked the menu to make sure they did.”

_ Of course you did.  _ “Thank you, you didn’t have to, really…”

“What, and let you starve? Not on my watch.” They walked down a side street and came to a tall but narrow shop nestled in between two other buildings. A sign hung on a pole that extended out horizontally. ‘The Seventh Koi’ it read.

Sokka led them inside and spoke to the host. They were led to a table in the corner of the busy restaurant. The table was small and Zuko felt odd pressed into the corner, but he soon came to like how the candlelight and close proximity made it feel as if it were all for him and Sokka to enjoy.

“Thank you,” Sokka said kindly to the host when given their menus. Turning back to Zuko, he sighed happily. “This is nice, right?”

“Yeah, it is.”  _ Once I would have called this below me, tried to convince myself that the palace and throne were all I wanted. But it isn’t at all. What I want are these moments, now and forever. This is the life I want.  _

“They have mango tuna, Zuko. Mango tuna!” Sokka shouted from behind his menu.

“I think I’m going to try the hot noodles and vegetable dumplings,” Zuko decided, then closed his menu. Sokka did the same soon after. “This is really nice. Thank you for convincing me to do this.”

Sokka smiled. “If we’re going to figure out what we want with each other, we have to do stuff like this. Build our relationship, you know?”

Zuko laughed. “How do you know all of this? Like...the exact right things to do and say.”

“Oh, for all my relationships I just keep a list and say the same things to everyone.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Sokka!”

Sokka smirked. “I’m joking. There’s only ever been Suki. And she means the world to me and always will, but I don’t think we ever really made it very deep, you know, in a romantic sense.” The server returned to take their orders, then left again. “Certainly not to the level of what we have. I just say whatever feels right to me in the moment.”

“Have you thought at all about how crazy this is? That we’re here now, whatever we are to one another, and we’re both happy with that?”

“It’s not crazy to me. After everything we’ve been through together, from Boiling Rock to Sozin’s Comet to this whole trip across the world, I feel like maybe this was always meant to be.”

_ He looks at me with hearts and stars in his eyes. What have I done to deserve this?  _ “I think the same thing. And I’m glad, really glad, we’re both embracing it.”  _ Be brave, Zuko, don’t let fear stop you.  _ He reached out and took Sokka’s right hand into his, feeling euphoric not only at the returned touch but the pleased look on the other boy’s face.

They had their dinner together. Zuko let Sokka try some of his noodles, which made him lament that they couldn’t bring a stock of them along for the rest of the trip. Zuko felt total peace there with him.  _ Only with Sokka have I ever felt safe, genuine, fully appreciated. And I think, somehow, I make him feel the same. _

After they finished, Sokka took Zuko up the stairs to the roof deck of the restaurant. From there they could look over the whole town, even out to the sea. The moon glowed above and Zuko watched as Sokka let his gaze linger long up at the grey glow. “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“She would want this for me. Yue.”

“I never knew her, but from what you told me I think she would want you to be happy on your terms.”

Sokka looked back at Zuko and smiled. “You might not be a princess, but you’re pretty damn great.”

Zuko scoffed sarcastically. “I am a prince again now, technically.”

“Who cares about technicalities? You’re just Zuko to me.”

“And you’re Sokka to me. The rest doesn’t matter.” Zuko reached his hands out and took both of Sokka’s into his. “Do you want it?”

“More than you know.”

Zuko exhaled, feeling the elation in his body begin already. “I love you, Sokka. Will you be my boyfriend?”

Sokka’s smile rivaled the brightest stars that twinkled above them. “Yes, Zuko, without a doubt. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“You would know my answer even in silence.”

Sokka leaned in, letting their noses brush ever so delicately, before locking his lips with Zuko's. The brightest, sharpest floods of pleasure and peace filled Zuko's body, transcending to feel beyond just his mortal form but the ethereal space he occupied in the world. It was just a kiss, but, to Zuko, it felt like the culmination of every moment of pain, happiness, grief, joy, struggle, and triumph he had experienced in his short but eventful life.

Zuko opened his eyes and saw the boldest star across the entire black sky directly behind Sokka’s head.  _ Eternally my North Star. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! First of all, I'm very sorry for the unexpected delay in updating! Things in life haven't been the greatest for a little while now, which made both reading and writing hard for me. But I've worked through it all and things are getting better! I will stop promising any update dates at least for a while so as to not over promise, but I am more dedicated to this fic now than ever. And I am already a few chapters ahead too!
> 
> Onto this chapter. It's not the most exciting or revelatory, but, to me, it's just as important as any other. It's this fic's Mount Pelion chapters, or "You Are In Love" on 1989, or the London dinner party chapter in A Tale of Two Cities. It's pure fluff but also, I hope, important character development and good romance! And, as always, there are clues littered throughout for what is to come. And YES, we will be getting Toph soon when we spend serious time in Ba Sing Se. I hope what I have planned for her is better than the path Bryke wrote for her post-book 3, but that isn't a very high bar to exceed haha.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and being patient with me! Come say hello on Twitter if you want, I'm (@winedarknassem)!! I love you all <3


	17. Echoes of Prophecy (MAI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Gaang of Angels + Ursa reckon with the past and Mai, Katara, and Ursa search for Azula. (MAI POV, all italics are Mai's thoughts)

“From the bottom of my heart, I apologize to all of you for what happened here last night,” Ursa spoke. She stood on a wooden box a few steps in front of her tent. The members of the Hira’a Acting Troupe were her audience, while Aang, Katara, Ty Lee, and Mai stood off to the left. “A...friend came to see me and things did not go well. But by a stroke of luck we had a master waterbender in the audience,” Ursa gestured to Katara gracefully and smiled. “She is our hero.”

The troupe turned their attention to Katara and applauded. Katara blushed from the attention and Aang patted her on the back, grinning with pride.  _ Aang convincing me to include Katara in our plans has already proven correct. And I suspect it will again before this ends. _

“We have work to do, my friends. But know each of you are valued by me and I will never let anything happen to you,” Ursa finished, placing a hand on her heart.  _ Most smile at her. All respect her. If only Azula had given her a chance. _

The troupe dispersed to go back to their tents, all to work on costumes and lines for that evening’s production. They would only perform  _ A Bear Among Dragons  _ once, but they had hundreds of other plays - from comedies to tragedies to those with a little of both - to perform.

Ursa stepped down from the box and walked toward the Gaang of Angels. The ends of her dark brown robes just barely brushed the grass below. She looked modest and humble but also distinguished among the members of the troupe. Of course, the glow of her beautiful face was what set her apart most, her eyes loving but also full of an almost romantic sadness, a hazy sort of grief that has resided so long as to become a fixture of her very identity.

She smiled softly at them all, but kept her attention on Mai.  _ She trusts me.  _ “Would each of you join me for tea?”

Mai nodded for them all. “Yes. We have a lot to discuss.”

Ursa turned again and led them through the flap of her tent. This was not a small tarp on rods like they had used while traveling to Hira’a. Because the troupe traveled town to town to make their living, they needed larger and stronger tents to call their homes. As the director of the troupe, Ursa was the only member with a private tent. It stood about seven feet tall and ten feet wide. Modest yet distinguished again.

“Please, sit wherever you like,” Ursa said.  _ Her voice is soft and gentle. Azula never inherited that from her. But Zuko did, even if he tried to deny it for so long.  _ Aang and Katara sat together on one rug while Ty Lee and Mai sat next to one another to their left. Ty Lee took Mai’s hand into hers and Mai returned the gesture with a smile.

Ursa sat in front of them with the tea set. Mai watched her delicate hands pass out the saucers and cups in practiced form, with a natural grace that even the best practice could never achieve. “Are you all okay after what happened?” she asked, handing tea to an appreciative Ty Lee.

“Yes, but I think the better question is if you are okay,” Katara responded, warmth and concern evident in her voice.

“I’m okay, I’ve faced much worse than that before. But thank you,” Ursa responded, handing Aang tea. “I don’t really know what I expected to happen.”

“It was my mistake. I take responsibility,” Mai said.

Ursa shook her head. “You are a teenager, Mai. How the fate of the world came to rest on the shoulders of a handful of children is beyond my understanding.”

“It ended the war,” Aang offered.

She smiled at him. “Yes. You were impossibly strong for that. To look...him...in the eye and know that he wasn’t worth what it would cost you, that was bravery.”

“I had a team to help me,” Aang replied, smiling at Katara.

“But what toll did it collect from each of you? Has anyone asked you that, even?” Ursa folded her hands in her lap.  _ She is angry for us. But old habits, especially restraining shows of emotion, die hard.  _ “I think of my son, who I can only picture as a boy or from the prints of his coronation portrait. What did that pressure do to him? I mourn to think of what the greed of one generation wrought on those to follow.”

Mai swallowed. “We’re okay, Ursa. We just need to move forward now.”

Ursa looked down, her face shrouded in ponderance and tension. “If only I had found another way to pay for Zuko’s life. My children would have at least had their mother. And each other.”

“And they would have become just as evil as their father. No matter how unstable Azula may be at times, she cannot even be compared to Ozai,” Katara said. She reached out and took one of Ursa’s hands into hers.  _ She only proves more and more remarkable.  _ “My brother Sokka and I lost our mother when we were very young. She was murdered by Fire Nation soldiers.” Katara swallowed. “I know I’ve not lived as long as you, but I am no stranger to grief.”

“I can see it in your eyes, mixed with hope,” Ursa said, squeezing her hand gently.

“I had a chance to kill the man who killed my mother. Zuko was there, helping me learn the truth of what happened to her. I wanted to destroy him, but I let him live. It was my decision, but I thought of what I had learned from Aang, and Zuko, and even Sokka, and what I myself had grasped and seen across the world. Death cannot pay for life.”

“You are wise well beyond your years, Katara. But death did pay for Zuko’s life. That entire play was true, except for the changed names. Azulon’s death was the cost of Zuko’s life. His blood,” she began, holding out her pale hands, “stains these hands.”

“I was there. I grew up in that palace. You had no other choice,” Mai said. “When I was young I did wonder why you left, why you abandoned your children. But I cannot see how anyone, in your position, could have made a different decision.”

Ursa sighed. “When I came back to Hira’a, I hoped that the man I loved would forgive me for marrying my husband, but he had married someone else by then and I could not bring myself to risk ruining the good life he had chosen. So I returned to all I had known, this actors’ troupe. And as we traveled the world, I saw just what Ozai wrought upon it. Entire forests destroyed, villages burned, families butchered.” Her soft voice raised in sorrow and conviction. “No, I don’t blame myself for leaving. I blame myself for not killing Ozai too. To pay for the lives of all those killed with just two deaths.” Tears welled up in her eyes and Ty Lee handed her a handkerchief.

“As the only other person who had the power to take Ozai’s life, I believe you made the right choice. None of this is your fault, Ursa, nor is it Zuko or Azula’s either. If true justice is to be served, we must respect that victims cannot be blamed for their own trauma. Ozai has been punished and had his power removed. It’s time to heal now and focus on the future,” Aang said.

Ursa nodded. “I know that you’re right, but it will take some time before I can say I believe that.”

_ I am nervous to disrespect a woman’s pain but we need to make a plan soon.  _ “Azula is out there now, somewhere. She isn’t insane, despite what happened. I know she’s in there, the real Azula who is free from Ozai’s phantom. We need to find her and return to the Capital,” Mai said. “Ursa, are you still willing to leave the troupe and come back with us?”

She nodded. “Yes, of course. But I also don’t want to cause my daughter any further anguish.”

“She needs you. Zuko needs you, once he returns from his travels with Sokka. I think even Iroh needs you. The worst thing to do would be to leave Azula alone, I think,” Ty Lee offered. Mai squeezed her hand, quiet praise for her words.

“I agree,” Ursa responded. “But how do we even begin to try to find Azula? She just ran away.”

Mai thought for a moment. “Do you happen to have a map of the area?”

“No...but Raizo would. My right hand man.” She stood. “Come with me.”

The rest followed her back out of the tent and into the bright sunlight of the late morning. Ursa led them toward a moss green colored tent, in front of which stood a table and a man pouring over papers on it. “How are things coming, Raizo?” Ursa asked.

The young man looked up from the papers and sighed. “Always more work to do. And more to convince to actually help get it done. Do you need something?”

“Yes. My guests and I need to look at your map for a moment, may I borrow it?”

Raizo smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” He picked up a wooden tube that laid at the end of the table and handed it to her.

“Thank you. And you know I’m always grateful for all you do to keep this troupe together.” 

She led them over to an empty table in front of another tent and laid the map out on it. “This is a map of the province. Hira’a is the largest village, but there are a handful of others in the area.”

“I think we’ll need to split up to find her,” Katara said.

“No, we need to stay together,” Ty Lee countered.

“How can five of us scour enough land to find her?” Katara returned.

“How can one of us stand against her if she does not want to be found?” Ty Lee shot back.

Mai raised a hand. “Enough. We split up. Aang, you and Ty Lee will travel here,” she said confidently, pointing at one of the villages. “Ursa, Katara, and I will travel to the other.”

“It’s settled, then,” Ursa said.  _ This is, but our search is just beginning. _

* * *

Ursa, Katara, and Mai had arrived in the village three days ago and still had not come across any mention of Azula or anyone who matched her appearance. They had rented a room together on the second floor of a tavern. Not much else constituted the village, mostly a central meeting point for the farmlands in the area.

As night settled in on another failed day’s search, Mai looked long out the window, turning her eyes up toward the bright moon.  _ Somewhere out there, Zuko and Sokka are admiring her glow too. I hope I calculated one thing right.  _

“Why wasn’t it you?” she heard a soft voice say behind her. Mai turned to see Ursa on the couch, her face illuminated in orange by a single flickering candle on the end table. “Why didn’t you go with him?”

“Is this a conversation we must have?” Mai responded.

“No. But I think it would be good if we did.”

_ She deserves to know, though I wish it could be him to tell her.  _ She sighed and sat across the table from Ursa in a chair. “I love Zuko very much, I always have. But we were never meant to be together.”

“What makes you say that?” Ursa replied, her eyebrows furrowed.

“We love each other but not as a couple would. I left him a month or so before he abdicated.”

“I always thought you and he would end up together.”

Mai shrugged. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Ursa shook her head. “No, I don’t mean...It’s not a disappointment, just a surprise. But a lot can happen over the course of years. And I’ve always known Zuko was different.”

_ What does that mean?  _ “Different?”

Ursa smiled. “Zuko has never fit into a box. He was born different. That’s what I tried to treasure in him, to show him that his uniqueness was his strength.”

“He lost that, but I think he’s regained it again.”

Ursa smiled, the sadness in her eyes shifting into something sweeter even if just for a moment. “That’s the greatest bravery. It’s odd, isn’t it? I knew even from the time he was a boy.”

_ I am lost.  _ “Zuko has always had a kind heart, even if he pretended not to for a time.”

“This boy he’s traveling with, tell me about him.”

“Sokka?” Mai began, laughing softly to herself. “I can’t stand him. He’s my best friend, next to Zuko of course, even if we’ve hardly known each other long.”

Ursa raised her eyebrows. “Quite a combination.”

Mai nodded. “He’s Katara’s brother. Without him this war would never have ended.”

“I’ve read the newspapers. I want to know about him, not what he’s done.”

“Oh. Don’t tell him that I said this, but he is the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. He’s kind and thoughtful, but also a jokester through and through. And way, way too sarcastic for his own good. He makes life fun with his energy.”

“Fun,” Ursa repeated, laughing softly. “If he can give that to Zuko, perhaps he can add ‘miracle worker’ to his list of achievements. He sounds wonderful.”

“Zuko adores him. You will too, when you meet him.”

“Will he love my son the way it seems my son loves him?”

_ She knew. That’s what she meant. Perhaps I too learned perception from Ursa all those years ago.  _ “Yes.”

Ursa closed her eyes and nodded. “Knowing that at least my son is loved is enough. Ozai could try, but he never destroyed Zuko’s sweet spirit.”

“I worry about how the world will respond sometimes. Ty Lee and I are together, but very few expect anything from us. I don’t want anyone to hurt Zuko or Sokka.”

“A mother must protect her children and that’s exactly what I will do,” Ursa said, conviction strong in her voice. “They will be loved by me. And if Zuko had the strength to confront his father, he’ll have the strength to face anything.”

Mai nodded. “Forgive me for what I’m about to say, I can’t talk this way with anyone else. But I can’t help but think that the world is changing more than we think even.”

“It is, my dear, it is,” Ursa responded, putting a hand on Mai’s shoulder. “That’s why I will never give up on Azula. She is just as special as Zuko and deserves the love he receives too. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can try to mend these years of pain.”

The moon’s glow drifted through the curtains like wind, and they prepared themselves for another day’s search.

* * *

“It’s been a week now and we haven’t even come across any sign of her,” Katara said, agitated. They stood in the open area in front of the door, returning very late again after another full day of questioning locals and searching the countryside on borrowed ostrich horses.

“I agree, this is growing pointless,” Mai responded. “She could be anywhere by now.”

“I still think she’s waiting for us. She has nowhere else to go. Iroh will arrest her if she returns to the capital, and by now he’s sent men to search Hira’a after what happened there. She’s either here or where Aang and Ty Lee are.”

“One more day,” Katara said. “Then we return to the Capital and wait for her to come to us.”

“Seconded.”

Ursa looked long at them both, then closed her eyes and nodded. “Alright.”

Ursa and Katara sat together on the couch, while Mai took her spot in the chair. She laid out the deck of cards to play another round of a game they had picked up from regular in the tavern below.  _ It’s a good way to pass the time.  _

“I’d love to hear some about your family, Katara, if you’d want to share,” Ursa said, smiling.

“Oh, well my father’s name is Hakoda. He’s the chief of our tribe. The man I consider my second father is named Bato, he helped raise me after my mother was killed. And my brother’s name is Sokka, he’s very annoying but I love him more than anyone else.”

“Your father must be proud of you and your brother.”

Katara smiled sadly. “I hope so. I haven’t seen him since the war ended. Sokka may even be there with him right now, now that I think about it.”

“Has anyone ever told you just how strong you are? To leave all you knew to help the Avatar restore balance to the world. Most would never have that sort of courage.”

Katara blushed, folding her hands in her lap. “You are very kind, but that’s not completely true. I had Sokka with me the whole way.”

“Leave Sokka for later, though I am very interested in him. Tell me how you learned waterbending.”

Katara’s eyebrows raised in shock at the question. “How I learned waterbending?”

“Yes, I’d love to know. From what I’ve read, you are already the greatest in the world.”

Katara smiled shyly. “For as long as I can remember, I could manipulate small amounts of water. I practiced and practiced, but I didn’t have a master until Aang, Sokka, and I went to the Northern Water Tribe. I learned very fast there, but Aang and I continued to help each other get better even after we left. And I still have so much more to learn, so many more skills to sharpen.”

“Natural talent and a dedication to be the best you can be. Are you certain you are only fifteen?” Ursa asked, smiling.

Katara laughed. “You are too kind.”

“No, you’re too humble,” Ursa countered, taking Katara’s hand in hers. “Your mother would be very, very proud of you. Proud of you for ending the war and for the girl you are and the woman you’re becoming.”

Tears welled up in Katara’s eyes. “Thank you,” she said, her voice cracking in emotion. “I miss her so much. I know Sokka does too, even if he doesn’t always say.”

“Somewhere out there, she’s been watching over you both. As a mother who never stopped thinking of her children for all the years she was away, I know that the bond can never truly be broken. Ever.”

Katara wiped her eyes. “I feel that too, sometimes. I still see her in my dreams.”

_ I wonder if Ursa knows that Azula sees her in her visions and dreams too. _

The night went on, conversation shifting to Sokka, then stories from their travels. They went to bed not long after, Mai sleeping on the couch while Ursa and Katara each took sides of the bed. 

A loud crack of thunder woke Mai hours later sometime during the long dark hours after midnight. She looked out through the curtains and saw another bolt of lightning illuminate the sky, followed by another wave of rumbling. 

She sat up and wiped her eyes.  _ Something doesn’t feel right.  _ She went to the window and pushed aside the curtain, looking out onto the handful of buildings around, all showered in moonlight.  _ Nothing. _

Then, a single knock. Her breath hitched. Ursa and Katara woke immediately. Mai placed a single finger to her lips and stepped toward the door, nerves firing across her entire body. She wrapped a hand around the doorknob and pulled the door inward.

“Surprise. You found me.”

“Azula?” Mai’s was at a loss for words seeing her there, at their door, after spending a week looking everywhere for her.  _ She looks...okay. Not insane.  _ Mai could have mistaken her for a ghost, dressed in those white and gold robes, if she hadn’t spoken so soon.”

“Hello, Mai. I could hardly stand to watch you look for me any longer.”  _ What the hell is she talking about? How, even?  _ “Apparently everyone is looking for me. It’s nice to be loved.”

“Are you okay? How did you even find us?” Mai asked, but Azula was already looking over her shoulder. She pushed her aside and practically flew toward Ursa. Katara stepped between them, holding her arms out to shield Ursa.

“Hello again, Mother. What a wonderful surprise.”

Ursa panted, but soon found her inner strength again. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

Azula laughed. “Try to resist the urge to make this all about yourself again, please?” She turned her attention back to Mai in the doorway. “Close that door. We need to talk.”

Mai listened and latched the door back into place. Azula looked at Katara. “Could you please allow me to speak to my mother? I promise that if I do anything to her your boyfriend can take my bending. Or you can drown me. Whichever you prefer.”

Katara furrowed her brow and remained obstinate. “Move, Katara,” Mai commanded.  _ Azula is in control, she’s not going to kill Ursa.  _ Katara reluctantly stepped to the side.

Ursa brought her arms up to embrace her daughter, but Azula brushed them aside. “Don’t touch me. We aren’t here for that sort of thing.”

“Where have you been?” Ursa asked.

“With some kids.”

“Some kids?” Mai asked.  _ What trouble did she get into? _

“Specifics aren’t important. I had a very interesting chat with a commander. He told me the Fire Sages are looking for me.”

_ The Fire Sages? What game do those fools think they’re playing? I thought Iroh on the throne would satisfy all sides while also putting a check on Fujio’s ambitions. But if they want Azula...they want the prophecy. _

“The Fire Sages? What could they possibly want?” Ursa asked, bewildered.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is that Iroh wants me dead or back in that cell. And I will not,” she shouted, closing her eyes, “go back into that institution.”

“Iroh will not kill you, Azula,” Mai tried to reason. “You hurt no one in Hira’a. Katara put the fire out before it spread. Come back with us and we will figure this out together.”

Azula ran her hands through her hair, then brought her palms down over her eyes. “I cannot trust any of you after what you did. You lied to me, Mai. You said we were coming to see Ursa, but you made me watch that play. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?” she said, her voice cracking with raw emotion. 

_ From her perspective, it was cruel. And I need to respect that if I can talk her down.  _ “I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry, Azula, truly.”

She looked directly at Mai, pain and sorrow in her eyes. “You made me watch that all again. Made me out to be the reason for this pain. I am tired of trying to be perfect for everyone!” she shouted, tears streaming down her face.

“You don’t have to be perfect anymore. Come back to the palace with us. You need to rest and eat and then from there we can handle things further,” Mai pleaded.  _ She’s almost there. She wants our help. _

“I will not make you do anything you wish not to do, but I will be here again for you, as much or as little as you want,” Ursa offered.

“Do you know who I trust?” Azula asked. She looked straight at Katara, who responded wide-eyed and mouth agape. “You. You say what you mean and don’t lie. So I’ll come with you, because I have very little other choice other than to electrocute myself to death.”

_ Good. It doesn’t matter why, just that she comes back with us.  _

“Thank you for trusting me, for whatever reason you do,” Katara responded.

“Pack your stuff and call your boyfriend. It’s time to go back to the Capital,” Azula commanded, before stepping back into the hallway.

While Katara searched for the bison whistle, Mai tried to make sense of all that had just happened.  _ It doesn’t matter how she found us, just that she did. We need to go back, get her the help she needs, and figure out what is going on here. If the army and the Fire Sages have been compromised, the state religion and military, what power does Iroh even hold?  _

Mai sighed, went to work packing their bags again, but could not shake the overwhelming dread that permeated her mind and body at what was still to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought about titling this chapter '101 reasons to love Ursa and get wrecked if you don't.' i know some may have worried that ursa would be gone again as soon as she entered the drama in chapter thirteen, but i have BIG plans for her. there are so many hints here in this chapter, but i will leave everything unsaid.
> 
> we're really bringing the political pieces together now as well as the personal! i have basically thrown out the comics (and thank god for it) and only kept the existence of the hira'a acting troupe. the entire gaang of angels + azula are returning to the capital now together, but first sokka and zuko will be arriving next chapter in ba sing se!
> 
> thank you, as always, for your support on my fic! please leave comments below (if you want) and come talk to me on twitter (@nassemstormborn)!! i love you all to pieces, thank you again!! <3


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